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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that things were different before 2007?

749 replies

Haarrieett · 15/03/2019 19:03

Just happened to see that the new Madeleine McCann documentary is trending on twitter - I clicked on it and saw that hundreds of people were saying things along the lines of "Who would leave their children alone in a foreign country?"

I was slightly Blush at this because dh and I honestly used to do this all the time. My dc are a few years older than Madeleine - when we went on holiday to resorts in places like Greece and Spain, we would often leave them alone in a hotel room (often with a window/patio door open for fresh air) while we went out for dinner.

Obviously, after Madeleine went missing we never did it again, but I do recall it being pretty common behaviour at least among our friends.

Did anyone else used to do this in the pre-MM era?

OP posts:
Lungelady · 16/03/2019 00:21

I was left in the car parked outside the pub in the 60s, when I was 5 or 6. Packet of crisps and a bottle of Ben Shaws

PregnantSea · 16/03/2019 00:22

YANBU but I'm not sure it was normal at such a young age. I was often left alone as a young child but my mum was a raging alcoholic and didn't really think about things like that.

I think if it was a hotel then that would be different, so long as it was secure, and there are staff there. But a holiday cabin with a patio door open sounds dangerous.

jjandtheseagulls · 16/03/2019 00:22

@DrPimplePopper I sound like your mum!

We let the kids go to kids club and I sunbathe outside the door Grin at least til I've got the measure of the staff and the routines

OP I'm honestly shocked and no it wasn't normal. My parents took us out with them and I have done the same with my kids. We even bought a double buggy so the older DC would have somewhere to fall asleep in restaurants. Which they did regularly do. I'd never leave them alone

bizzey · 16/03/2019 00:25

Dies any one know what the name of this documentry is ?? Cant find it
Thanks

BejamNostalgia · 16/03/2019 00:29

Yes! Leaving a 9 month old baby alone for any time Is ridiculous, the distress they would be caused waking up alone would be awful

Oh give over. Babies aren’t going to be traumatised by not being instantly picked up the moment they cry. That’s something only first borns have the luxury of anyway, if I’m putting out tea or bathing one sibling or supervising potty/toilet they have to wait a few minutes and it hasn’t turned them into serial killers yet.

ColeHawlins · 16/03/2019 00:41

@bizzey

www.netflix.com/title/80194956

bizzey · 16/03/2019 00:51

Thank you ..found it .

VelvetSpoon · 16/03/2019 01:15

My DSs are now 17 and 20. So this all happened a long time ago. I only ever needed to run to the shops once. I can't remember what I needed but it must have been something like nappies because I wouldn't have bothered for anything non essential. I could have fallen over and hit my head but equally that could have happened at any time. I was a single parent to DS1 for 2 years - no dad around, and I dont have any family so it really was just me. And I could have had an accident at any time in my home- fallen down the stairs (I did twice but luckily no injuries) or tripped going into the garden. It's all about assessing risk. And I certainly couldn't have got DS up and out in 5 mins.
As to the car, I have seen posts on here in the past where parents leave kids alseep in cars on their drive (intentionally) for up to an hour. I wouldn't have done that personally but a lot of people consider it acceptable and what we did wasn't really different. It's like the kids at petrol stations one. For many parents thats a calculated risk.

OnlineAlienator · 16/03/2019 01:17

Grew up in the 90s - would never have been left like that. Wouldnt dream of it with mine.

Jackshouse · 16/03/2019 01:39

I’m in my 30s and no my parents never did this me or my sister who is a decade older. Late nights, enforced long nap time and buggies for the little ones.

LucyBabs · 16/03/2019 01:55

We unfortunately didn't go in holiday as a family when I was a child so never experienced "being left alone"
However once I was about 6 I was regularly left alone with my older brother who then abused me. My dc are 10 and 7 it wouldn't even enter my mind to leave them in a hotel room while I went for dinner 10 minutes away (this is what the op said) can you imagine what could happen in ten minutes?? Abduction wouldn't be my fear as its so rare but this is children we are talking about! Would a 5 or 7 year old know what to do if a fire broke out? Would a 7 year old know what to do if their 5 year old sibling had an accident? I am not an over protective parent.. my dc get up at the weekend while I stay in bed. Make their own breakfast and entertain themselves until 10am! I couldn't relax or enjoy myself if my dc were alone in an unknown place 10 minutes away

RosemaryHoight · 16/03/2019 02:14

My eldest child was born in the 90s. I never would have left her like that. I don't know anybody who thinks it was acceptable. MM was the oldest too. It's unspeakably sad and I feel really sorry for the whole family.

AhoyDelBoy · 16/03/2019 02:15

@Haarrieett
I can’t be bothered reading 300+ replies. Disgusting behaviour IMO. I really have no idea how a parent justifies this decision. No doubt this very decision haunts the McCanns every single day. Their poor daughter paid the price for their ultimate in selfish behaviour Angry I suppose parents like yourself can think ‘oh well we’re lucky it didn’t happy to us’ Angry

AhoyDelBoy · 16/03/2019 02:16

happen

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/03/2019 03:40

If the McCanns had been on benefits, the narrative would have been very different.

I couldnt agree more. But because they're nicely middle class it must be ok..... Hmm

GirlRaisedInTheSouth · 16/03/2019 04:11

Kids are left outside without adult supervision, what’s the difference? There have been a few cases of children snatched off the streets and murdered, but their parents only get sympathy and are not blamed.

FWIW, my parents left us and went out for dinner. It was very common amongst middle-class bohemian families when I was growing up.

CheshireChat · 16/03/2019 04:56

Whilst I disagree with what they did (which is all too easy in hindsight), I really disagree they should have their other children taken into care. What the hell would be the purpose of that?!

cedartree12 · 16/03/2019 05:20

Reading this thread with interest. I was born in the late 80s. My parents would leave me and my sibling (from aged 6 and 3) in a hotel room abroad (always the same hotel) whilst they went for dinner. We were in bed but not asleep when they left so there wasn't the risk that we would wake up and not know where they were. We were always in a ground floor room, 2 minutes from the restaurant. I'm not sure if the door was locked...probably not in case of fire. I (the 6 year old) knew to dial '0' for reception if I needed my parents. It wouldn't have occurred to us to get up to no good....we just went to sleep. They also used to tip the night watchman who patrolled the area to keep an ear out. I don't think they would have done it post MM.

Onceuponacheesecake · 16/03/2019 05:25

I'm sure it was more common but it's never been ok. I agree being up late is part of a holiday for a kid. My mam and dad always took me out with them, I played with the other kids and eventually feel asleep in my pushchair as a young child.

DarkDarkNight · 16/03/2019 05:35

No, we were never left on holidays when we were growing up, this was in the 80s/90s. My parents were back in the apartment once it was our bedtime. I know other people who as Children stayed out late with their parents on holiday. It really wasn’t normal to leave your kids and have a long, leisurely boozy dinner every night.

I can remember all of my colleagues at the time and we were all shocked that anybody could do that. That group as a whole were negligent and selfish. They had Children with them, you have a different kind of holiday once you are a parent. The idea of them playing musical chairs and there constantly being somebody leaving the table and doing the rounds checking on the Children is ludicrous.

notsodimwit · 16/03/2019 05:44

No children should ever be left alone!Angry google 'Leoni Keating' as things can happen in the UK also when you leave children unattended whilst on holiday Sad

RichPetunia · 16/03/2019 05:45

No-one I know would leave their children alone and go off for a drink or meal. Totally agree with the previous poster who said that if the McCanns had been working class the narrative would have been different. Thought this at the time and still do.

edgeofheaven · 16/03/2019 05:59

I’m in my 30s and we were never left alone. We mostly went to resorts that had childcare (eg Club Med) or my parents hired a babysitter.

Headinabook85 · 16/03/2019 06:20

I was born in 85. My parents used to leave us with a listening service on hols regularly....Tbh I now wonder if they used to go out when we were asleep too.

I was always very anxious about being left even up to the age of ten. Frightened of a fire and being stuck in a hotel room, frightened of my parents not being there. I'm not surprised tbf.

I would never leave my children.....even before the MM case. Too distressing and potential for accidents.

user1497787065 · 16/03/2019 06:20

Having holidayed in the resort that Madeleine disappeared
From both before and since her disappearance I still can't believe it happened. I would always have considered it to be safe. It's a quiet and sleepy seaside town. In answer to the question I have left my children in a hotel room asleep with the door open whilst we have been a very short distance away and in view of the room door. Probably no different to the children being in bed in the house whilst we have a drink sitting in the garden.