Is a teacher sending a personal thank letter to a child's home over stepping a boundary?

[BoobiesToTheRescue]

Or normal?

I was surprised when DS got a thank you card through the post today, hand written from one of his school teachers.

Probably totally normal, I was just wondering really.

[SachaStark]

Sorry, reviving this thread briefly, because I was reminded of it at work today, and it made me laugh to myself:

I had a (rare) undisturbed PPA today... and totally used it to invade the homes of 12 of my lovely, hard-working Year 11s who've done well on their final mock exams, by writing them each a postcard home.

Mwhahahahahaha, how evil I am, with my congratulations on their improved grades, and well wishes for the real thing coming up soon!

Fear not, any home-invaded parents, I am also leaving the profession at the end of this year, alongside thousands of other good teachers, because I have now truly had enough of it. Shame, really, the kids are the best bit of the job.

[Bignosenobum]

Vegisgrowingwell I thought your post was very balanced and do believe it is nice.

[Vegisgrowingwell]

I'm guessing we'll not hear from OP then. Such a shame to not know why they'd taken such offence with what seems like a lovely gesture!

My daughters' schools do this, I think it's lovely

[Bignosenobum]

When I was a kid 60's and 70's I do not remember anyone ever hugging a child. They canned them, threw things and slapped but not hugged.

[Kaddm]

It’s normal and my ds got one

[Bignosenobum]

My son when a teenager saw a college counsellor..The counsellor told him my son may be gay, not true and then said "I thinkyou need a hug" and just hugged him. My son froze came home and told me how uncomfortable he felt
Suffice it to say I complained and the man was suspended. My son never went back.

[Beanie3]

YourSarcasmisDripping, it is you I am thanking for your use of common sense. Something that seems to be missing a bit here.

[Beanie3]

Thank you for being you. This is what we need, common sense.

[user1457178042]

OP, whatever you do, don't read Matilda.

[Beanie3]

Great Scott! I have just read all of the posts on whether or not it's a appropriate to have physical contact with a child!
What sort of cold and unemotional offspring are you hoping to raise? Surely the ethos here should be to educate our children in what is or is not appropriate.
As a child I was told hugs make your heart grow stronger and I still believe it today.
Education, education, education and not isolation, that is the way forward.

[Beanie3]

Sleepylittlebunnies. How about donating a small trophy to be awarded for an act of kindness over and above what is expected. I did this with my dd and, I have to say, it rarely went to the high achievers. In my book the children who were awarded this trophy, (they got to keep it for a year), had learned the most important lesson of all. Treat others as you wish to be treated yourself. Kindness and good manners are very important but sadly, often overlooked in pursuit of academic achievement.

[PhryneFisher]

We have had thank you letters at home from teachers for end of year gifts - I guess they feel it’s a bit late sending it out in September.

I think it’s nice, but then I’m a qualified teacher, so understand how a gesture like that actually requires quite a lot of additional effort on the teacher’s part, so whatever your child did must have been really appreciated.

As long as there’s nothing inappropriate in the content I wouldn’t worry about it personally.

[nozbottheblue]

Bonnet- have you mentioned this at school? It does seem insensitive and it may they've not realised the effect from your son's point of view.
(As for OP... wtaf?!)

[YourSarcasmIsDripping]

Yes we are told about the side hug, avoid completely if possible,don't prolong contact etc. In theory it makes sense and keeps both staff and children safe.

In practice? When I have a kid that is spent emotionally from just coming out of a meltdown, a kid having a breakdown because they were bullied, a kid crying because daddy beat them, a kid confessing to self harm, a kid worried and confused because daddy is in prison because he beat mummy up and now they've split up and a billion other issues (some smaller some bigger) weighing heavily on their tiny shoulders, I will give them that bloody hug! Because they need it.

[Bonnetdedeuce]

My son is autistic in a main stream school, he’s doing fantastic, lovely teachers and school, regularly gets postcards home, which we are very proud to receive, but he hates the cards which have SEN on the front, he feels even the postman knows he has additional needs. He finds it really embarrassing and would much prefer just a generic card with the school emblem rather than the department on the front.

[Lndnmummy]

Teachers I’m so sorry at the lengths you have to go to to protect yourselves. I’d love for my sons to get hugs at school. to all you amazing teachers out there who every single day strive to do the best by our children.

[brizzlemint]

we should quickly scoot round so that we are ‘side on’ (so hip contact only) and offer one arm around the shoulder only.

I think this is the norm in most schools anyway? It's certainly common sense.

[Aragog]

I saw a teacher cuddling a pupil (age 9) on the playground yesterday - that's not right

After recent - this week - safeguarding training : a non contact policy in school contravenes all recommendations. Schools,
Especially at primary level, should never have a non-contact policy for staff and pupils.

[Nessy1977]

Yes, I too work in a school and we are trained that when a child falls over in the playground, don't physically help them to get up if you can possibly help it, for your own sake. Ask first if they can get up by themselves and then look around for a little friend to help them up. Try as best you can not to touch them. Awful isn't it?

[thedisorganisedmum]

I do think that teachers should check with parents before invading the home through the letterbox

I am now wondering if I should have a word with HRMC and demand that they stop invading my home, must be something against my human rights there...

[Qwertylass]

@Elf.
Something we have to get used not being appreciated. I was told on another thread that teachers and children are equal and that it is perfectly acceptable to be told to piss of by a yr 5 girl.

[EffYouSeeKaye]

I saw a teacher cuddling a pupil (age 9) on the playground yesterday - that's not right

We actually had training on this at school, for our own benefit, in case of complaints from parents or being reported.

It was decided that we should not initiate cuddles with the (aged 3-11) children but that if a child spontaneously cuddles us (happens 2-3 times a day to me) we should quickly scoot round so that we are ‘side on’ (so hip contact only) and offer one arm around the shoulder only. This is in a classroom room or playground in full view of other adults / children. I guess if we were alone in the classroom I’d have to jump away and hold an arm out to stop them.

It is absolutely fucking ridiculous, imo. Particularly when the child in question is distraught. What a sad sad state of affairs, honestly.

[LadyPenelope68]

We don't know the context-it might all be a storm in a teacup- but I do think that teachers should check with parents before invading the home through the letterbox
Invading the home?? FFS! That and the original post are two of the stupidest comments I've read recently on Mumsnet. Get a grip and get a life. It's a bloody thank you letter!!!!!!!

[Clutterbugsmum]

Qwertylass we will probably never know as OP has not returned to this thread, as most if not all answers have told her that she was in the wrong and there is nothing wrong with teachers doing this.

[Qwertylass]

Why is it the crossing the line ? I have not read the whole thread but baffles me what the problem is.