Family want a dog, I don't

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I feel really mean to have said no. But I know the responsibility will fall on me as they are out most of the time and have busy lives- after school club and the like. DH also works long hours.

We live in a flat which is the first problem. We aren't allowed dogs, so this is a good excuse. However now DH is talking about moving so we can have a dog and garden (argh). Dc are young teens and happily settled in school etc.

I have suggested Walk my Doggy for eldest DC or the Cinnamon trust- where you help someone ill or elderly with dog walking. They don't want to as it would be their own dog.

We already have a Cockatiel which I feel needs enough attention, I end up feeding and looking after that sometimes, (and reminding them to do it)

They all including DH seem to want this dog but not taking on the reality of it, but making me feel like the mean one and being unkind my saying no. I feel like it would be another child / baby to look after.

It is also made worse as have relatives who dote on their dogs and feel like they are their world, they have got the dogs as the children grew up - it seems to me they like feeling if looking after them and being needed, but we aren't all the same and I'm somewhat relived by the Dcs becoming more independant.

They tell me it might be good for me as have MH to look after this dog and take it out etc, I prefer going out myself though to the shops or gym and don't like the park as other cross dogs there and chatty dog owner 'cliques'- remind me of the school run!

Going down the cinnamon trust route is an excellent idea - if they can prove that they are reliable volunteers then it can be brought back for discussion once you live somewhere suitable (but no commitment to you saying yes). An older dog in a non shedding breed may be better than a puppy if you give in.

Honestly, I adore dogs and have one. But I can’t see getting another when she goes. Ddog is unusually easy going for a yappy breed - quiet, bomb-proof toilet training, no prey drive, no destruction of property, no nipping. She has 3 modes - loaf on sofa/in my bed/In someone’s lap, play with ball and go for walk. But as the kids get older and have more on we will still have to wrangle walks and not leaving her too long etc around everyone.

*People should only get dogs if they really like "dog things," not just dogs themselves.

I.e. you need to be someone who basically likes outdoor days out in dog friendly areas, prefers UK holidays in dog-friendly surroundings*

Why.

I have had a dog and never did it stop us going abroad or having days/evenings out or anything else.

There are kennels and dog sitters or just leaving them indoors.

Ddog when we went away would love her kennel stay as she would share with another dog and she always had a great time playing with her new friends.
She would have loved for us to bring the other ddog home to play some more.

OKlet me rephrase that"People should only get dogs if they really like "dog things," not just dogs themselves, OR have plenty of money."

For a lot of people, paying for kennels and similar services is not financially feasible.

You could also end up with a dog who howls non stop in kennels and basically can't be boarded. My sister's dog was like that. Grandparents developed health problems and could no longer mind the dog, and then sis and BIL were basically stuck.

They are going to get a cat next time!

But a cat still needs to go in a cattery if you go away.

You’re absolutely right not to get a dog. The walking, grooming, feeding, poo picking up and training etc would all be down to you. If you’re not keen on dogs then walkingyour dog and encountering other dogs would be hugely stressful for you.
Some cats have to be indoor cats. They would be fine in a flat. Best to rescue rather than risk getting a kitten who’s desperate to go out.
I love my dog but she’s a LOT of work. The cats are much easier. Certainly couldn’t leave a dog alone overnight with a clockwork feeder.

Don’t do it. I’m stuck walk-in our dog every day and I really don’t enjoy it. It is a chore and something constantly hanging over me as it needs to be done every day. The only time I do enjoy it is at the weekend when we do it together as a family. But that’s 2 days out of 7. The rest of the week it’s me trudging through a field on my own (and almost always it seems at the moment) in the rain.

And our dog is very well behaved. What if yours isn’t and damages furniture/runs amok on a walk/doesn’t behave well with other dogs you meet while out?

If you will be main care giver and aren’t 100% devoted to the idea, don’t get a dog. It’s not fair on you or the dog.

Oliversmummy--not necessarily if you have an outdoor cat; you can just pay a teenager some pocket money to replace the water and cat food daily.

Do not get a dog. I begged and begged my parents for a dog as a child. FIL bought us one as a surprise. I love him but I don’t know if I’d have another. All the care will fall to you because when they’ve decided the dog doesn’t need a walk, and you can see that it does, it’ll be you taking it out. Mine got ill the week before Christmas and it cost £600. His needs never stop. He’s always bringing dirt into the house which magnifies housework tenfold. I’m going out this afternoon and feel guilty he will be on his own. Never mind thinking about moving house to get one. You don’t want one, you don’t have to justify it. You have many good reasons not to.

A dog is huge bind. My work, weekends, holidays - all of it has to revolve around the dog. As a puppy he destroyed the house. He has been outrageously expensive. I adore him and it is still at times a nightmare.

Trudging around everyday picking up turds for a dog you don't even want that much would be awful.

Don't do it!

And I'm writing that with my adored Labrador with his gorgeous snuffly head in my lap.

Kokeshi123

I have had out door cats and they still need to go into a cattery.

If you pay a teenager to feed your cat and your cat is out doors and the food is indoors how is the cat supposed to feed.

Who is going to take it out for a wee from the flat? Several times a day. I love dogs and wouldn't be without one. it's not fair on the dog.

And it's definitely not fair on you!

Be firm and clear.

No.

You do not want a dog.

You cannot have a dog where you live now.

You do not want to move and/ or have a garden.

The kids can have a dog when they have their own homes and life allows, if they want.

A good dog breeder/ rehomer would not home a dog to you in these circs. You do not want a dog from the type of breeder/ who would.

Good luck.

Not sure why people think they will help MH, the cuddles maybe?

For me my dog has helped massively with my MH. I was going through a lot of fertility issues at the time we got him and it wasn't so much the cuddles but rather the distraction that helped. It was something that needed me, even on rainy days like today, to get out of bed and get out of the house. It didn't matter if I was having a bad day, I had to get up and out and care for this little thing that relied on me. It helped me immensely by not allowing me to sit and think constantly about my situation.

That being said (and I just wanted to share my reasonings with you given your question), they are hard work and I absolutely do not recommend getting a dog if you're not committed. I think people who don't have them view it with rose tinted glasses, it's something cute and fluffy to cuddle with etc... But the reality is a lot different and you're absolutely not being unreasonable to say no if it's not something you want!

If you pay a teenager to feed your cat and your cat is out doors and the food is indoors how is the cat supposed to feed.

Outdoor cats have cat flaps (because otherwise they would just be a feral cat or something!)

I take your point that cats require some effort too, but they really are nothing compared to a dog, esp if you have an outdoor cat. No need to go home and keep them company or take them on walks etc./

I think dogs can help with MH issues where there is isolation or lack of purpose. A dog like a DC forces you to get up in the morning and get outside.

However I find owning a dog has made my more stressful and anxious. Everybody has an opinion on everything from what breed of dog you have, what lead you've got - just read the dog threads for verification. When walking with a dog, particularly a puppy, you're forced to interact with loads of people. Great if you need company- not too great if - like me - you're an introvert in a stressful job and enjoy silence in your own time.

Oh and now I get to feel like a not good enough dog owner in addition to a not good enough DM.

Just NO

I was talked into getting a dog. And am now so grateful . I absolutely love her BUT I do everything despite all the promises . Luckily I love walking, I love her cuddles and I love it that she loves me so much but it’s a massive responsibility and dogs deserve to be loved and cared for so if this is something you can’t do you MUST say NO !

Do you like reptiles? Leopard geckos or crested geckos make great pets for teens and they're not as high maintenance as a dog. Plus, you can have them in flats and small houses, no outdoor space necessary. My gecko chills out with me on the sofa at night.

Absolutely stick to your guns. Young teenagers very quickly turn into older teenagers who leave home plus even when they are there you will end up doing all the work. Getting a dog, especially a young one, I'd as much if not more work than having another child.

Yes I see that it could bring purpose but have already got two Dc to get ready and out the door, walk to school etc as it is...routine I guess can be good for mental health.

We had the relatives puppy round again this weekend and it was a bit stressy, trying to get into the bedrooms and being like a toddler. It didn't make me want to have one as it was stressful and worried it might get stepped on. It was very cute and like a baby though when cuddled up on a lap - I think maybe we can borrow it now and again and that will be enough.

I agree with you and I am a huge dog lover who spent years desperate for a dog, which I now have and love but the agreement was that as I wanted the dog all responsibility would fall to me, I would never have expected my husband to take on the responsibility as he was clear he wouldn't choose to own a dog, therefore he has never once walked her or picked up after her and that is fine by me as I wanted her (I must make it clear, he is kind to her and shows affection, feeds her etc). Your family can't be that eager to own a dog if they don't want the responsibility that comes with one.

Move out, majority rules.