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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit ambivalent about the Pads4Dads campaign..

186 replies

BertrandRussell · 15/03/2019 08:51

[https://www.heygirls.co.uk/pads-for-dads/ here]

On the one hand, obviously it’s great for fathers to be more involved and understanding, and obviously some girls don’t have a mum or an aunt or anyone. But I can’t help thinking that it’s all a bit cosmetic-a bit “hey look what a cool dad I am buying tampax” Ticking the “good dad” box. And what’s wrong with some things being women only anyway?

OP posts:
Original poster
BertrandRussell · 15/03/2019 12:37

I’ve been thinking about this all morning!

I think at a surface, practical level, of course it’s a good idea for fathers to be well informed about and prepared for their daughters’ periods.
I have problems with this particular campaign. I really don’t like the language. And I really don’t like the idea of the “good dad tick box” It’s obvious from rl and on here that many men do opt out of much of the mundane day to day parenting (as I said, I know very few men who nit comb!) and I think there is a real danger of this being a-for want of a better word-glamorous issue that they can get a virtual badge for.

OP posts:
Original poster
BertrandRussell · 15/03/2019 12:38

“The rest of my post explained what I think they need to learn. In primary my son learnt that a woman has a period each month when she's not pregnant. Nothing else.”

I think that must have either been a while ago or the school didn’t follow guidelines? Hang on- I’ll check the curriculum.

OP posts:
ooItsAoBeautifulDayNow · 15/03/2019 12:38

I think it's a partly generational issue and would hope that it's improved in the last 10 years or so meaning dads with girls reliant on parents to provide sanpro are hopefully more likely than ever to not give a second thought to picking it up up for the girls and women in their lives.

I'm 32 and exes / current boyfriend have never batted an eyelid at picking up tampons for me if needed. Have had a few calls from the shop asking what size to get as they didn't realise there are different ones!

There was a girl at my school who had lost her mother in primary school and lived with her dad. He was to embarrassed to get her sanpro and she didn't have cash / felt unable to get them herself.

She used to use loo paper from the school toilets and often leaked I felt so so so terrible for her. I wish that I'd asked my mum to get some for her but I hadn't started my period and somehow didn't think to do so. I regret it loads :(

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 15/03/2019 12:39

so, given that there are far more single mums to sons than single dads to girls it's interesting that it's a campaign aimed at dads that gets the go-ahead. And of course the benefit is to girls but what a shame they're lumbered with dads incapable of being proactive - and again, I object to the implication that I should be grateful for it because girls will benefit (there's a phrase for what I mean here but I simply can't think of it - not emotional blackmail but something like that).

Like I said, I see the need for the campaign but I'm not going to celebrate it because that is a celebration of setting the bar so low in the first place.

SleepingSloth · 15/03/2019 12:40

I think that must have either been a while ago or the school didn’t follow guidelines? Hang on- I’ll check the curriculum.

This was about 4 years ago. I hope the curriculum has improved.

Funkaccino · 15/03/2019 12:41

Women who have never done a specific sport in their lives will learn about the sport for their sons, drive them to games, wash their kit . They don't get youtube videos.

A man plaiting his daughter's hair will get millions.

This is a chance for men to look lovely because they aren't ashamed of their daughters for being female humans.

ooItsAoBeautifulDayNow · 15/03/2019 12:43

Also on the other side of the coin, myself and friends for some reason felt totally unable to buy condoms from shops until our mid twenties!! It was automatically expected that guys would do so.

Most of us went to catholic primary schools so I wonder if this was to do with worrying we'd look like "bad" girls - shudder that we felt this shame even at uni age and even with long term boyfriends.

As I say this has changed for us but I wonder if girls teens - twenties today still feel this way. I hope not!

GregoryPeckingDuck · 15/03/2019 12:43

It’s pathetic when grown don’t men don’t understand periods/are frightened of them. And it makes life difficult for women. Not justdaughters ofhaplessdads but wives, girlfriends, friends, sisters, employees, colleagues, students. They may all be effected by men who are too ignorant to do the decent thing where periods and the problems they cause some women are concerned.

Weetabixandshreddies · 15/03/2019 12:47

Women who have never done a specific sport in their lives will learn about the sport for their sons, drive them to games, wash their kit . They don't get youtube videos.

What? Driving is driving, washing is washing. Do you need a youtube video to explain how to drive to a foitball match rather than to the shops?

I've watched loads of youtube to learn how to do french plaits and fishtails - and shock horror I'm a woman who needed it because I didnt know.

There are also videos to show you how to do lots of DIY and car maintenance. Ridiculous that women need those when they could just find out the information for themselves.

Good to see stereotypes alive and well on here.

SleepingSloth · 15/03/2019 12:51

It’s pathetic when grown don’t men don’t understand periods/are frightened of them. And it makes life difficult for women.

It does seem pathetic. But then like I've said on this thread earlier, women have been told to be secretive about periods in the past by their mums and schools!have given more information to girls. Men then seen it as not their business. They laugh about it at school because laughing is what you do when you are ignorant to something. I don't think we can totally blame men for this, it's just how it was. It becomes something to be embarrassed about and we end up with men who can't buy a pack on tampons for their wife or daughter.

SoupDragon · 15/03/2019 12:51

I don't notice any campaigns of this kind to educate them about boys' needs - is that perhaps because women will educate themselves and not expect everything on a silver platter with a side dish of backpatting for, you know, being a parent?

No, it's because specific boy needs are nowhere near as big as periods are for girls. I think the only "boy" thing I had to deal with is shaving and I've shaved my own legs before so am not a complete novice. I can't actually think of anything else I've had to deal with. OTOH, I have had to explain to my daughter how to deal with periods and how to put a tampon in, how oftento change a pad,not to worry of their ar leaks, to have an "emergency kit" in her bag at all times... all things I've learnt through having done it myself. I wouldn't expect a man to know how to deal with all the ins and outs of dealing with periods .

SofaSurfer20 · 15/03/2019 12:55

Tis money making scheme.

Ticking good dad box whilst earning money for themselves.

SofaSurfer20 · 15/03/2019 12:55

The company i mean, not the dads 🤦‍♀️

Weetabixandshreddies · 15/03/2019 12:56

SoupDragon

Who explained to your son about puberty then, if the only issue that you dealt with is shaving?

Who has explained about testicular cancer and how to examine himself? Testicular cancer affects young men and they should examine themselves.

Shaving a beard is also very different to shaving legs.

glitterdayz · 15/03/2019 12:57

And do all you pp of boys know about wet dreams and the changes to the penis. The embarrassment of that and the shame.
Men have only recently been expected to get involved in this, not long ago men weren't allowed to be part of the birth of their children. And still aren't expected to stay with their partners in hospitals, because it isn't there place too.
I read on here mums complaining about ex's getting involved in their own dc periods because it's for the mother not him.

I don't think it's a huge deal and haven't experience men not helping, my dad back 20 years had to run round a holiday village in the hills asking for pads and painkillers for me, no local shops, but to Bitch about an ad that can help just display how moaning and bitter women can be.

BillywigSting · 15/03/2019 12:57

I think it's a brilliant idea.

My dad was /is very clued up on it, despite being pretty socially inept otherwise. My parents divorced when I was 11, the same year I started my periods and started living in two houses.

My horrendous teenage periods probably would have been even more unbearable if he hadn't stepped up and got me what I needed ie, boxes and boxes of pads, painkillers and a constant stream of hot water bottles and cool water to drink.

My best friend was in a very similar position but not nearly as lucky and suffered quite a lot as a result, refusing to go to her dad's when she was on eventually because she couldn't deal with it alone so young

Weetabixandshreddies · 15/03/2019 12:57

I wouldn't expect a man to know how to deal with all the ins and outs of dealing with periods .

How do girls with only dads manage then?

lyralalala · 15/03/2019 13:02

This was about 4 years ago. I hope the curriculum has improved

My DS is 9. I don’t think it’s the curriculum that’s specifically the issue. It’s that the teachers don’t actually have the time to do everything (& also in some cases the teacher is embarrassed teaching it which doesn’t help)

Funkaccino · 15/03/2019 13:03

What? Driving is driving, washing is washing. Do you need a youtube video to explain how to drive to a foitball match rather than to the shops?

Hmm

The men doing the plaits aren't teaching other men how to plait. They are literally being featured in the news because they have learned to plait their child's hair. My point, if you can be bothered to read, is that women who have never played football but still manage to learn about football, practice with their child, play with them AND raise the child and take him to football practice etc don't have video made of them.

Lower standards for men.

SoupDragon · 15/03/2019 13:13

How do girls with only dads manage then?

By the dad doing his best. However, he will never know what it is actually like to deal with a period. That is a simple biological fact. He can learn stuff but it won't be something he's learnt through years and years of experience. Obviously.

SoupDragon · 15/03/2019 13:15

Who explained to your son about puberty then

Many many lessons at school covered it far better than I ever could. I remember DS2 coming home telling me all about how they'd put condoms on dildos using lube. Amongst other things. Their education was very thorough.

Weetabixandshreddies · 15/03/2019 13:21

Many many lessons at school covered it far better than I ever could.

And there in lies the problem - relying on schools to educate children. The information is out there - why have you not sought it out in order to educate your son?

Sex education is not the responsibility of schools. They have to do it because so many parents don't but then you get situations where boys grow up only knowing the bare minimum about periods because that's all they were taught at school.

How do you know what they were taught?

PregnantSea · 15/03/2019 13:28

Why shouldn't a dad help his young daughter with this sort of thing? That's very sexist. Imagine how hard it is for a single dad trying to help his young daughter navigate her periods, and then on top of that there's people like you judging him for it.

BarbarianMum · 15/03/2019 13:31

My ds2 is 11, last year of primary. He has learnt v little about periods at school. Maybe they have a big block of info waiting to be imparted in the summer term. But I doubt it.

sagradafamiliar · 15/03/2019 13:50

My dad told me all about periods, in fact he's explained the biology behind it to my mother. He was better at that stuff.
I'd had no idea that men needed to be rounded up and educated about the subject. Seems a bit infantilising just like many 'aren't men useless, even they might manage this haha!' cleaning adverts/gadgets geared towards fathers are. Not a helpful mindset for anyone in my opinion.