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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if DC are easier if you already have pets?

148 replies

Bobcatcornea · 14/03/2019 10:45

I read the thread on all the things that are bad about being a Mum. A lot of the things on there are my life now - lack of spontaneity with trips as we constantly have to think about the cats even down to a spontaneous night out after work, being woken up at 6 am and every other blooming day of the week, the constantness of things - scoop litter trays, feeding, playing with them etc

Having DC is bloody hard. But AIBU to think that maybe the transition might be just a tad easier if you already have pets such as cats or dogs?

OP posts:

Mookatron · 14/03/2019 11:38

But OP I'm sure you'll be a great mum if you're so nice to your cats, don't let us vipers put you off, kids are lovely (as well as annoying etc).

Stompythedinosaur · 14/03/2019 11:39

I see where you are coming from, op. I think the need to care for my animals got me in the habit of always thinking about the logistics of a situation, and prioritising a dependant over myself. It's not the same, but I think it's a preparation.

PCohle · 14/03/2019 11:39

I feed my cat before work and leave plenty of dry food out for him. I come from work about 7pm and feed them then.

Going on an unexpected night out after work and coming home at midnight would mean his was fed 5 hours late. He copes fine with this - his dry food is never finished.

Why would going on a night out mean not feeding a cat for 24 hours?

AnyWalls · 14/03/2019 11:46

OP, can you leave the house without your cats?

callymarch · 14/03/2019 11:48

automatic cat feeder

Original poster

Bobcatcornea · 14/03/2019 11:51

Why would going on a night out mean not feeding a cat for 24 hours?

As I've already explained upthread, I feed them at 6/6:30 leave the house to go to work, then unexpected night out comes up, I can't get home from the nearest town or city any time after 7 pm (which lets face it, it'd be a shit night out if I left at 7) so have to stay out therefore by the time I get home I've been out more than 24 hours

Do people actually read the OP / thread or just the thread title? I've already said having DC is blooming hard (I've known DSD since she was 2), I'm just trying to say that maybe it helps just a tad in some aspects as you've already got the commitments etc

OP posts:

thecatsthecats · 14/03/2019 11:51

This is precisely what I love about cats vs dogs AND babies.

For years my husband badgered me for a dog, to a firm NO WAY. I would be the one to take care of it. He works long hours and commutes very far. I grew up with cats. I know how relatively easy they are, and how easy it is to outsource their care or do things that would be neglectful for babies or dogs.

He's a convert: our cats are as daft as dogs about attention, and they like to be picked up and cradled like babies. I can also just leave a feeder overnight on Saturday in the merry knowledge they will entertain themselves for 24hr. For longer, all I need to do is book a sitter to pop in once a day.

One their worst days, they are harder than kids on their best days, sure. They are 'baby lite'. But they're also a good demonstration that this is what me and my husband are comfortable with now.

MrsTeaspoon · 14/03/2019 11:53

Oh this has given me a chuckle, thank you. Having pets is nothing like having children, at all. Please do t think fir a second they might be comparable.

buzzzzzzz · 14/03/2019 11:57

I don’t know, being 38 weeks pregnant with signs of impending labour and nursing a very sick pet that needs syringe feeding food and fluids every half hour is probably giving me a fair idea of what it could be like though.

You do worry about pets and no they can’t all be left alone for hours - if I wasn’t home and able to do what I’m doing I would be paying through the roof to have him stay in the vets with a vet nurse doing it (much like childcare really)

I think it depends on how high your pets needs are and what sort of pet owner you are. If you have a high needs pet that you put everything into then it probably does go some way to preparing you for the worry and the tie - although obviously pets are for a much shorter length of time, the worry for a child lasts a lifetime.

AnyWalls · 14/03/2019 12:04

@buzzzzzz Come back to this thread 24 hours after you've given birth and let us know whether the worry is the same......

TwiceAsNice22 · 14/03/2019 12:04

I can see what you are getting at but I don’t think they compare at all. Between them my darling twins woke up every hour, every night their first year. Being woken up early to feed a pet just doesn’t compare. Plus it takes a minute to open a tin of pet food and a minute to change kitty litter. All up it took hours a day to breast feed 2 babies and change nappies all day.

I have had cats and dogs before and while they dictate your life to an extent, it’s just not the same. You can leave the house without them, you can be in the house and do your own thing without having to give them constant attention. I wasn’t prepared for how all encompassing being a mother is.

That said, having pets enrich your life and you obviously need to look after them and care for them. And you need to plan ahead in regards to going away etc. but I still think they are just entirely different situations.

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 14/03/2019 12:04

I have an 11 month old cat and at 3 months that commitment was nothing like a child. I could still be reasonably spontaneous apart from checking food and litter tray I could pick up my keys and go. With a child even now my youngest is 8 leaving the house still involves getting g everyone organised to leave at the right time, filling any water bottles etc etc.
I have a dog as well and tbh I find that more of a tie. I could feed the cat and go out for the night and stay out all night the dog I couldn’t leave all night. When we went on holiday had to make arrangements for the dog, neighbour came and fed the cat.
I had two cats before first dc was born and I can honestly say I don’t think they really did anything to prepare me. They were far less hard work, had a cat flap so came and went as they pleased. Food put down and they ate it a baby particularly is a 24 hour thing as a cat owner there are plenty times I don’t go for a wee because I’ve got a cat on my knee but that is a choice. As a mum I’ve been desperate for the toilet but the baby that has been screaming for hours has finally fallen asleep on me and I can’t move for fear of a repeat is totally different.

buzzzzzzz · 14/03/2019 12:09

@AnyWalls

Definitely not claiming that the worry is the same, I’m not one of those people who believe that you love pets as much as you love your children, I know it’s different.

But in terms of time commitment, and emotional involvement, having a pet probably does act as a small taster of the things yet to come. Again not saying they are the same, but I don’t think you can discount it as a small stepping stone towards the responsibility involved in caring for a child.

Pernickity1 · 14/03/2019 12:10

The pet can become a total nuisance when you have DC... another needy being, depending on you and stretching you thin. Particularly if you have an overindulged pet. My dog was definitely overindulged and adored - two DC later and i often wish I’d waited and not adopted him til later on (or not had the children - depends who’s annoying me most!)

adaline · 14/03/2019 12:13

Of course you can leave cats that long! Just buy an automatic feeder and set it to open at their regular dinner time, or leave a bowl of biscuits down. They don't need set mealtimes - they're not toddlers who need to run on a schedule!

Mine generally don't give a shit whether I'm home or not and probably spend 22 hours a day sleeping, dozing or sunbathing. Sometimes they get fed at 7am, sometimes at 8.30, sometimes not until 10am depending on what else I have on that day. Same with evenings, sometimes it's 6pm, sometimes 11pm. They don't give a toss either way, I promise

MQv2 · 14/03/2019 12:13

I definitely think it does.

We have a 3 month old and I think the transition has been less severe because we got our dog a year before.

Ploppymoodypants · 14/03/2019 12:15

OP I thought the same as you. Thought it would be like pets but with less sleep.
I had/have a horse, 2 dogs and cats and a few other misc. creatures, all of which curbed carefree spontaneous abandon. They also took lots of time and money and worry. But nothing prepared me for the baby 🙈

minipie · 14/03/2019 12:16

I can see your point OP but it’s on a very different magnitude. So I can see that having a pet, especially a baby pet that needs a lot of care, prepares you for 5% of the responsibilities and restrictions of having a baby. Perhaps 10% if you’re comparing a difficult pet and an easy baby. But the reality of 100% is so so different that it feels non comparable.

It’s a bit like saying, it’s easier to have a baby if you’ve had a very demanding long hours job, because you’ve already given up your social life and are used to getting no sleep, feeling permanently exhausted and stressed. Maybe, but there’s still going to be a huuuge shock to the system.

Original poster

Bobcatcornea · 14/03/2019 12:17

They don't give a toss either way, I promise

Where are these cats that don't give a toss? Ours meow loudly, jump on you, scratch doors etc to the point that you can't just ignore them and not feed them until later.

Thank you @buzzzzzzz

@AnyWalls can you please answer my question as to why you think I'd struggle with DC if this is how I am with cats?

OP posts:

adaline · 14/03/2019 12:22

Where are these cats that don't give a toss? Ours meow loudly, jump on you, scratch doors etc to the point that you can't just ignore them and not feed them until later.

Shut them downstairs then.

PositivelyPeach · 14/03/2019 12:23

I get what you're trying to say OP.

Caring for pets and children aren't in any way comparable - but, for the simple fact of having to think and care for something else, loosing your freedom and lazy lie ins, putting their comfort before yours at times (6am dog walks in the rain) does help you to adapt to the huge change and responsibilities that come with being a parent.

Booboostwo · 14/03/2019 12:24

To an extent you have a point but I think it also depends on how you interact with your pets.

I had horses, cats, dogs and rabbits before the DCs (and still do) and, to an extent, they were a bit of a preparation for the DCs. The horses needed mucking out every day, I mucked them out in the middle of a New Years Eve party, they needed turning out every morning, no such thing as a lie in, the dogs needed walking in all weathers, etc. They made going away more complicated, life more costly and were very demanding. Individual pets were quite difficult, e.g. the puppy that didn’t sleep till 6mo or the puppy that toileted in the house till 1yo.

Having said, DCs were even more demanding!

Hugtheduggee · 14/03/2019 12:24

My cats actually did prepare me well. As someone here said, you're already used to thinking through the logistics of things.

I found it a harder transition to go from no pets to a pet than from a pet to a baby.

And no you dont have the worry about educating a pet, etc, but I'm not a big worrier when it comes to my children. I worry more about my cats and the road though (through sad experiences) so I actually worry more about them.

ChampooPapi · 14/03/2019 12:25

I think it also depends on the individuals personality . Some people feel more prepared by having had pets and then do feel maybe more confident when their baby arrives. But I think this is also a bit of a placebo? Some who have had pets make better parents some who have had them make terrible parents.

Some who hate animals and have never had them make fantastic parents, some who have had them all their lives make fantastic parents.

I know someone who is obsessed with animals, would do anything for them and she absolutely hates babies and small children. She is one of those people who will always donate to donkeys or orangutan charities but would never give to save the children or the like

ZanyMobster · 14/03/2019 12:27

I had kids first then cats. Don't really see that it would prepare you in any way. We had them from 10 weeks and they are clingy to people generally (indoor cats so it does make a difference) but they don''t really give a shit who, they clearly miss us when we are away as they follow whoever comes in to feed them around then follow us around when we're home for the first day but they don't really seem affected as long as they have someone to make a fuss of them.

We can be spontaneous as we have a food timer that we use permanently so can go away for 24 hours etc, have never done that for the kids and it's dead easy to find a cat sitter. Obviously wouldn't have when we first got them but it is only a few months that it's an issue. We left them to go to work days after a couple of weeks.

I agree re shutting them in, we did that for the first year pretty much but once they were bigger they would scratch, bang, jump up at the door and wake us up about 530 every day so now they come upstairs. They disturb us a bit at night but not as bad as the hideous wake up call at 530 every day. Major difference is that you can train kids to stop waking up, we tried with the cat and they just don't care.

You do seem extremely precious about the kittens, I am really soft with mine but in reality they are not particularly limiting to anything if you have a food timer. You can be away 2-3 days with no one going in to be honest.

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