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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be a bit ambivalent about the Pads4Dads campaign..

186 replies

BertrandRussell · 15/03/2019 08:51

[https://www.heygirls.co.uk/pads-for-dads/ here]

On the one hand, obviously it’s great for fathers to be more involved and understanding, and obviously some girls don’t have a mum or an aunt or anyone. But I can’t help thinking that it’s all a bit cosmetic-a bit “hey look what a cool dad I am buying tampax” Ticking the “good dad” box. And what’s wrong with some things being women only anyway?

OP posts:
thecatsthecats · 15/03/2019 09:42

Either that was only the schools I attended, and 60% of them weren’t listening, or they still don’t teach most boys about periods in schools which definitely needs addressing asap.

I am 30, and in my school, they separated us out, and girls and boys were taught about their personal changes differently (and samples of different products given to each group). Only sex ed about actual sex was done jointly. I got a frosty response from the leader for saying that if someone didn't want to have sex then they could abstain.

DH is also 30. He went to a boys school. They only covered periods in an abstract fashion (e.g. menstruation cycle) - there was literally no mention of period pains, or the products needed to care for it.

Margot33 · 15/03/2019 09:45

I think it's a great idea. Some children don't have a mum. Why not empower dads to be able to guide their daughters through an important time of their life.

TheFallenMadonna · 15/03/2019 09:45

I sort of agree with BertrandRussell, in that I think it is probably easier to get buy in from uninvolved fathers for parenting activities which are part of a "taboo busting" discourse than for those which are just work. Like nitcombing and Christmas elfing.

It's not a criticism of the campaign. It's just a thing.

Weetabixandshreddies · 15/03/2019 09:46

it’s patronising that they have to have their own ‘special campaign’ to get information that’s already out there. I find it another example of babying and spoon feeding information to blokes that women had to figure out themselves without getting a pat on the head for being so ‘aware’.

So the sessions at school, where girls are taught about periods is an example of babying and spoon feeding them is it?

Or the latest campaign about cervical screening? Babying and spoon feeding women?

Information about these issues is already out there so why can't women just find it out for themselves?

People moan that men don't know about periods, or make it difficult for women at work because they don't appreciate the practical issues and then others argue that some things should be "women only".

Too bad for girls who live with their dads I guess?

rosesandcashmere · 15/03/2019 09:46

I started my period after my mum died when I was young. My dad didn't give two shits about going to buy me sanitary stuff, because he was a grown up. Same with OH now. Not sure why it's needed but I guess better to have it than not.

Rixera · 15/03/2019 09:47

Perhaps sometime it won't be necessary, then, but right now it is. Maybe all these lovely men in this thread are part of something game-changing.

But neither my mum or dad would talk about periods. My ex was alright about it, but OH gets very awkward & embarrassed. I want my DD to be comfortable about it in her dad's house. I want, much further down the line, her to be able to ask her stepdad if I'm out and she needs pads.

We shouldn't still need this campaign and maybe next generation we won't, but right now we do.

Hoppinggreen · 15/03/2019 09:49

I mentioned it to DH and he was amazed something like this would be necessary. He’s never had an issue buying sanitary products or anything else for me and I’m sure he would for DD.
He did grow up as the only boy in an extended family though, so periods hold no mystery for him

Insecure123 · 15/03/2019 09:50

Reading this has actually just made me think back to learning about periods in school - I am early 30's and I disctinctly remember it being girls only. We were in the libraray - I can't remember if we were told "girls only to go to the library" or the whole class was there and the boys got sent out. But it was definitely girls only - now whether or not the boys got a "watered down" version in another room while were shown how much liquid tampons can absorb by putting them in a jar of water I don't know but it was definitel just girls in the room.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/03/2019 09:52

Let’s get the bloody conversation flowing
I think this campaign in the main is great. This phrase above is too much. I don’t like the insinuation having a chat about them is in some way comparable to going through periods. Also don’t like the language around trans... magical thinking.

SausageMashandOnionGravy · 15/03/2019 09:53

I don’t really see the point/issue, my husband goes and buys me tampons and he knows what periods are, I mean what else does he need?

This might have been a thing for my grandad’s generation (he’d be over 100 if he was still alive) where you really couldn’t discuss things like this but today when everyone is very open about this kind of thing anyway I don’t see what it adds?

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 15/03/2019 09:53

I don't have a problem with girls and boys being taught these things separately, but boys certainly do need to know and understand about periods. If for no other reason that they don't grow up into wanker employers who have issues with female staff taking time of for excruciating and heavy periods, thus proving the point that even in 2019 working women are shoehorned into an environment designed by and for men, with a few tweaks.

Meandmetoo · 15/03/2019 09:53

It's rare for me, but im really split down the middle on this one!

On one hand I think it's got to be a good thing as imo some blokes are utterly useless when it comes to this and probably wouldnt want to Google "periods young girls" (or possibly like my dp who pointblank refuses to use the internet for anything), and it might be reassuring for young girls to know this campaign exists. But on the other hand I can imagine some men strutting into a shop and thinking they are the dogs bollocks for buying tampons and being all "look at me checkout ladies, buying Tampax for my daughter"

Even now I'm switching between great and eye roll. Ooooh this feels weird!

JacquesHammer · 15/03/2019 09:54

The thing is, if the men in your life don’t need this campaign, then great.

If some men do, and it makes a positive difference to them as fathers and partners, where’s the negative?

Weetabixandshreddies · 15/03/2019 09:55

I'm assuming everyone criticizing also knows exactly how the male body works? How it works, what can go wrong, symptoms etc? Mums talk to sons about testicular self examination and how to do it and what to look for?

If not, why not? The info is out there and it's something that boys need to be aware of.

JellyBaby666 · 15/03/2019 09:55

I think this is BRILLIANT. I am very lucky I had my mum and my auntie nearby to go to about periods and puberty, but I was still mortified and unsure, I can't imagine how confusing it would be to be raised by your Dad without a strong female presence (100 children a day are bereaved by a sibling or parent, a huge group of people who may lose a female role model they would love to talk things through with) and your Dad not to be clued up on something as common as periods! Anything that informs, reduces stigma, and helps ensure the young girls who need some parental guidance to support them gets it is a winner in my book!

PrawnOfCreation · 15/03/2019 09:56

Pfft. Pat on the back to the men who don't neglect their daughters hygiene needs. I can see why we need a campaign, but it's a low bar to brag about isn't it.

WorraLiberty · 15/03/2019 09:59

The campaign is about so much more than just popping to the shop for a pack of pads/tampons.

RockyFlintstone · 15/03/2019 10:01

But on the other hand I can imagine some men strutting into a shop and thinking they are the dogs bollocks for buying tampons and being all "look at me checkout ladies, buying Tampax for my daughter"

Lol, yeah it's the type of thing a certain ilk of man would put all over social media.

I think overall this a good. Its a bit patronising and I do think blokes could probably just get off their arse and do this anyway, but it's a positive step I think.

My DH is fine to buy tampax but he gets 'overwhelmed' at the choice and is always worried he will get the wrong one so I have to send him a photo of the specific one I want and emphasise many times that they must be UNSCENTED!!!

SleepingSloth · 15/03/2019 10:02

So the sessions at school, where girls are taught about periods is an example of babying and spoon feeding them is it?

Exactly Weetabixandshreddies. There is information on absolutely everything nowadays on the Internet but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't teach people about things and expect people to find everything out for themselves. Campaigns do work for increasing awareness of things that many people are already aware of.

I'm sure I'll get flamed for this but I think some women don't want men to move forward so that they can keep saying that women get such a bad deal in life. My mum would try to stop my OH doing a weekly food shop as it was apparently not a mans job.🙄 Then she would go on about how useless men were. There's some really useless men who will probably always be useless but there are many good men and many men that want to be better about things like this.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 15/03/2019 10:04

My dad is in his late sixties and has no embarrassment buying sanpro , when I lived at home he did the weekly grocery shop and would just ask me which kind I wanted (different to my mum) , DH and DB are the same. If in doubt they'd probably just buy regular and buy towels and tampons just in case. I funny know that there s need for this, maybe twenty or thirty years ago more men found it embarrassing but not now. There will be some girls being raised by single dads so it's helpful for them but that's a relatively small demographic.

NewGrandad · 15/03/2019 10:05

@RockyFlintstone

My DH is fine to buy tampax but he gets 'overwhelmed' at the choice and is always worried he will get the wrong one

That is me! Why do you women have to be so complicated? Grin

Original poster
BertrandRussell · 15/03/2019 10:05

“I'm sure I'll get flamed for this but I think some women don't want men to move forward so that they can keep saying that women get such a bad deal in life.”
Don’t know about anyone else-but that’s certainly not my thinking.

OP posts:
Insecure123 · 15/03/2019 10:07

But on the other hand I can imagine some men strutting into a shop and thinking they are the dogs bollocks for buying tampons and being all "look at me checkout ladies, buying Tampax for my daughter"

Loling at this

Hugtheduggee · 15/03/2019 10:08

It shouldn't be necessary - much better that boys and girls learn from a young age, and it is totally normalised, but given some men's lack of knowledge, it is a good and necessary campaign.

My husband sometimes gets bamboozled with the choice of sabpro, but isn't embarrassed about it. Years ago on holiday I got caught short (had totally forgotten my period) but my husband had packed some emergency tampons whilst sorting toiletries, because he thought I was probably due on soon, so just in case.

Meandmetoo · 15/03/2019 10:08

Yea that's it rocky! Can picture them taking a selfie with the packet and hashtagging it on FB with loads of "oh such a good dad" comments.

I often see men in Tesco dithering around the sanitary towels looking confused, sometimes i discreetly ask if they want a hand and they look like they could cry with relief, one asked me once if the various sizes referred to the size of the....ahem........you know Grin Confused

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