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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Netflix Madeleine McCann

999 replies

mumineedawee · 16/03/2019 17:57

AIBU to think that any coverage of her disappearance is a good thing. I watched two episodes of the Netflix programme and think that if it were to bring her back into the spotlight, then surely it’s worthwhile? I’m on my own in that opinion here in our house.

OP posts:
Stroller15 · 17/03/2019 00:10

I've just finished watching the documentary - not aware that it is 8 hours long when I started! I found it very good, convinced one way half way through and then the other way towards the end. We have 2 children under 3 and 3 days ago in a hotel we were playing rock, paper scissors for who were going to the entertainment and who were watching the kids. It wouldn't even be an idea to leave them. Not night after night for hours. I don't get it. But as I said, the doc also highlighted what terrible things are happening and I loved police officer Jim, found him inspiring.

crimsonlake · 17/03/2019 00:25

What happened to freedom of speech?

SleepingSloth · 17/03/2019 00:29

Just watching the last one.

I have never thought the parents had any involvement in Madeleine's disappearance and this documentary hasn't changed that opinion. I feel so desperately sorry for Madeleine and her family. They have been treated very badly both by the press and the police. The Portuguese police have much to answer for. There are some evil people in the world.

UnspiritualHome · 17/03/2019 00:34

What happened to freedom of speech?

Nothing. Our freedom of speech has always been subject to the law of defamation. Plus, this is a privately owned website and the owners are perfectly entitled to say what they will and will not allow to be posted on it.

jocktamsonsbairn · 17/03/2019 00:36

I was a holiday rep for many years in late 80s/mid 90's. It was absolutely common place for parents to go for a meal/drinks and get hotel staff to listen in on hotel room phone (phone left off hook and receptionist listened via switchboard for a minute or every 15 mins or whatever the arrangement was). Bear in mind reception could be very busy and staff might not have time to do this religiously but it was widely accepted. Some hotels offered a checking service where a member of staff would walk round and listen at doors every so often. Again a very much common place and widely accepted practice.
I worked in the kids club one season and was asked 3 times that season to sit in a hotel room and babysit - I was paid. One time it was for a 3 month old baby and I had no clue about how to look after babies, I was 19 and parents left me a bottle of wine to drink!! They were commented on for being very security conscious amongst staff! Bear in mind no checks were done on holiday reps/kids club reps in those days and the parents had only met me a couple of times in passing as obviously the baby was too young for kids club,
So, given that this was definitely a common thing across European resorts (especially the more expensive ones) I don't actually blame the parents for doing what everyone else was doing, people do get a false sense of security when they are on holiday and if it's accepted by other people then it becomes 'normal'.
Personally I don't think they killed her, how they would know where to dispose of a body in a strange and foreign place for all this time and under this level of scrutiny is beyond me.

I think they were guilty of leaving their children, but this guilt is shared by millions of other parents who did the same thing in similar resorts all over the world, and had been for decades.
Personally I have never done it but having seen it happen all the time in numerous resorts, I can see why they thought the service they did themselves was ok - was probably as good as or better than the hotel service. If they'd paid for a member of staff to go round and listen at the door they wouldn't be getting blamed now, the hotel would.
In the 1979s as a child we were left in our cabin on a ferry while my lovely mum and dad went for a drink - we had a great time/carry on with the kids in the cabin next to us who had also been left, and my brother and the other boy broke a bed by jumping on it! The lowly member of staff dispatched to wander round the cabins every hour or so was raging at us but did fix the bed before parents got back and never told. So it was happening way back then. My parents are so careful and loving, it was accepted as normal back then.
The M's come from educated backgrounds and if I remember correctly was it not Gerry's sister who initially set up the fund? Their family and friends had access to knowledge, contacts and resources that mums like Kerry Needham could only dream off. Might have been the family's way of doing something to help.
Sadly I think MM is long gone and her family are living with this nightmare for the rest of their lives.

UnspiritualHome · 17/03/2019 00:38

I never understand why people think it's necessary to go on here and pontificate about leaving the children alone. Do you really believe that it's a staggeringly original thought in relation to this topic? And don't you think these parents have bitterly regretted it every moment of their lives subsequently?

UnspiritualHome · 17/03/2019 00:40

I don’t understand how the other two children weren’t taken into care when they returned to the UK

Because people who know rather more about it that you do decided they weren't at risk. Subsequent history has demonstrated that they were correct.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/03/2019 00:48

I never understand why people think it's necessary to go on here and pontificate about leaving the children alone. Do you really believe that it's a staggeringly original thought in relation to this topic? And don't you think these parents have bitterly regretted it every moment of their lives subsequently?

I agree. I cannot get my head around the hatred and bitterness that some people spew because these two people left their children while they ate. It always amazes me too how the other adults don’t seem to be despised as much, if at all. Yet they did exactly the same.

Yes it wasn’t the best idea in retrospect but they don’t deserve the hatred they receive from so many people.

Kummerspeck · 17/03/2019 00:52

I do judge the McCanns as I have stayed in those same apartments a year earlier than this sad case, My DCs were older and I still wouldn't have left them
This was not a gated resort but was a village/small town with the facilities dotted around and roads through it

jocktamsonsbairn · 17/03/2019 00:58

Most of the properties I looked after weren't gated resorts but ordinary hotels:apartment blocks on the beach, in the centre of resort or on the main road of the resort/island,

Gone4Good · 17/03/2019 01:07

This girl's disappearance was all over the TV here in the States as well. There are thousands of missing children in the U.S. yet she got priority for some reason.

SleepingSloth · 17/03/2019 01:50

I don't have Netflix, but has the testimony around the Smith family's sightings been covered yet?

Yes. The police showed it couldn't have been Gerry as he was and dinner at that time. I think all the 'evidence' like the blood in the car, the dogs, was all just shown to be a load of bollocks. Lots of time and resources wasted pointing the finger at the parents. The lies by the police were just unbelievable.

CoughingAndSneezing · 17/03/2019 01:57

I can't even believe that anyone would compare what happened to Denise Bulger, to the scenario involving the McCanns

Denise Bulger & Kerry Needham were not out having dinner with friends whilst leaving their young children alone.

Gone4Good · 17/03/2019 03:04

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flapjackfairy · 17/03/2019 03:16

I think that they have suffered enough for anyone. And that poor child as well of course. What is to be gained by vilifying them ?
I agree they were stupid and it defies belief that all of them lacked such common sense and parenting skill ( in fact one parent was late for dinner because his daughter had been sick and he had to change her etc. I mean that was a tragedy waiting to happen right there leaving a child alone who could choke on their own vomit . It defies belief that anyone would risk that )
I have never believed they were involved but they would've been better treated if they had just come straight out and admit they were foolish . Even a couple of years ago KM was still saying they had done nothing at all wrong. This is what gets peoples backs up tbh.

Chlo1674 · 17/03/2019 03:38

What I can’t understand is that apparently when KM realised that M was missing she went running to the rest of the group screaming “they’ve taken her”. If she believed that her daughter had been abducted why leave the other children in the room - potentially with an abductor / abductors lurking somewhere in the apartment? But then I guess who knows how any of us would react? It’s just the stuff of nightmares. I know it could happen in any country but this case has actually put me off taking my family on a holiday abroad and I certainly won’t be going to Portugal.

user1457017537 · 17/03/2019 05:15

I took my family to Portugal many times when they were young children, babies even. The Portuguese love children and couldn’t have been more helpful, even taking their bottles away and sterilising them with steam and making them up. Nothing was too much trouble. I don’t think you can blame them for this.

MuseumofInnocence · 17/03/2019 06:02

I can't even believe that anyone would compare what happened to Denise Bulger, to the scenario involving the McCanns

Why not? In that case, a parent was out shopping and didn't pay enough attention. She must rue what she did that day. I'm absolutely not blaming her, but for every young child abdicated there has to be a slip of attention and something the parents later regret ( maybe I should have had him on a leash, etc)

Itsallpointless · 17/03/2019 06:24

I could never have left my children. NOT EVER. I only watched the first episode and was horrified at the distance between the room and the restaurant. Supposing a child gets up and wanders? When you have children, there are many sacrifices to be made. I don’t think they had any part in her disappearance, only the neglect of leaving her. They have to live with that for the rest of their lives, punishment enough I think.

I truly hope her parents get closure, this is mental torture.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 17/03/2019 06:30

I feel nothing but sympathy for them. They have gone through hell. I disagree that they're "milking it" - they have lost their child. Of course they are going to throw all the money and time they have in raising awareness.

As for them being at fault - it's a tough one. The risk they took in leaving the children was miniscule - much smaller than say driving them on a motorway in terms of potential harm. Perhaps it was injudicious but I don't think it's helpful or kind to lambast them for it. Haven't they suffered enough?

It would be far easier if they'd found her body. At least they'd know she was dead. Instead every day they have to live with uncertainty, not to mention the fact that if she is sitll alive she'll have no recollection of her old life, or even speak English.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/03/2019 06:42

As for them being at fault - it's a tough one. The risk they took in leaving the children was miniscule - much smaller than say driving them on a motorway in terms of potential harm. Perhaps it was injudicious but I don't think it's helpful or kind to lambast them for it. Haven't they suffered enough?

I agree, yes in hindsight they shouldn’t have left them, not just them but all of the group, but do people think that because of this decision they deserve to be forever hated and shown no compassion for what they’ve lost?

I don’t understand why people, 12 years on need to still say that they would never leave their child. Who cares if you wouldn’t? Does it make you feel superior somehow? Give you a little warm feeling inside?

None of us are perfect. Even those of you who think you are.

makemineapinacolada · 17/03/2019 06:54

I think the toothbrush thing would be regarded as a basic need the same as bedclothes , which when I was nursing children, not that long ago , was used as a marker for child neglect .

Bed clothes being pyjamas or nightie?
Out of interest, What are the other markers of neglect?

GabsAlot · 17/03/2019 07:05

theyve never said they regret or they were wrong leaving the kids though-thats always wrangled me-the complete lack of awareness

especially ater it came out maddie said we were crying the night before why didnt u come-could u leave your child after that

Stormyday · 17/03/2019 07:07

Bedclothes = bedding, sheets, duvet, pillow etc not a bare mattress

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/03/2019 07:11

they've never said they regret or they were wrong leaving the kids though-thats always wrangled me-the complete lack of awareness

A quick google will tell you you’re wrong.