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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants me to eat meat!

237 replies

ElizabethForever · 17/03/2019 07:33

I have been a vegan my entire life. My parents are vegans and my siblings are. My husband is mainly vegan as I do the food shopping and cooking. I have never stopped him eating the food he wants to eat however anything containing animal products in the garage (we have a fridge/freezer out there).
I am in the very very early stages of pregnancy and since we found our DH keeps making hints that I should be eating meat to keep the baby healthy. I have never had any problems with my iron levels etc but I have never been pregnant before. DH has upset me by suggesting I go against something which is obviously a huge part of my life but I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable to be upset or if hormones are making me think more of it? Thanks

OP posts:
dangermouseisace · 17/03/2019 11:41

YANBU, you don’t need meat to have a healthy baby. I’m vegan. All 3 pregnancies were fine, healthy babies and I breastfed them all. All children are now high achievers, at least average height etc. I only was slightly anaemic in one pregnancy for a short time. I did end up eating free range eggs occasionally when breastfeeding as getting vegan food when out was really difficult back then and I got too skinny. That wouldn’t be necessary these days.

Spa tone is good for iron, and the vegan society vitamin for nearly everything else. I also took an essential fatty acid supplement ground seeds and stirred them into my porridge.

Middlrm · 17/03/2019 11:48

I am sure you can find loads of iron in vegetables your body will have a way of telling you what you need.

You can get multivitamins for pregnancy that will help ... natures aid pregnancy tablets are vegan approved .

I took pregnancy tablets I am a meat eater I Confess ... but felt so rubbish with sickness my diet was random and not particularly varied for the first 4 months so felt it was important to ensure I was topped up.

I am sure he is just concerned but expressing it in perhaps an uneducated manner ... so discuss with him what research you have no doubt done... the steps you aim to take and remind him it’s your body your choice.

Regards weaning and babies diet that is perhaps something to consider to discuss to as opinions can become very heated when it comes to your little one x x

Middlrm · 17/03/2019 11:52

Interestingly me and my husband are avid meat eaters ridiculously so ... every meal normally ... we have a 16 week son as have started to introduce vegetarian dinners into our diet 2-3 times a week so we are having a more balanced diet for him when he is eating with us and to teach him better eating habits ( not sure I could manage vegan at the moment ... defno baby steps after 35 years of a different way of life ) and I really like a lot of the dinners so far ... just need to keep exploring so we don’t get board x x

Hannahmates · 17/03/2019 12:02

I don't think either of you are being controlling. He knew you were vegan before you got married so he's probably fine with compromising by walking to the garage. Have you been feeling or looking really ill? It is probably coming from a place of concern and worry. Ask your doctor about your diet during pregnancy and monitor your health. If everything is fine then that should out his worries to rest.

Also, the baby will probably be fine. It will pull the nutrients that it needs from the mother if the mother isn't consuming enough nutrients. That's why some mother's teeth fall out during pregnancy. Baby is leeching off the calcium in their bodies. If OP's diet is inadequate she will be the one bearing the brunt of it, not the baby. But given that she has been vegan for many years I'm sure she's well aware of what she should be eating.

Natsku · 17/03/2019 12:03

Interestingly me and my husband are avid meat eaters ridiculously so ... every meal normally ... we have a 16 week son as have started to introduce vegetarian dinners into our diet 2-3 times a week

I just started doing the same, as well as some vegan lunches for my toddler so he gets used to all different kinds of meals. Though it's not just to vary our diet, but also to reduce our food shopping costs!

RockinHippy · 17/03/2019 12:03

but I'm sure it's perfectly possible to get everything you need from a vegan diet without the need for some of the scaremongering on this thread.

Unfortunately myname it isn't, you can check the Vegan society website if you want to confirm that...

This is just B12, I believe iron, calcium etc can be an issue too, but I've not personally found those difficult to get from vegetarian foods. I do realise reading this though that vegan fortified foods are more available than they were. We don't generally eat processed foods though, so I've only just noticed the improvement. A pregnant mother still needs more B12 though

www.vegansociety.com/resources/nutrition-and-health/nutrients/vitamin-b12/what-every-vegan-should-know-about-vitamin-b12

It's a particularly scary deficiency as the blood tests aren't reliable, so doctors can easily miss it. My daughters B12 levels were in range so she was refused treatment & I had to fight for her. One doctor accused me of FII & cruelty for pushing for injections, even writing to our GP & trying to block treatment. Thankfully our GP knows us better & knew DD wanted to try B12 injections too. Our GP initially didn't understand, but did educate herself & has since been fantastic. She put her neck on the line giving DD B12 injections even though a trial of B12 injections is a known diagnostic tool. Sadly medical ignorance on this is rife & that rarely gets used without a fight, so her colleagues were against it. 6 x B12 injections had my daughter out of her wheelchair & walking normally within 2 weeks, sleeping 6 hours instead of 1/2, dizziness, breathlessness, nerve pain, depression & much more all gone & able to cope with school again.

I know our situation isn't quite the norm in that we do have a genetic condition that means we don't process B12 well, but low B12 eventually causes problems no matter why you are low. Kids need more B12 than adults too, so they are most at risk. Pregnant mums at risk as babies take whatever you have. I was kept in hospital fir 2 weeks after her birth as I was so dizzy I couldn't stand safely. I wasn't treat or even explained why bar "Anaemia, eat your greens" from one Nurse. I never fully recovered & I'm now disabled. Years down the line I found out that my blood results then showed a clear deficiency which was ignored due to lack of understanding. I'd hate for anyone else to go through that if it can be avoided

GPatz · 17/03/2019 12:15

It's so patronising to tell someone to 'educate themselves'.

Hannahmates · 17/03/2019 12:15

@RockinHippy that sounds awful. Sorry you went through that. Most of the vegan community, in my experience, are very aware of the fact that they need to supplement b12. I haven't yet met a vegan who doesn't supplement b12 and I am around a lot of vegan folks.

RockinHippy · 17/03/2019 12:17

That's good to know Hannah, unfortunately I know quite a few who sadly weren't so aware, or were using algae based supplements such a spirulina & have suffered for it.

00100001 · 17/03/2019 12:26

Ok, s to all the people who think the animal stuff being in a the garage..... why not put all the vegan specific stuff in the garage (like the nut milk, the vegan cheese ) and all the animal stuff in the kitchen fridge

would it be absolutley fine for OP to have to go to the garage to get her stuff?

any why does it have to be separated anyway? you don;t just leave a slab of raw steak on the top of the veggies, or pour cows milk directly into the bottom drawer for storage, they're all wrapped/covered. so whats the problem?

the OP is being a dickhead by insisting it's separate.

BertrandRussell · 17/03/2019 12:31

“Ok, s to all the people who think the animal stuff being in a the garage..... why not put all the vegan specific stuff in the garage (like the nut milk, the vegan cheese ) and all the animal stuff in the kitchen fridge“

Presumably it would be that way round if the majority of cooking and eating in the house was not vegan (op all vegan, her dp mostly vegan)? Unless your really think poor marginalise meat eaters should be making a stand for their rights?

00100001 · 17/03/2019 13:11

no, i think that the OP is being controlling. and making her husband go out to the garage is a dick move.

if it means so much to her that things are separate, why doesn't she separate her stuff and inconvenience herself?

if i disagreed with my DHs hobby of oil painting and made him do it in the garage, but I could do my water-colours at the kitchen table is that fair?

PutyourtoponTrevor · 17/03/2019 13:30

Don't be a dick 0010001, not even remotely comparable

OneStepSideways · 17/03/2019 13:52

I think you should seek expert advice eg consult a dietician. It's natural for your partner to be concerned about the baby getting the right nutrition!

I'm shocked you make him keep non vegan products in the garage, that sounds very self centred and controlling.

FamilyOfAliens · 17/03/2019 13:55

the OP is being a dickhead by insisting it's separate.

How do you know it’s not her DH who insists it’s separate?

The OP, who obviously hasn’t returned since this turned into garage-gate, and her DH are probably laughing their heads off at posters looking for a fight where there isn’t one.

FamilyOfAliens · 17/03/2019 13:57

I'm shocked you make him keep non vegan products in the garage

Why are you shocked about something the OP has never said she does (making him put non-vegan food in the outside fridge, if it’s not clear what you’ve just claimed)?

kbPOW · 17/03/2019 13:58

The only wonder is that OP posted on mumsnet about being vegan. Everyone knows it brings out the dumbest goady fuckers of all time.

BertrandRussell · 17/03/2019 14:06

“I'm shocked you make him keep non vegan products in the garage, that sounds very self centred and controlling.”

It’s a mostly vegan house. So it’s sensible to keep the least used food in the further away fridge, surely?

BertrandRussell · 17/03/2019 14:08

“if i disagreed with my DHs hobby of oil painting and made him do it in the garage, but I could do my water-colours at the kitchen table is that fair?”
Bad example. Oil painting can smell quite strongly- water colour painting doesn’t.

FamilyOfAliens · 17/03/2019 14:10

The only wonder is that OP posted on mumsnet about being vegan. Everyone knows it brings out the dumbest goady fuckers of all time.

Agree, though I’m disappointed no-one has yet posted, “how do you know if someone’s a vegan?” yet Grin

BertrandRussell · 17/03/2019 14:12

I did very much enjoy “if you don’t approve of using animal milk, how can you breastfeed” though.

FamilyOfAliens · 17/03/2019 14:13

I missed that, Bertrand. What a priceless comment.

Armadillostoes · 17/03/2019 14:17

Whilst I agree that the goady responses to any vegan posters are predictable, it doesn't make them okay. Would the people accusing the OP of being controlling on the basis of the 'fridge make the same comments about a Muslim or Jewish partner not wanting religiously forbidden food in their kitchen 'fridge?

If no, then they are stupid as well as bigoted. Being anti-ethical vegans per se is not different to being antagonists to ALL members of a particular faith tradition. That is why the ECHR provides for freedom of belief, not just religious belief.

If yes, then they are consistent, but very unpleasant/small minded people. At least they don't discriminate, and just belittle EVERYONE whose world-view/belief system doesn't match theirs....

For the record, I am not vegan, but know quite a few people who are. In common with most other categories of humans, some are lovely and some are jerks.

CostanzaG · 17/03/2019 14:22

Veganism isn't a religion but yes I would still have an issue....nobody should be forced to keep their food in the garage.

Thisnamechanger · 17/03/2019 14:25

Tbf OP says I do the food shopping and cooking

If that's the case and to OP seeing meat/animal products makes her feel ill then why is it such a big deal they aren't kept where she has to see them all day. Seems like a storm in a teacup (with Oatly!) to me.