Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To wonder if DC are easier if you already have pets?

148 replies

Bobcatcornea · 14/03/2019 10:45

I read the thread on all the things that are bad about being a Mum. A lot of the things on there are my life now - lack of spontaneity with trips as we constantly have to think about the cats even down to a spontaneous night out after work, being woken up at 6 am and every other blooming day of the week, the constantness of things - scoop litter trays, feeding, playing with them etc

Having DC is bloody hard. But AIBU to think that maybe the transition might be just a tad easier if you already have pets such as cats or dogs?

OP posts:

AnyWalls · 14/03/2019 13:51

Because if you're like this with a pair of cats, you will find the responsibilities of a real life human absolutely overwhelming! Yours won't just be a PFB, it will be THE ONLY PFB that ever lived.

SofaSurfer20 · 14/03/2019 13:51

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 14/03/2019 13:57

Put it this way, if someone claimed that looking after a pot plant was a good preparation for getting cats, you'd laugh, right?

Well that's what you're doing. As someone with 2 cats and 2 dcs, I can say with certainty there is absolutely no comparison.

EcceInPictura · 14/03/2019 13:59

I get your point OP and I don't think you were saying they were absolutely comparable- PP who mentioned order of magnitude was right. So pets are level 1 on the responsibility scale and children are level 10... it is the same scale though.

We had our dog 3 years before having a baby and there is some preparation in having to think of the needs of something else over yourself, someone who relies on you for food/to make decisions regarding their care/not turn them into an antisocial wanker.

You sound like a kind pet owner and step parent btw.

Gizzymum · 14/03/2019 14:26

@Bobcatcornea

I've had dogs for over 15 years and now have a 21mth old and 7mth old children.

I'd have to say having dogs in no way prepared me for parenthood. The level of spontaneity you can have with kids is of more the 'when's the next feed/nap/nappy change due and can we fit that around an x hour car journey there and back and have we packed everything we could need for the day' combined with at least 10mins just for putting on coats/shoes/getting in the car. You almost lose who you are and are then mum/dad and your life entirely revolves around the kids in a 'can I fit a trip to the supermarket in before X needs to nap and Y needs a bottle', kind of way.

As for the dog, fancy a day trip? Poo bags and water and bowl packed? Off we go.

I do understand what you're wondering though. Perhaps it's more that people are more ready to be parents (ie lose the spontaneity and have responsibility for someone else) when they get pets rather than the pets preparing you for being a parent?

nos123 · 14/03/2019 14:40

“I’m not sure how I'm way too indulgent? They're 3 months old, it's not like they'd be okay with random strangers feeding them and not seeing us for days at a time..”

My baby is 3 months old and probably wouldn’t care if he was being fed by a random stranger 😂

IHopeYouUnderstandWeArePuppets · 14/03/2019 14:41

I get what you’re trying to say OP, but the hard bits of parenting aren’t really planning to and remembering to feed the children, or even changing nappies and toilet training. The hard bits are when they are ill all the time for some unknown reason, or they don’t settle into nursery, or get jealous of a sibling, or go through the biting phase, or struggle to make friends at school. I don’t think many people who have kids are going to find the essential keeping-them-alive bit tricky, it’s the emotional and social aspects that are tough. Well they have been for me, anyway. And most pets, particularly cats, don’t really struggle with big emotions.

KrazyKatlady · 14/03/2019 14:50

I think that obviously there is some comparison for caring for some creature that is reliant on you, but if comparing kittens/cats, the timescale is completely different. In the animal kingdom, animals are for instance walking within hours/days of being born. An animal is often independent enough to leave its mother in a matter of months- a few years. Even domestic animals do not need you actually present/helping for them to eat/drink/go to the toilet. Our cats are 3.5 years and we leave them for 36-48 hours sometimes if visiting friends. They have food, access tò litter tray and cat flap and are fine. My Ds in contrast is 8 and i wouldn't leave him for 36-48 minutes on his own!!

starabara · 14/03/2019 14:55

I actually think you might be right: as someone with DC and more than a few dogs, horses etc.

Having all the animals meant I already understood routines, I already planned ahead, I already operated on little sleep and snatched cold cups of coffee. I was used to juggling things. I think it did make it easier- when the DC are young.

Pets do not prepare you for teenagers though!

Thurmanmurman · 14/03/2019 15:02

Cats are, in my opinion, the most low maintenance pet you can have! I have 2 and in no way did it prepare me for DC.

PengAly · 14/03/2019 15:06

Cats, no they dont prepare you. Dogs, possibly but only in a commitment to someone else kind of way. Regardless pets arent the same as having kids but they do help you be more responsible and organised.

You will get a lot of rudeness on this thread because AIBU is full of cat & dog haters...

thecatsthecats · 14/03/2019 15:14

I agree about the scale.

1 - plant - just needs water and sunlight, at best mild guilt if it dies.
2 - fish
3 - small rodents, fancy fish - attached
4-8 - cats, dogs, horses etc (4 being good pet on good day, 8 being severe difficulties)
7-10 - a baby (6 being the easiest baby on a good day with lots of sleep, 10 being sick baby poor sleep)

So occasionally there will be a case where a baby is easier than a pet. But you can only say so on a day by day basis, and having a pet will definitely bump you towards the right zone in preparation.

Original poster

Bobcatcornea · 14/03/2019 15:15

Perhaps it's more that people are more ready to be parents (ie lose the spontaneity and have responsibility for someone else) when they get pets rather than the pets preparing you for being a parent?

Yes I think this is my line of thinking.

My baby is 3 months old and probably wouldn’t care if he was being fed by a random stranger

Yes fair enough but as I later clarified it's not the feeding, it would be the absolute lack of food if we spontaneously went out for the night and didn't come back alongside them having very little human contact for days if we went away.

Because if you're like this with a pair of cats, you will find the responsibilities of a real life human absolutely overwhelming! Yours won't just be a PFB, it will be THE ONLY PFB that ever lived.

I'm not sure what you think I'm being like with the kittens to make you think I'd see my child as a PFB (to the extreme)?

OP posts:

Megan2018 · 14/03/2019 15:17

I have a horse (as well as a menagerie of other pets).
A very needy horse with special dietary requirements, extortionate veterinary care, hospital stays. Not to mention the very early starts and physical pain.

Everyone I know with both horses and babies says that the baby has been easier. I'll report back in 6 months and let you know!

Original poster

Bobcatcornea · 14/03/2019 15:17

*I agree about the scale.

So occasionally there will be a case where a baby is easier than a pet. But you can only say so on a day by day basis, and having a pet will definitely bump you towards the right zone in preparation.*

Exactly ^^ so if you're already on point 4-8 that's got to be better than going from 0 surely?

You will get a lot of rudeness on this thread because AIBU is full of cat & dog haters...

Not sure why that would be the case nor why such people would post on this thread is they never have had pets or had any interest in having pets

OP posts:

kenandbarbie · 14/03/2019 15:19

Sorry op, it's nothing the same.

Leave three month old kittens shut in kitchen all night with a litter tray and some food - or even for 24 hours - nothing happens.

Leave three month old baby in kitchen all night on its own - go to prison.

Leave three month old baby in kitchen while you go for a quick wee - cries hysterically and you feel like your baby is going to be traumatized.

ThreeBagsFullofWool · 14/03/2019 15:23

I wouldn't leave a kitten alone for 24 hours. It's different when they're older.

AnyWalls · 14/03/2019 15:24

Have you seen this yet OP?

BlueSkiesLies · 14/03/2019 15:24

it's not like they'd be okay with random strangers feeding them and not seeing us for days at a time...

They would be totally fine with a live in cat sitter whilst you have a weekend away!

Tutterly · 14/03/2019 15:26

For me personally, having g a difficult boss was the best preparation. Toddler tantrums didn't compare . OT

kenandbarbie · 14/03/2019 15:27

I wouldn't leave a kitten alone for 24 hours. It's different when they're older.

No, it wouldn't be a nice thing to do, but I don't think any actual harm would come to them. Whereas a three month old baby.......

Fowles94 · 14/03/2019 15:32

We had an Akita cross and he was 10x harder then my 8 month old. Even with work on top. I think it will be harder when my next is born but so far the one is really easy.

CallMeCarolDanvers · 14/03/2019 15:33

That scale above isn't right because I've managed to keep both my children alive for a number of years now, a feat never managed with any potted plants.

thecatsthecats · 14/03/2019 15:35

Tutterly

One of the idle thoughts I've had recently is 'god, if I had some actual children 1) at least their childish behaviour would be age appropriate, 2) I wouldn't be here, and 3) at least I'd love them'!!!!

That's comparing babies to work colleagues. My cats can literally shit on the floor and I will fuss over them in a baby voice. My staff metaphorically shit on my desk, and I feel no such affection!

PengAly · 14/03/2019 15:36

Not sure why that would be the case nor why such people would post on this thread is they never have had pets or had any interest in having pets confused

This is mumsnet, dont forget! They have a weekly dog hating thread. Tbh i think most PP didnt understand your point- you never said that a pet and child are the same, you said a pet can prepare you for a child. I actually agree with you to a small extent.

Fwiw i can never keep plants and flowers alive but my dog is well and healthy!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread