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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask people to pay for their own drinks at my wedding?

140 replies

TheLastKingdom5 · 17/03/2019 15:30

We are having a small wedding in the summer with around 12-15 people.

Money is tight and we never wanted a big do - we don't really have many people we would want to invite in the first place, and the hought of spending thousands to be the centre of attention all day makes me shudder.

So we're having a registry office wedding, followed by a buffet lunch in a pub (£13 pp). We will obviously be paying for this, but drinks are not included - AIBU to ask people to buy their own drinks? We don't drink alcohol (I'll also be driving), but I know certain people in the party would literally take the piss, and drink a lot if it was an open bar.

OP posts:

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 17/03/2019 15:49

I think you need a welcome drink. No need to lay for everyone’s drinks throughout the meal though. Although I’d make it clear beforehand.

Dimsumlosesum · 17/03/2019 15:49

Well it's your wedding so you do what you want, however it would be good etiquette to offer at least one drink.

BakedBeeeen · 17/03/2019 15:50

I like donajimena'a idea

Grace212 · 17/03/2019 15:50

if it's just a buffet lunch and no one is expected to give up their whole day, I think it's fine.

if it's hours and hours, then free soft drinks will be much appreciated. Or at least, soft drinks available at normal price. When I go to a wedding that wants £4 for a lemonade, it's annoying tbh, but it sounds like your wedding is not a massive pretentious affair where you spent £2000 on flowers etc.

low key weddings that don't cost guests a fortune are totally different.

itssoooofluffy · 17/03/2019 15:51

A drink on arrival and one for toasting would be preferable. In any other scenario I would say you should have wine on the table, but as it’s a small party and you don’t drink I don’t think it’s unreasonable for guests to get their own drinks.

thedisorganisedmum · 17/03/2019 15:53

If you specify BYO buffet on the actual invitation, at least it's clear.

I would personally never invite people for diner or even a bbq and not provide drinks, can't see the difference with a wedding to be honest.

I haven't been to more than 2 weddings with a cash bar, most of the others provided at least some kind of drinks to the guests. Some posters seem to think it has to be either a cash bar or a free bar - most people do something in between.

A decent choice of soft drink would be great, some people forget about these. It's not really pleasant to be given tap water when you are pregnant or driving, or just don't drink.

Purplecatshopaholic · 17/03/2019 15:54

A welcome glass of fizz and a couple of bottles of wine at each table is what I would do. After that they are on their own, lol

NataliaOsipova · 17/03/2019 15:56

I think offer to buy people a drink at the bar when they get to the pub, or have two or three bottles of fizz ready. Then I’d spring for 6 or 7 bottles of wine. After that, it’s fine that people go to the bar. But it looks bad form not to offer a drink or two, I think.

Bringbackthestripes · 17/03/2019 15:56

^this

americandream · 17/03/2019 15:56

Agree that you need to pop 3 or 4 bottles of wine on the table.

Seems very tight-fisted to not provide at least a couple of free glasses of wine for your guests.

happymummy12345 · 17/03/2019 15:57

Personally I wouldn't not provide free drinks all night. I'd feel it's wrong to expect people to pay for drinks. But it's up to you

MyBreadIsEggy · 17/03/2019 15:57

We had a pretty small wedding.
We provided champagne/non-alcoholic alternative as a welcome drink, and kept pouring until it was gone. We had a bottle of white and a bottle of red on each table, but honestly a lot of that didn’t get opened, as people preferred to buy their choice of drink from the bar instead.
I’ve been to quite a lot of weddings, and only one of them had a free bar. I have no problems paying for drinks at someone’s wedding.

Cyberworrier · 17/03/2019 15:58

I do think if you’ve invited people to a wedding meal especially as it’s a small and I’d guess close group of family/friends it does seem ungenerous to not provide any drinks. I would provide wine to accompany the meal, you could tell the bar to open up to 7 bottles of wine, pick a reasonably priced one- so it’s half a bottle per head. After that, everyone can buy their own.
I know you’ve said you didn’t want to spend lots and have a big hoopla but people will be spending to come probably, buying gifts etc to celebrate with you, so I think you should let them have a couple of drinks on you to celebrate your big day! Congratulations.

Pinkbells · 17/03/2019 16:01

I think you need to provide something, but it doesn't have to be an all day/all night free bar. How about bubbly when they arrive, to be topped up ready for speeches then a bottle of red and white at each table, to go with the buffet. After that they pay at bar?

Bracknellite · 17/03/2019 16:02

Not wrong at all, it’s your wedding at a nice pub not a free piss up.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 17/03/2019 16:05

Welcome free prosecco for everyone on arrival, open bar after that.

EC22 · 17/03/2019 16:05

Stingy not to provide at least a glass of bubbly each.

AntiHop · 17/03/2019 16:06

We asked people to bring their own booze. It was a very informal wedding, no posed photos, no formal speeches, so no toasts. We asked people to bring a bottle.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 17/03/2019 16:06

Sorry, not open bar, everyone pays for their drinks after that.

You can put a couple of bottles of wine in each table but not provided any is just not on.

QuietlyQuaffing · 17/03/2019 16:10

I think you should start them off with some wine on the table and prosecco for toasting.

It won't be anything like thousands, and you don't need to provide the drinks all night. It's not much more than a token really - have one on us. I wouldn't dream of inviting people to a BBQ and not offering them even a single drink, so why a wedding? Totally different to giving them a free bar all night.

Greatbigwhoooo · 17/03/2019 16:11

A welcome drink on arrival - you could ask the pub to have glasses of Prosecco and OJ ready or leave best man in charge of making sure everyone gets a drink on your tab on arrival. Then a glass of Prosecco or Champagne for toasts/speeches. Will make it feel a bit special. I think it’s nice when everyone can chink glasses of something fizzy, even if you don’t actually drink it.

Boysey45 · 17/03/2019 16:11

Are you expecting gifts off these people?
If you are then you have to be providing some drinks as well as the meal.If you really cant afford much then just go off and get married and don't invite others. You don't want to make people think you are tight!

BrokenWing · 17/03/2019 16:11

A bottle of wine on the table between 2-3 people and a welcome drink would be nice if you can stretch to that? After that entirely reasonable for them to pay for themselves.

GetStrongKeepFighting · 17/03/2019 16:12

We had a free bar at our wedding but I'd be fine buying my own drink but a bit surprised if not even one drink was provided, be it soft or wine.

recklessgran · 17/03/2019 16:12

Really think there should be a welcome drink like Kir Royale, Bucks Fizz, or Pimms and an alternative fruit juice on arrival - that would cost very little and make a big difference in terms of people thinking you're being stingy. Have a lovely time OP.

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