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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if DC are easier if you already have pets?

148 replies

Bobcatcornea · 14/03/2019 10:45

I read the thread on all the things that are bad about being a Mum. A lot of the things on there are my life now - lack of spontaneity with trips as we constantly have to think about the cats even down to a spontaneous night out after work, being woken up at 6 am and every other blooming day of the week, the constantness of things - scoop litter trays, feeding, playing with them etc

Having DC is bloody hard. But AIBU to think that maybe the transition might be just a tad easier if you already have pets such as cats or dogs?

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 14/03/2019 12:29

I think I would ask yourself the following OP

When you got the cat was there a paid period of leave, provided for in law to care for them?

When you got them did people ask how it might affect your career?

Did you need to supervise the kitties constantly for the first eight years or so to ensure their continued survival?

Fifteenthnamechange · 14/03/2019 12:29

Nope & pets make parenting much harder

ChampooPapi · 14/03/2019 12:31

There are just so many more factors and variables in having a baby that having had a pet could not prepare you for. Post natal depression for example, financial issues, personality, expectations... the list goes on.

However I see a few friends in their 30's who have got a dog or some kittens and then got pregnant the same year so there defiantly is a preparation in the need to nurture for some.

Logistically its completely different and I do think the people who got the dogs really do regret it now that the fur babies have been replaced by a real baby, cleaning up dog crap, walking them and trying to constantly stop them from 'getting' the baby has definitely opened their eyes to the difference.

One of the partners actively now hates one of the dogs....a year ago she was her 'baby' who she loved beyond words. Lets just say she's looking to re home it now Hmm

PCohle · 14/03/2019 12:32

You should read one of the hundreds of threads on here about people who were "devoted" to their pets and then decided to rehome them within months of having a baby.

If you're this precious about your cats now imagine how hard it will be doing all of that plus caring for a baby.

Original poster
Bobcatcornea · 14/03/2019 12:38

Lets just say she's looking to re home it now
That's awful Sad

@PCohle I haven't got a problem with doing all that plus dealing with a baby. I can't comprehend those who rehome their pets just because they have a baby. You wouldn't rehome your older DC just because you have a newborn. A pet is a commitment, not something to be shunned as soon as something better comes along.

OP posts:
SwimSwim · 14/03/2019 12:40

OP I'd agree with you in that I have had a dog and a horse in the past that both required my disposable income, routine, forward planning etc. to varying degrees and I do believe that helped me with the routine and relentlessness of being a parent. I guess it depends on what aspect of parent hood you find the hardest but if you've been used to living a carefree and spontaneous life before children, that's got to be harder to deal with than if you've had the sole responsibility of a high maintenance pet/animal beforehand.

Obviously having both together would make children harder but when I had my first child, I no longer had my dog or horse (old age sadly), so I found sliding into the routine easier.

SquigglySquaw · 14/03/2019 12:42

I guess in some ways it can be a little taster of having a baby. My 2 cats are 4 now and baby is 5 months. When they were kittens, we did have to plan going out and be back within an hour etc. A dog is more of an idea because they're like having a permanent toddler. My mum spent at least a week sleeping on the sofa with each of her dogs, they used to cry all night otherwise. At least cats grow up and need you alot less but dogs you can't ever leave for longer than a few hours. Babies/children you can take with you so in some ways, they're less restrictive than a dog.

Hugtheduggee · 14/03/2019 12:43

Sometimes having a baby can be easier precisely because you get leave to look after them, lots of childcare options, and its more socially acceptable to take them places. Most hotels allow you to take children, but not a dog, for example. You can take your child into a shop, wheras you usually cant with pets. Whilst most pets can be left, not all can. I have children, and yet I'd feel hugely restricted by a dog.

TheHolySmirk · 14/03/2019 12:45

A pet is a commitment OP, but not on the same scale as a child.

Really until you have a child of your own, for whom you have absolute responsibility for the rest of their life, you won't get it.

Your step daughter isn't even your responsibility in that way (I'm assuming you haven't adopted her as you use the term SD). You could legally, and with no issue walk away from her. Refuse to have anything to do with her schooling, refuse to have anything to do with any aspect of her care, with no come back.

And a bloody cat is so far below even that level of responsibility that it's mad that you can't see it.

wishywashy6 · 14/03/2019 12:46

I've always had pets (and still do) ranging from hamsters and rabbits to dogs, cats and horses.
None of them prepared me for kids 😳

All my animals are well trained, kids not so much 😂

excitedtobehere · 14/03/2019 12:48

I have DC, my friend has cats. When my DC are annoyed with me, they throw a tantrum Usually in front of an audience . When my friend's cat is annoyed at her, her cat gives her the silent treatment. Her house is much more tidy and quieter than mine. IME YABU. It is easier having pets than DC. I don't think pets can prepare you for the reality of DC.

Original poster
Bobcatcornea · 14/03/2019 12:54

Your step daughter isn't even your responsibility in that way (I'm assuming you haven't adopted her as you use the term SD). You could legally, and with no issue walk away from her. Refuse to have anything to do with her schooling, refuse to have anything to do with any aspect of her care, with no come back.

Yes legally I could walk away. I wouldn't though because I'm not an arse and I actually care about and love her.

OP posts:
Mookatron · 14/03/2019 12:57

To be honest I would have thought having step kids prepares you for parenthood more than having kittens.

I do sort of see your point but the line 'you wouldn't rehome your 1st kid when you had a second' is often brought out on here and I find it really irritating. Animals are not humans. I say this as an animal loving vegetarian. It's just not the same.

TheHolySmirk · 14/03/2019 12:57

But you could. That's the point.

You are tied to and invested in children who are legally and emotionally yours in a totally different, and all encompassing way.

If you think you can't leave a cat for 24 hours, a child will bloody floor you.

Original poster
Bobcatcornea · 14/03/2019 13:05

If you think you can't leave a cat for 24 hours, a child will bloody floor you.

I haven't got a problem leaving a cat for 24 hours. What I do have a problem with is leaving my 3 month old kittens for 24 hours unplanned with no food. We're leaving them for two days soon but that's required a lot of planning with cat sitters etc

To be honest I would have thought having step kids prepares you for parenthood more than having kittens.
Yes definitely @Mookatron but ultimately she does have another parent so on the weekends we don't have her, before we got the kittens we could have had an unplanned night out whereas we don't habe that option now without prior planning.

I do sort of see your point but the line 'you wouldn't rehome your 1st kid when you had a second' is often brought out on here and I find it really irritating. Animals are not humans. I say this as an animal loving vegetarian. It's just not the same.

They have feelings too and can experience trauma when rehomed. I just don't think it's fair to commit to a living being then throw them out with the trash. It'd be like if I discarded my stepchild if I gave birth to my own child.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bobcatcornea · 14/03/2019 13:05

But you are right @Mookatron she definitely does prepare me a lot for the reality of a DC.

OP posts:
Mookatron · 14/03/2019 13:12

Yeah you see I really don't think rehoming your cat would be like discarding your stepchild. I really don't. Maybe I'm speciesist or something.

PCohle · 14/03/2019 13:14

Yeah it does seem bizarre that you see your cats as a better preparation for parenthood than your step daughter. Like, she is an actual human child you claim to love.

LegitimateShite · 14/03/2019 13:21

Differences between cats and children:
You don’t have to plan running errands around your cats routine
Your cat isn’t going to wake you up throughout the night and suck on your boobs/need to be held to be fed, burped, possibly not go back to sleep for hours.
If you realise you’re out of milk at 10pm you can pop out to a shop if you have a cat. If you don’t have a sitter, and your child is in bed, you’re stuck.
You have to take your child everywhere with you. Everywhere.
If you clean your house, it will likely stay clean. Once you’ve got a mobile child, be prepared to tidy up FOREVER.
If you need to make a phone call, your cat probably won’t hang off your clothes loudly demanding attention as soon as you start speaking.
Even with kittens, you will have chance to cook and eat actual food. With a newborn...possibly not so much.
A friend asks if you fancy a quick pint. Cats? Go for it. Children? Nope.
You don’t have to make sure everything is age appropriate (including your conversations) the entire time your cats are awake.

I have lots of rescue cats. I’ve bottle fed a kitten every three hours. I’ve got a semi-feral who needs lots of attention. I’ve also got children. You might be slightly more used to considering the needs of others, but they really don’t compare.

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 14/03/2019 13:21

Haven't RTFT but if your cats are waking you for food have you considered getting an auto/timed feeder? They'll stop bugging you if they know breakfast's arriving on its own!

Original poster
Bobcatcornea · 14/03/2019 13:32

Haven't RTFT but if your cats are waking you for food have you considered getting an auto/timed feeder? They'll stop bugging you if they know breakfast's arriving on its own!

That's very true @AtLeastThreeDrinks they're quite expensive though and we can't really justify the cost right now. We'd need two as unless they get fed in separate bowls, one pushes the other out.

I'm not sure anywhere on my thread I've said the kittens prepare me more than my stepdaughter Confused

OP posts:
funtimespeople · 14/03/2019 13:34

This thread has really made me laugh 😂

It's in no way the same but if you don't have DC's I can totally see why you might think it is.

soulrunner · 14/03/2019 13:41

Cats probably prepare you for having a teenager given they have 3 modes, being ‘where’s the food?’ ‘Eyeroll’ And ‘ mild disgust’

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 14/03/2019 13:43

Not to derail your thread @Bobcatcornea but my friend bought these for her cats, £14.99 (I know expense is all relative, but hope it's helpful!).

Re your original question, I'm childless but have wondered the same with regards to cats/dogs curtailing your freedom and whether it's in any way similar to children. Sounds like the answer is no Grin

Original poster
Bobcatcornea · 14/03/2019 13:50

That made me laugh @soulrunner

That looks really useful @AtLeastThreeDrinks Thanks. It's a lot more affordable than the £40 ones I found.

OP posts: