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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that things were different before 2007?

749 replies

Haarrieett · 15/03/2019 19:03

Just happened to see that the new Madeleine McCann documentary is trending on twitter - I clicked on it and saw that hundreds of people were saying things along the lines of "Who would leave their children alone in a foreign country?"

I was slightly Blush at this because dh and I honestly used to do this all the time. My dc are a few years older than Madeleine - when we went on holiday to resorts in places like Greece and Spain, we would often leave them alone in a hotel room (often with a window/patio door open for fresh air) while we went out for dinner.

Obviously, after Madeleine went missing we never did it again, but I do recall it being pretty common behaviour at least among our friends.

Did anyone else used to do this in the pre-MM era?

OP posts:
coffeeismyspinach · 17/03/2019 19:28

Why o why if you were doing a tag team babysitting service, couldn't you actually stay with the kids for lets say half an hour then tag in the next watcher. So one of the party stays away for half an hour. No biggie

I'm not entirely convinced they were bobbing up and down like corks checking on those children every half hour or however often they said they were, tbh. Seems rather miserable to leave the table when the wine is flowing and the food is being served.

There was so many alternatives to leaving their young children alone in those villas with the doors unlocked, too.

FWIW, my kids enjoy kids' club on cruises.

slipperywhensparticus · 17/03/2019 19:33

I kept my kids with me they dropped off if they needed to late nights and lazy morning it's a family holiday not a stag do

BertieBotts · 17/03/2019 19:47

Agree, coffee, I can't hugely blame them for it because I think actually everyone has done similar, whether they would admit to it or not. Perhaps not leaving DC in a totally separate location - but certainly, starting out with good/reasonable expectations (I'll check them every 15 minutes/I'll never let the baby in my bed/I'll cut grapes and watch every morsel of food until he's 5) gets stretched, you leave it to 20, then 30, then oops it's been an hour, but it's alright they're fast asleep. Or with cosleeping you do it occasionally, cautiously, according to guidelines when exhausted and then it's regularly and then the odd night you find yourself waking up and the duvet is really too close to their face or they're face down in the bed rather than in the correct position. And with food you start out all paranoid and then by the time they are 18 months you give them snacks in the car to keep them awake/quiet. Or whatever. Everyone does it with something because we're human and we can't be perfect parents all of the time. And 99.9% of the time even this risky behaviour will result in no harm, so it can be easy to feel no foul committed and carry on. They paid a price and perhaps the publicity about it has made people more aware of those particular risks, but they always existed, and there are tragedies every day which could have been prevented had people been acting perfectly, but perfect is not what humans do.

FrameyMcFrame · 17/03/2019 19:50

No.

FrameyMcFrame · 17/03/2019 19:52

Yep. Hotel resorts with sleeping toddlers in buggys...

Hushnownobodycares · 17/03/2019 20:03

I'm not entirely convinced they were bobbing up and down like corks checking on those children every half hour or however often they said they were, tbh. Seems rather miserable to leave the table when the wine is flowing and the food is being served.

YY to this. I have thought this from the start. All too easy to lose track of time when you've had a few vinos and there's amusing conversation all around.

DannyDyersPants · 17/03/2019 20:08

Yes framey that's what family holidays are to me.

Kids in pushchairs asleep while parents enjoy a drink of an evening. Or sat on hotel balcony taking it in turns to go to bar while kids are asleep in bed!

ssd · 17/03/2019 20:10

Bertie there's a big gap between giving your kid a snack in the car to keep them quiet and leaving them in an unlocked room while you eat dinner out of sight

Jinxed2 · 17/03/2019 20:37

Haven’t RTFT past the first page but wtf?!!

You take your toddler out with you or don’t go out! Jesus Christ

BertieBotts · 17/03/2019 20:46

Right. But there's a risk of a child (especially under 3 or so) choking if they're eating unsupervised. It's not a good idea to give children food when your attention is diverted, which it should be if you're concentrating on the road. And you can't quickly take a choking child out of a car seat.

I'm not saying that the risks are numerically the same, I'm just saying that every parent takes risks with their children, even when they start out thinking those risks are unacceptable and they would never do them - it's a creep creep thing. Perhaps it was a poor example. Obviously, if a child never chokes then they will be perfectly fine even if they are inhaling popcorn and whole grapes while upside down on a trapeze, similarly, a child alone in an unlocked apartment would come to no harm if they slept peacefully and no malevolent stranger/fire/gas entered. It's that "if" - if something goes wrong. Most of the time we can get away with risky behaviour, and that causes some people to become complacent.

ssd · 17/03/2019 20:52

This is one of those cases when you heard what happened you either thought oh god we've done that or you thought jesus christ what made them think that was ok

And I don't think either view would ever cross over

BertieBotts · 17/03/2019 21:03

Well I disagree - because I would never do it (and would never have done even before the big case - would make me too nervous) but I can see how certain factors may have made it seem less risky than it really was. And/or how the process of risk management becomes eroded when people let their guard down and how this happens quite a lot.

BertieBotts · 17/03/2019 21:17

Actually, you're right, sorry, on second thoughts, my first thought was absolutely "Why the fuck would anyone do that??" - it's only the later analysis where it's crossed over. You're right that the first impression would be split.

Upsy1981 · 17/03/2019 21:30

I am 36 and I remember being left in a hotel bedroom on another floor while my mum was downstairs in the hotel bar. I didn't sleep well and I do remember lying there waiting for her to come up to check on me, and then trying to convince her it was her bedtime now too so she'd stay. It was probably about 9:30!

Upsy1981 · 17/03/2019 21:31

I wouldn't do this, but my biggest concern would have been fire rather than anything else.

Savoury99 · 17/03/2019 21:32

We have always had dinner early and then sat on the balcony and had drinks while the children slept. It's a family holiday. Even when we went we with a large amount of people. Luckily it was our parents. They had the chikdren one night.

DannyDyersPants · 17/03/2019 21:46

If you are in a group of 8/9 like-minded adults and the majority are saying "leave the kids asleep, they will be fine, we will all keep checking" would you be more swayed to leaving them even though your initial instinct was to not?

zukiecat · 17/03/2019 21:53

My DDs are 27 and 26,

I have never left them on their own anywhere, not on holidays and not here in the UK.

It just wouldn't have entered my head to do so, it wouldn't matter if I was in a group of 100 other parents who were telling me they'd be fine.

Just No, not ever

gamerchick · 17/03/2019 22:02

My DDs are 27 and 26

I have never left them on their own anywhere, not on holidays and not here in the UK

Do they sneak out at night?

UrsulaPandress · 17/03/2019 22:08

I’m fortunate enough to have never had a group of friends to go on holiday with.

Small mercies.

Savoury99 · 17/03/2019 22:09

If you are in a group of 8/9 like-minded adults and the majority are saying "leave the kids asleep, they will be fine, we will all keep checking" would you be more swayed to leaving them even though your initial instinct was to not?

No, I am such a worrier I would even say to my Husband You go and I'll stay with the kids. He would just stay and share drinks with me and let everyone choose to do whatever.

AtSea1979 · 17/03/2019 22:11

I have stayed in family run bed and breakfasts and left DC asleep in locked room whilst I have sat in the lounge downstairs.
My DC were younger pre 2007 and it never crossed my mind to leave them in the hotel room. When we were abroad they would eat with us then sleep in the buggy next to the table if we stayed out a little later.

zukiecat · 17/03/2019 22:15

gamer

Maybe they do! Grin

Obviously I meant when they were younger!

waytoomuchmuch · 17/03/2019 22:26

I worry too much so wouldn’t leave my kids, But now my kids are getting a little older. What is a reasonable age to leave them in a hotel room by themselves or at home while you pop to the shop?

NewAccount270219 · 17/03/2019 22:28

What is a reasonable age to leave them in a hotel room by themselves or at home while you pop to the shop?

I'd be interested in people's responses to this as I think this is an area where the consensus has changed drastically. My prediction is that by the time my baby reaches secondary school they'll be expected to be in wraparound care until 16.