To think that things were different before 2007?

[Haarrieett]

Just happened to see that the new Madeleine McCann documentary is trending on twitter - I clicked on it and saw that hundreds of people were saying things along the lines of "Who would leave their children alone in a foreign country?"

I was slightly at this because dh and I honestly used to do this all the time. My dc are a few years older than Madeleine - when we went on holiday to resorts in places like Greece and Spain, we would often leave them alone in a hotel room (often with a window/patio door open for fresh air) while we went out for dinner.

Obviously, after Madeleine went missing we never did it again, but I do recall it being pretty common behaviour at least among our friends.

Did anyone else used to do this in the pre-MM era?

During the 'buggy years' we just used to go out and let the kids sleep in their buggies. Works until they are around 4. In spain / holiday resorts at least

Best of both worlds then, we get to go out, they get to sleep, no one is separated.

Dd would always eat out with us. If she got grouchy she went in her buggy and nodded off.

Also, when you say ‘out for dinner’ where do you mean? The hotel restaurant I can kind of understand. A restaurant a 10 minutes drive away is a bit different.

Certainly never been normal in my circle even pre MM. Going with another family group and everyone pitching in or taking parents away in exchange for a couple of nights of babysitting is quite common for our families and friends.

I remember this happening when I was young too.

European restaurants are really family friendly too and it's common to see children out late having dinner so even less excuse really.

Not in the circles I know

My DD was a similar age to MM when she dissappeared and although I felt very sorry for the McCanns I remember being very shocked that they left such young children alone and went to a restaurant.

I am fairly laid back about most things but would not have considered doing such a thing.

OP - would you have left your pre-school age DC alone in your own home in the UK and gone to a nearby bar or restaurant?

I was born in the late 80s and apart from a drink in the bar downstairs of the small (8 bedroom) hotel we visited every year - which had a baby monitor anyway- my parents never left us. They only did that once as we woke up and were frightened - despite mum being back within 90 seconds or so. My mum says she'd not felt comfortable anyway - abduction wouldn't have occurred to people perhaps, but DC being frightened waking somewhere new, or fucking around with the minibar, certainly would have.

I was a teenager in 2007 and remember MM vividly, partly because leaving multiple preschoolers the opposite side of a swimming pool with an open door to the room just seemed a recipe for disaster. Leaving one DC would have been more understandable (although still unwise) as there's not the scope for mischief!

I would never have done that, I am a worrier and could not have relaxed at all, even if abduction seemed a remote possibility a fire would not. I remember Mil not understanding why I wouldn’t leave dd upstairs with a baby monitor when she was a toddler (huge house, I was worried she would would get out of the room and fall down the stairs before I reached her , or that a fire might break out ) .
I do remember people using listening services though, in the 80s.

I have left mine asleep in hotel rooms while eating downstairs / across a courtyard. Also been to neighbours for dinner and left them on the baby monitor. My children are similar ages with MM.

I think an accident is bigger risk than an abduction, and I've made judgement that accident risk was low enough. My call, and it depends on the setting, the child etc.

Generally I tend to think that the consequences of taking no risks are worse than taking some risks.

Also, when you say ‘out for dinner’ where do you mean? The hotel restaurant I can kind of understand. A restaurant a 10 minutes drive away is a bit different

Never more than a 10 minute walk - always within the resort.

We went on a Mark Warner holiday in 2001. Children were served dinner at around 5 or 6pm, then you put them to bed and went for dinner whilst the nannies ran a listening service, patrolling the corridors. This was entirely normal and expected for that holiday and everyone did it. We didn't leave the hotel though - dinner was served in the hotel restaurant.

OP - would you have left your pre-school age DC alone in your own home in the UK and gone to a nearby bar or restaurant?

No, but then there weren’t any restaurants within a 10 minute walk, and our house wasn’t within a contained resort. I don’t think it’s really the same.

There is not a chance in hell my parents would have left us alone in a hotel room in this country let alone abroad. I'm an 80s kid. No I don't think things were different. I was 20 when she went missing, pre kids, and the first thing I said was why on Earth were they left.

Okay, old and older views (pretty much the same)

My mum is in her 80's me in my 40's.

As "older" some mumsnetters will know that life was different growing up a while ago. Neighbours used to go to parties in other houses "across the road" or "down the road" but no my parents didn't leave me.

Now, there is not a hope in hell that i would leave my child alone. In a house, during the daytime for a few hours as he is old enough, overnight, never. In a foreign country alone before errrrrrrrrrrrrrm 16?? maybe .................;)

No, I really don’t think so. My mum was quite relaxed about me being at home alone or with younger sister from the age of about 11 I think, but only in the daytime. On holiday, we were never left alone. We went on holiday with another family and as we got older the oldest daughter (about 14+) would babysit for one evening of the holiday while the adults went out together. I remember lots of instructions about what to do in an emergency. This was in the eighties.

The McCanns were not the only ones who left their children. The other friends also left theirs. I think being part of a group normalised the behaviour.
It is not something we ever did. When our children were younger we always went self-catering, and ate dinner earlier, either at the accommodation or earlier in a restaurant/cafe.

And even more so when they're toddlers!!

I am not a helicopter parent, DH and I go abroad without our kids as an example, but I think abhorrent to leave kids alone in an hotel room and I thought so in 2007.

The sickening thing has always been the class issue. If they were working class in a pub having left their kids at home they would have been mauled by the public and press.

My dd is the same age as MM and I would never leave her unsupervised at that age and was horrified when the story broke and that is what the parents did so no, definitely not common

(But leave them with family I should add ha!!)

No , we didn’t go out and leave them
Listening service in a hotel in the U.K. ,
In Spain we’d just take them out to dinner with us , they’d sit on a chair at the table , with a pile of cushions , or fall asleep in the pushchair or on one of our laps
Never left alone at night

Young kids in 1980s - DP often used to go down for dinner and leave us in locked hotel room with listening service.

I was a child in the 80's and most summer holidays were spent in Southern France. I would be put to bed in our caravan along with the other kids at about 8pm and my parents would walk over to the bar to meet friends. Being kids we would get up and mess around, even walk down to the beach and town! Amazing we survived really.
There is no way I would ever leave my DC alone in a room - I know what can happen.

When people mention a listening service, it wouldn't help much would it, if your child had climbed out of their cot trying to find you and landed on their head, rendering them unconscious, or worse?

I would never have left my child alone in that way and she was grown up by 2007 with children of her own. Everyone I know was shocked that the mcCanns did that, it's not as if they couldn't afford a baby sitter.

In my 30s. My parents did it once at Butlins, but my mum 'didn't like it' even with the listening service, so they didn't do it again.

They generally took us with them. We always had fairly late bedtimes and with 4 kids they were pretty thick-skinned about the looks and tutting of other dinners .