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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if a child accidently pours Ribena over Coco Pops instead of milk, you don't make them eat it?

178 replies

AliceAbsolum · 17/03/2019 08:38

Me, aged 8. That memory is causing a disproportionate amount of distress. It was a lot of Ribena and I felt so sick 🙁 Or maybe I'm being a wuss and it was a proportionate punishment?

OP posts:
RoseMartha · 17/03/2019 09:24

You do not make them eat it. That is awful.

You might choose to ask them to clear it away and get themselves more with milk.

TheWomanin12B · 17/03/2019 09:26

I wouldn't have no, at worse I would have huffed and told you to be more careful. At best, I would have made a joke of it.

I was forced to eat food as a child and I'm sure that's why I'm a fussy eater now. Bastards.

UnderHerEye · 17/03/2019 09:28

If a woman came on here saying her husband forced her to do this people would be advising her to leave

This ^^ which is a common theme on here in regards to how children are treated, there’s a lot of minimising and excusing for what amounts to doing something nasty to a child on here sometimes.

And before anyone starts with then oh you have never had a bad day/had your patience tested my eldest has autism and adhd, I’ve had to learn to be patient as opposed to taking my stress out on a child.

Disfordarkchocolate · 17/03/2019 09:29

I sat for many an hour with cold food in front of me, it generally ended up in the loo or the dog. I'm firmly of the belief that forcing children to eat what they don't want is cruel and potentially abusive. Children need a relaxed and balanced attitude to food, especially girls who face a lot of pressure to look a certain way as they grow up. My husband was always made to clear his plate, it contributes to his over-eating now as he can't leave food even if he is full.

I think what happened to you was abusive, the combination sounds repellant. I hope it was a one-off.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 17/03/2019 09:31

Sorry if I’ve missed it but how long ago was this? Mum never tried to force feed us - most likely because she was served up whatever she didn’t eat day after day until she did - but I was such a greedy guts I’d eat most things (and swap with my sister the things we didn’t like).

hazell42 · 17/03/2019 09:33

I think that was a thing back then. My dad hated food waste. But he remembered rationing.
Would be thought of as highly abusive now. Wouldn't have been considered in the same light back then.
You have to take the prevailing social conventions into account

mrsm43s · 17/03/2019 09:33

I won't lie, if a NT, no learning difficulties 8 year old did this, I would struggle to see it was a mistake, and would presume they were mucking around. I'd be cross. I wouldn't make them eat it, though (all that sugary best squash on top of sugary cereal would surely dissolve their teeth, and just be horrible), I'd be banning Ribena instead.

Oliversmumsarmy · 17/03/2019 09:36

Eat what was in front of you would be a norm a few generations ago and many children were served cold, congealed leftovers to ensure the message reached home. Not nice but hardly life changing unless you wanted it to be

Brother and sister who lived in our street were made to eat everything put in front of them. If they didn’t eat it for tea it was served for breakfast, lunch and dinner till they ate it. Together with other abuses.

Brother killed himself and sister ended up in prison.

Force feeding someone is abusive and can add to effecting life many years in the future

Gersin · 17/03/2019 09:36

I felt like I was a dreadful child (I wasn’t particularly I have since discovered), the harsh punishments I received had far more to do with my mothers mental health than my ‘naughtiness’.

I can imagine being give a punishment like that when I was a child, it would have been along the lines of me wanting to pour my own milk but not being allowed in case I used to much (post war parents who had hang ups about waste), I would have poured it anyway, got it wrong and the punishment would have been for not listening! ‘If you had listened that would not have happened’. It wasn’t right but that is the sort of thing that happened.

My parents think that I’m too easy on my kids.

Ohyesiam · 17/03/2019 09:37

Should children be punished for mistakes? I don’t think so.
So sorry you were not treated as you should have been, o imagine this is part of a muchich bigger story.
Healing for me lay on finding boundaries, and giving myself permission to thrive. I did inner child work with a therapist which was a game changer.

cdtaylornats · 17/03/2019 09:37

Yes but with milk added to make it lovely.

Munchkingoat · 17/03/2019 09:40

No I absolutely would not make them eat it. Many of my childhood memories are of being forced to eat food. Countless hours sat at the table trying to force tiny mouthfuls down if I could, more often just sat there because I simply couldn't eat it, vomiting often and still not being allowed to leave the table. It's taken me years and years to have a decent relationship with food.

HotpotLawyer · 17/03/2019 09:41

“Wouldn't have been considered in the same light back then.
You have to take the prevailing social conventions into account”

Er, if the OP is 26, say, this happened in 2001 and I would be very surprised if she had parents who remembered rationing.

OP, if your feeling was of walking on eggshells you were not in a healthy emotional environment.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 17/03/2019 09:43

I’ve been thinking - would I make DS eat it and no, no wouldn’t. I may suggest he tries a spoonful but actually it would have too much sugar so I wouldn’t do that.

However - mum couldn’t drink milk so used to have fruit juice on her cereal.

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 17/03/2019 09:44

Eat what was in front of you would be a norm a few generations ago. I agree. A legacy of the lean war years and rationing, I'm sure.

As indicated upthread, we had to do this at primary school with some disgusting stuff served up to us. It was non-negotiable and non-compliance warranted a trip to see the very fierce headmistress. I recall once the rice-pudding tasted as if it had been 'gassed'. It was the only time we were given permission to leave food.

kaytee87 · 17/03/2019 09:45

Op have you posted this before?

Hyacintharehighersincelasttime · 17/03/2019 09:45

I think you need to learn to Move on from this episode op. How? I dont know. come to terms with it, file it away not to revisit again. Be a better parent.

MrsLinManuelMiranda · 17/03/2019 09:48

mrsm43s Both myself and my DH have on at least one occasion gone to the fridge to get the milk, but absent mindedly picked up juice carton and poured contents over cereal. Naturally we forced each other to eat the cereal as punishment.......not!

clairemcnam · 17/03/2019 09:48

Eat what is in front if you was normal, because many families did not have the money to offer alternatives. It wasn't if you don't eat this, you can get fruit and toast, there would be nothing else.
And I hate people comparing things to how we treat adults. I don't send my DP to bed at a certain time, or make him go to work, or make him have a shower. All things that I have had to do with kids.

toomuchtooold · 17/03/2019 09:49

OP, have you had a look on the Stately Homes thread at all? What you describe sounds like emotional abuse - the background that some posters (with decent families) will be missing is that all this sort of stuff is done with a background of constant aggression and fear. I'm sure that a mum at the end of her tether might say "right, that's IT, you're eating that bloody mess you made" and you'd pick up the spoon like two times and by that time she'll have calmed down and she makes you a bit of toast. But equally there are parents, not many, but parents who when they are in a bad mood for whatever reason will absolutely delighted that you did something wrong because they now have an outlet for their rage. And if you have the second kind, this stuff does stick with you, and people minimising it is actually quite cruel.

StoppinBy · 17/03/2019 09:51

If I am honest, the carelessness would annoy me (let's be honest, they look totally different) but I wouldn't make my kids eat it, silly accidents do happen.

I am sure anyone that says they haven't done something like putting the milk in the cupboard instead of the fridge is probably not telling the truth.

Thecabbageassasin · 17/03/2019 09:51

Switch the mother to step mum and the apologists would be taking a different view.
At best your mum was having a bad day, but as youve said you constantly walked on eggs shells around her, it does seem like a pattern of abusive behaviour which tends to follow you into adult life.

Seaweed42 · 17/03/2019 09:52

It'd be abusive to make the child eat it.
No one would do that to a grown up.
It's no excuse saying that was a thing in those days. It doesn't excuse it.
These things are so important in the context of our adult lives. We shape our self concept around how adults treated us as children.
The moods your caregiver was in, had nothing to do with you. You just got caught in the crossfire.

Qwertylass · 17/03/2019 09:54

At 8 did you not know the difference! I wouldn't do it though x

TheInvestigator · 17/03/2019 09:54

I can't believe people saying you did it on purpose. Sometimes when people are tired or distracted they make mistakes!!

Bloody hell. I poured orange juice into my tea instead of mills because I was doing too much at once and for mixed up. It happens.

To answer your question; no, you don't make them eat it. It could have made you very ill for a start, and it's just cruel. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves and if that incident is indicative of the way they treated you in general, then I'm very sorry you grew up like the and hope you're happier now.