Is a teacher sending a personal thank letter to a child's home over stepping a boundary?

[BoobiesToTheRescue]

Or normal?

I was surprised when DS got a thank you card through the post today, hand written from one of his school teachers.

Probably totally normal, I was just wondering really.

[PerfumeandOranges]

@SachaStark

It surely isn't a cause for puzzlement for a parent to ask to speak to a teacher about something that they feel uneasy about.

I don't mean for the OP to in, guns ablazing, but to ask for a quiet word and, if an apology is needed, for the OP to accept it and move on without making an undue fuss.

The school may have crossed a boundary but as we don't know the context of the letter, it's hard to judge.

[DeathyMcDeathStarFace]

Our secondary sends out postcards for many things, including to children who aren't even pupils there yet as they send messages welcoming new pupils before they start and saying they are looking forward to meeting/teaching them.

Our boys have had various postcards for a variety of things, some printed and some hand written. Some are to invite them to extra curricular events (hopefully connected with school things and not personal!), some to congratulate on achievements, some thank yous, some other things.

Ds2 had a personally written postcard from a teacher once thanking him for being such a good pupil and for helping her in some lessons. When we saw her later at a school event she even saw us personally and mentioned it to us as he'd been such an encouragement to her. Turned out one of her classes ds was in were not the best class at the time and ds had made things easier by behaving, helping and just doing his work. Encouraged her through the rough patch until she got a handle on the class. She hand wrote a note as it meant so much to her.

Last week another teacher told us ds1 had made her a lovely cake topper for her dds birthday and she hadn't forgotten she'd promised him a bar of chocolate as a thank you. Turned out ds had used the laser cutter to make something for her dd (when calibrating/testing the machine he'd cut out something for her rather than a sample cut that goes to waste - he's sixth form and gets to help maintain these things) and she bought him some chocolate. He came in the beginning of this week with a big box of chocolates, not a £1 bar of Galaxy! We didn't think 'That's a bit much, she's overstepping her boundaries' but did think 'Wow, that's generous/kind of her, where's my chocolate ds?'

Unless something is abusive I think it is best to look at the good side of it, rather than look for a downside.

[spanieleyes]

Well, we know it was a Thank You card-not sure why anyone would feel uneasy about that!

[CloserIAm2Fine]

I’m sure if there was anything actually concerning in the content then OP would’ve included that in their OP or drip fed it when people started telling them to get a grip. Therefore I think it’s safe to assume the content was entirely innocuous.

[MitziK]

@PerfumeandOrganges

You want to waste everybody's time in a meeting and then demanding an apology for recognising a kid actually achieving something because it's tantamount to grooming/with an aim of sexual abuse?

Brilliant idea. Instantly eliminates one kid from ever being considered for any award, special trip, certificate, prize or recognition, no matter how well they do. 'X kid has done brilliantly, easily the best behaved and nicest child. Oh, but we can't say anything, because Mum thinks only child sex abusers reward good behaviour'.

[AudTheDeepMinded]

Unless it has 'SWALK' on the back I'd think it was a lovely gesture modelling manners and polite behaviour

[Piglet208]

Posters want a teacher to apologise for sending a thank you card. Unless there is a drip feed of other suspicious behaviour then this is ridiculous. As for breach of data. Teacher writes a card and hands to office to add address. Where is the breach?

[brizzlemint]

At the end of each year I buy a set of bookmarks and write a personal message on each one, maybe I shouldn't do that any more.

[greenpop21]

Normal if school related. My DC's reception teacher always sent thank you cards home for end of term gifts as otherwise she would forget. I thought it was lovely.

[PerfumeandOranges]

I don't think I said, 'demand' an apology nor take up oceans of time.

I simply meant a quick chat, lay out fears and-if the teacher has overstepped the boundaries or didn't first check that parents and child were comfortable with card sending, then apologise and everyone moves on.

We don't know the context-it might all be a storm in a teacup- but I do think that teachers should check with parents before invading the home through the letterbox.

Most parents would be happy for thank you cards but some might not and the problem is avoided if parents are asked to give permission at the beginning of term. It's just a matter of courtesy towards the parent.

[greenpop21]

Imagine the office sending cards out for every class, I doubt they'd be happy!

[Kidssendingmenuts]

Of course it isn't! Give it to your child and they will be over the moon! It's encouragement not creepy ffs! My niece got one of her teacher to say well done with your ones table you've done great and it really spurred her on to do even better.

[Blissx]

Frightened to even breathe these days as a teacher

[GoGoGadgetGin]

teachers should check with parents before invading the home through the letterbox ?? How was it delivered? Battering ram? 'invading' ppffftt!!

[Yougotdis]

Unless it said thank you for making her squirt like a fountain you are possibly overthinking this.

[ToeToToe]

Normal at my children's schools.

If my DD gets a gift for her teachers at Christmas, or end of year, they send a thank you to our home.

We also get postcards from DS's secondary school if he's doing well/done something well.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

Ffs is there anything people won’t guckih whinge about
And no it’s not a data breach or a safeguarding issue which surely win the prize as the most over used and misunderstood phrases on mumsnet

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

Fucking
Yes
Fucking
Stupid phone

[DirtyNumbAngel]

To all the Teachers reading this;

Please dont stop sending the postcards and notes etc. my two boys love getting them through the post. (one primary, one high school). Dont give up because people like OP have their insecurities. youre pupils and their parents really appreciate these gestures!

[CaptainBrickbeard]

It’s normal practice in a lot of schools. Of all the ridiculous complaints I have heard that parents have made over my years in this thankless fucking job, I never even considered a parent taking exception to this. The very idea of making the teacher apologise - some of you people deserve the massive crisis heading the way of education - just wait until between you and the government, every single experienced teacher is driven out of the profession entirely.

[beebreath]

- but I do think that teachers should check with parents before invading the home through the letterbox.

Really ???

I've bloody heard it all now on MN.

[Omzlas]

I think it's nice OP. Shows genuine thought. But agree with PP, more context is needed

[Punxsutawney]

Sounds like some really caring and thoughtful teachers out there. My Ds is 14 and undergoing assessment for ASD. He has low self esteem, is a quiet mouse at school and goes unnoticed in many classes. His school don't do things like postcards or phonecalls home. I wish they did, it would make such a difference to him to know that his teachers noticed the efforts that he made.

[Spotsandstars]

Nut job

[Flowersintheatticconversion]

Maybe log it with 101 and see what they say?
I think you’ve just joined the ranks of the professionally offended