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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that things were different before 2007?

749 replies

Haarrieett · 15/03/2019 19:03

Just happened to see that the new Madeleine McCann documentary is trending on twitter - I clicked on it and saw that hundreds of people were saying things along the lines of "Who would leave their children alone in a foreign country?"

I was slightly Blush at this because dh and I honestly used to do this all the time. My dc are a few years older than Madeleine - when we went on holiday to resorts in places like Greece and Spain, we would often leave them alone in a hotel room (often with a window/patio door open for fresh air) while we went out for dinner.

Obviously, after Madeleine went missing we never did it again, but I do recall it being pretty common behaviour at least among our friends.

Did anyone else used to do this in the pre-MM era?

OP posts:
mumoftinyterrors · 17/03/2019 22:38

I'm actually horrified by some of the responses here. Of course you don't leave young children on their own whilst you get pissed/dine out/have "adult" time.

I thought it was a no brainer 😱

twattymctwatterson · 17/03/2019 22:42

This was only 12 years ago! I was 27 and totally horrified those kids were left, as was everyone I knew. DD is 5 and would be so frightened if she woke up in a foreign country and I wasn't there.
Op what you did to your kids was so dangerous and neglectful. 10 minutes away?! There's no excuse for that.
I was born in 1980 and my mum would have been horrified at the suggestion. I've been 'defending' the McCanns somewhat on another thread because there's nothing I can imagine that's worse than what they're going through. No one deserves it. They'll have to live with their mistake forever.

pootyisabadcat · 17/03/2019 22:46

What is a reasonable age to leave them in a hotel room by themselves or at home while you pop to the shop?

We leave DD and DS who are 13 and 10 in a hotel room by themselves whilst we go to the shop or do short errands, couple of hours at the most. They both have phones and get on well. Would leave DD when she started secondary school but not with DS who was then about 8. Last month we left them in a hotel room and walked to an ASDA about 5 mins. away to get some sandwiches and snacks and drinks. Probably gone about half an hour and they kept sending us silly selfies.

brizzlemint · 17/03/2019 22:47

My eldest two are a lot older than Madeline McCann was and my youngest is a couple of years younger, I'd never have done it with any of them - in my opinion you have children to spend time with them so why would I leave them alone in a hotel room and go out for a meal without them?

NameChanger22 · 17/03/2019 23:01

What is a reasonable age to leave them in a hotel room by themselves or at home while you pop to the shop?

9, 10, 11. Certainly not 2 or 3.

BejamNostalgia · 17/03/2019 23:05

If you are in a group of 8/9 like-minded adults and the majority are saying "leave the kids asleep, they will be fine, we will all keep checking" would you be more swayed to leaving them even though your initial instinct was to not?

I think you have a point with that. I also think the jobs and class of the people involved had a lot to do with it.

I think when you have that level of privilege and the confidence that comes with it then you’re not really constrained by social checks quite as much.

I think there’s a sort of entitlement which comes with having authority. I think people are a lot more likely to judge gobby, sun burned overweight northerners doing what they did than they are a group of middle class doctors. I think a lot of people wouldn’t do what they did purely because they’d know that if any minor incident had happened (like a child wandering out of the apartment and being found quickly or getting an injury when they were alone) they would be nicked straight away and their kids taken into care. But if it happened to a group of wealthy doctors things would be much more likely to be smoothed over and put down to misunderstanding or bad luck.

I really think it had a lot to do with the fact they felt that their privileged position in society would put there actions above question. They still seem to have that attitude today tbh.

pootyisabadcat · 17/03/2019 23:25

I agree, Bejam

LaLaLamp · 17/03/2019 23:27

No I always paid for a baby sitter to come to the hotel.

brizzlemint · 17/03/2019 23:28

What is a reasonable age to leave them in a hotel room by themselves or at home while you pop to the shop?

At home, teenage age if it involves a short drive. 10 or so if it's the corner shop. In a hotel room - never as it's unfamiliar building.

I agree entirely with what Bejam said.

categed · 17/03/2019 23:31

I wouldn't leave my kids alone, not becuse of fire or abduction or pedophiles, but because at 3 or under they still wake often, they get out of bed, they wander, they wake each other up and because i have seen too many incidents caused by a child left unsupervised for tiny amounts of time.
Privileged or not, the Mccanns were medically trained, kate would be seing children weekly, if not daily who have bumps, breaks etc from being too adventurous. At what point did they think 2 year olds and a 3 year old were safe alone in a strange place. They may have convinced themselves it was ok, but would they have done it at home where the risks, if caught may have been charges of neglect? Who knows, however i can't imagine living with that guilt or getting my head around those choices i made.
Maybe this case has saved others by making people think about what they are doing.

SevenSeasofRye · 17/03/2019 23:37

I have never heard the McCanns say they made a mistake in making the choice they did. Not once.

LoisWilkerson1 · 17/03/2019 23:48

Ours in 2003 were out with us asleep in the buggy. We wouldn't have left them alone no. I feel sympathy for the McCann family though. An error in judgement that had awful consequences.

Amibeingnaive · 17/03/2019 23:57

My mother walked me to school until I was 14 (in 1999). I had to BEG her to stop.

She would no sooner have left me unattended at the age of three than flown to the fucking moon. I think I was first left alone in the house overnight at nearly 20.

The same goes for my brothers who were born in 1968 and 1969 respectively - the first time they were left was when my mum was in labour with me, when they were 16 and 17.

I will never understand the McCanns actions on that holiday.

SevenSeasofRye · 17/03/2019 23:57

I finally got to the end of this tonight. I found the discussion about paedophillia so upsetting. Really appalling to hear about child trafficking on such a massive scale. In some ways it seems really unfair that all this money has been spent on finding one child when all these other children have no one to speak for them. It would have been fairer to send the donations to a centralised agency to fund the workntonstop child trafficking .

SevenSeasofRye · 17/03/2019 23:59

End of the McCann documentary that is.

Amibeingnaive · 17/03/2019 23:59

I think a lot of people wouldn’t do what they did purely because they’d know that if any minor incident had happened (like a child wandering out of the apartment and being found quickly or getting an injury when they were alone) they would be nicked straight away

No, I wouldn't do it because I don't want to subject my children to easily avoidable risk. Why would anyone?

Amibeingnaive · 18/03/2019 00:08

I have never heard the McCanns say they made a mistake in making the choice they did. Not once.

Agree; they're very defensive of their actions, saying how well the checking system worked, that the chances of abduction were 'a million to one', everyone did it etc.

They left the door unlocked and their toddlers unattended for 30 mins (or more) at a time, several minutes walk away and out of sight. Why try and defend that. It is unquestionably poor parenting.

Amibeingnaive · 18/03/2019 00:16

My children are 18m apart, so similar age gap to the McCann children. I remember quite a few early holidays where we had dinner at 6pm, minidisco soon after, then DH and I ended up falling asleep with the kids at around 9pm, because we were in a darkened hotel room (I seem to remember we were quite grateful of the extra sleep, tbh)

Because that's what you do. Holidays with toddlers aren't really for the parents, in my experience.

Oliversmumsarmy · 18/03/2019 00:59

If you are in a group of 8/9 like-minded adults and the majority are saying "leave the kids asleep, they will be fine, we will all keep checking" would you be more swayed to leaving them even though your initial instinct was to not

I was in that exact scenario the year before.

I was bullied and talked about as that woman who was over protective and it made the holiday quite frankly a right off because I was surrounded by those following the McCann style of childcare.

BejamNostalgia · 18/03/2019 01:11

I was bullied and talked about as that woman who was over protective and it made the holiday quite frankly a right off because I was surrounded by those following the McCann style of childcare.

It’s hard to know that if the McCann’s were the ones pressuring or the ones being pressured though. I know there was some talk of one parent in the other families staying in with a child saying she was ill, I did wonder if that was an excuse.

BejamNostalgia · 18/03/2019 01:16

I have never heard the McCanns say they made a mistake in making the choice they did. Not once

Kate McCann did in her book. She said she bitterly regrets it. It was Gerry who was very bombastic and insisted that they’d been reassured that their behaviour fell ‘well within the bounds of responsible parenting’.

SavageBeauty73 · 18/03/2019 01:19

Nope never left my kids like that. I have a large group of friends and we would rather book a villa than apartments. I'm seriously easy going and I would judge anyone who left their kids.

BejamNostalgia · 18/03/2019 01:24

No, I wouldn't do it because I don't want to subject my children to easily avoidable risk. Why would anyone?

Well no, I wouldn’t either but not everyone feels that way. People on this thread have said they would do it. My husband is a bit of a fatalist and I think he probably would, what I mean is that if the two types of parents were the thought who would take the risk, the ones who are lower class would frequently think twice about doing it because of the social consequences but people like the McCann’s often that wouldn’t be a consideration.

There was a case reported last year, a Scottish couple in Majorca, a mother and a step father. All the reports hinted that they were a bit oiky and the resort was downmarket, they went to the bar and left a 4 and 11yo alone and they were arrested and their kids taken into care. I really can’t imagine the same happening to the McCanns.

miranda1511 · 18/03/2019 01:41

My parents never left me and I wouldn't leave my child in this situation either. But I get that there may have been pressure to follow others lead. I would bet that if those families were in possession of the facts re break ins and sex attacks on young British female children in the algarve they wouldn't have thought this such a good idea.

SusieQ5604 · 18/03/2019 01:43

My parents took a babysitter (young teen) on vacation with us three kids so at night, after doing kid stuff all day, they could go out to eat, dance, etc. and feel safe leaving us locked up in hotel room.

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