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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is a teacher sending a personal thank letter to a child's home over stepping a boundary?

282 replies

BoobiesToTheRescue · 14/03/2019 16:39

Or normal?

I was surprised when DS got a thank you card through the post today, hand written from one of his school teachers.

Probably totally normal, I was just wondering really.

OP posts:
Rosieposy4 · 14/03/2019 19:44

Ridiculous reaction from OP and perfumeandoranges
I send cards to students occasionally, wouldn’t apologise for it and definitely would not meet the parent afterwards to hear their —complaints— concerns.
Luckily I would be fully backed up by my school and you would be firmly placed in the very unreasonable parent box.

PerfumeandOranges · 14/03/2019 19:49

@Rosieposy4

I would like it.

I'm just making the point that not all parents would and it wouldn't do any harm to check first and apologise if upset and/or offence has been caused.

Calling other parents 'nutjobs' and other offensive terms is really not on. They may have very good reason for not wanting boundaries blurred.

TOADally · 14/03/2019 19:53

Did the letter start 'Dear idiot'?

MajesticWhine · 14/03/2019 19:56

We have received thanks from teachers for Christmas gifts. Sometimes a handwritten card, sometimes an email. It is much appreciated that they appreciated their gift Smile

Chickoletta · 14/03/2019 19:59

FFS.

KathleenW · 14/03/2019 20:03

My children have both received letters through the post from their teachers and it was a wonderful surprise for them to recieive them. Some people are so tedious, always looking for something to complain about.

Paddington68 · 14/03/2019 20:04

Dear Kevin,

Thanks for the wine gums, they deadened the pain of Year 7 cookery.
We got some food in the oven rather than my head.
Cheers

Littleraindrop15 · 14/03/2019 20:05

Think everyone who gets offended by a thank you card needs to home school their children and keep them and themselves away from the general public.

TheClitterati · 14/03/2019 20:09

My dc have both received letters/cards from teachers - sent in post to our home. I think it was sweet and they loved getting actual mail.

tinytemper66 · 14/03/2019 20:10

😂😂😂

Piglet208 · 14/03/2019 20:11

Only on Mumsnet is a kind thank you card "invading people's homes" and something that we should seek permission for.

daisypond · 14/03/2019 20:14

Letters/postcards sent home praising good work or conduct seem normal to me - at both secondary and primary school. We also got phone calls for the same reason. It's a nice thing to do.

Ilovewillow · 14/03/2019 20:15

Our infant school headteacher always send a thank you note for Xmas gifts - my 5 yr old son was thrilled. She has done it for years! It's lovely to know they are grateful and models good manners!

Gaunyersel · 14/03/2019 20:23

Teacher here. Not for much longer I fear, given that this is the kind of nonsense we have to deal with. I wouldn't be apologising to you OP and neither would my headteacher.

I live very close to my school. Over the summer holidays last year I had a note through my door from one of my pupils saying they'd left a present for me in my shed. They knew I loved flowers but also knew I was fleeing the country as soon as school broke up so waited until I was back to give me my pressie.

Who should I complain to? Wee bugger invaded my shed to give me a gorgeous gift and made my cry!!

SoupDragon · 14/03/2019 20:24

Also, perhaps in the age of GDPR, this is crossing a boundary due to the misuse of a persons personal date.

How is sending a communication from school misuse of personal data?

indyandlara · 14/03/2019 20:32

Sometimes posts like this really want to make me give up. I send home thank you notes after Xmas for gifts. I also send home thank you notes for gifts given at the end of term. I always send thank you cards to parents who have given up a day to help in school or on a trip. I know how exhausting they can are and I appreciate that people are willing to give up their time to help out. Sometimes I post them, sometimes I hand deliver them. I cannot believe people really think that they are over stepping the mark or inappropriate.

DialANumber · 14/03/2019 20:35

My DC have received personal handwritten cards from teachers in the past over the summer holidays to thank them for end of term gifts. I've always felt it shows the teacher in a v good light and has meant the dc understand why it's important to write thank yous themselves - so that other people can feel how they did receiving that through the post. At their newest school the headteacher made a point of writing a thank you for her Christmas present - again, good role modelling and shows real care about my dc. I cannot imagine not seeing the good in this!

LJdorothy · 14/03/2019 20:36

How do we ask permission of parents without somehow invading their letter box or their phone or God forbid, their children's schoolbags?

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 14/03/2019 20:37

Slightly different as I teach in FE, but I frequently bring in bags of Percy Pigs for my classes when they’ve completed a project, or a difficult assessment. I also send out emails to classes saying they’ve done well, and that I am proud of them. By the same token, I always bring in a thank you card and get them all to sign it if we have had a guest speaker.

Just the other week I had a message from a student I taught a few years back who is now in a fantastic job after graduating, saying she had been thinking of something I had taught which she’s now using while studying for a professional qualification, and asking if she could buy me lunch. Definitely worth a few Percy Pigs!

listsandbudgets · 14/03/2019 20:39

DD has had some lovely hand written notes and postcards from teachers arrive in the post before now. Her most recent was from her chemistry teacher congratulating her on some extension work she did.

When she was off sick in year 5 and admitted to hospital, her headteacher unexpectedly turned up at visiting time with a card and small gift along with notes from lots of the children in her class, then sat and chatted with her for half an hour. Never forgotten that kindness and never even contemplated that she might be over stepping the mark..

greenpop21 · 14/03/2019 20:41

Invading the home through the letter box!

What the effing hell is going on with some people? Get a grip!

listsandbudgets · 14/03/2019 20:41

And for those teachers who feel understandably as if they may as well not bother when they read the OP... please dont' stop. It means a lot to our DCs, thank you

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 14/03/2019 20:42

I’m amazed the teacher has time to write a handwritten card.
It is nice to get post though!

PlasticPatty · 14/03/2019 20:45

Love to any teachers sending home 'thank you' cards. Young people need encouragement and the fact that you are making time to thank them, when you have so much to do, is amazing. Well done.

Not overstepping boundaries at all.

youarenotkiddingme · 14/03/2019 20:47

Snuggle bums 😂😂😂

Not odd at all. Pretty impressed a teacher finds the time for manners Inbetween dealing with pupils and parents who have none!

My ds secondary (as do many of the local ones) have special postcards they send home. Usually related to meeting one of their values.
I also get emails from teachers thanking me for raising ds well because he's a creep he didn't something nice.

I sent one of ds teachers a hand written card and letter when he left school (loved that bloke!) and also his junior school senco and Elsa when he left.

Also baked a load of brownies for ds drama group and teachers when they did show one week. Got a hand written Thankyou card from all staff for that one (everyone loves my brownies for some reason as I'm no chef!)

I love the fact in this instant and digital world people haven't completely forgotten how much the time to write a few written words on a carefully chosen card actually means to people.