Family want a dog, I don't

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I feel really mean to have said no. But I know the responsibility will fall on me as they are out most of the time and have busy lives- after school club and the like. DH also works long hours.

We live in a flat which is the first problem. We aren't allowed dogs, so this is a good excuse. However now DH is talking about moving so we can have a dog and garden (argh). Dc are young teens and happily settled in school etc.

I have suggested Walk my Doggy for eldest DC or the Cinnamon trust- where you help someone ill or elderly with dog walking. They don't want to as it would be their own dog.

We already have a Cockatiel which I feel needs enough attention, I end up feeding and looking after that sometimes, (and reminding them to do it)

They all including DH seem to want this dog but not taking on the reality of it, but making me feel like the mean one and being unkind my saying no. I feel like it would be another child / baby to look after.

It is also made worse as have relatives who dote on their dogs and feel like they are their world, they have got the dogs as the children grew up - it seems to me they like feeling if looking after them and being needed, but we aren't all the same and I'm somewhat relived by the Dcs becoming more independant.

They tell me it might be good for me as have MH to look after this dog and take it out etc, I prefer going out myself though to the shops or gym and don't like the park as other cross dogs there and chatty dog owner 'cliques'- remind me of the school run!

Don’t do it. I was in a similar situation that my family was ok with it but admitted I would be doing most (All) of the work. Ds is an only child and thought a dog would be so nice for him but when he and dh appeared unenthusiastic about sharing the responsibilities I told them then it was a big fat no from me.

It's really not a good idea to get a dog if you are not all on the same page but I would say to anyone else reading this that there are other alternatives that haven't been mentioned on this thread. Everyone is talking about puppies and how much hard work they are which is true. We decided instead to get a rescue dog as both our DCs have ASD and it would have been very difficult to cope with training a puppy and looking after them.
He came ready trained, he was given up by his previous owners because they had got him as a puppy for their teen who had now gone to Uni and they didn't have time to look after him themselves!
He doesn't need 3 walks a day, he is very dedicated to our two children and has turned into their best friend and loves nothing better than a snuggle up on the sofa.
Older dogs are especially desperate to be homed and of course they don't live as long as a puppy!

I wouldn't get one unless everyone is 100 percent.
Dh and I have always desperately wanted a dog as we both grew up in families with dogs. However we waited until kids were all age 9 and up and someone is home most of the time.

Due to allergies (and struggling to find a rescue of the breed that would accept kids and being an only dog) we got a puppy. The workload is brutal. It's very much like having a toddler. Or twin toddlers. It's full on. 24 7 up and down not able to watch TV or eat in peace etc. Pee all over the house. Chewed up things. Not able to leave alone etc. The vet fees.

Despite this we don't regret it and love having a dog. It's not that much of a tie for us as we tend to just go walking and all family and friends have dogs. We holiday in the UK etc. I have a back up dog care locally. However I hope and look forward to when it gets easier and she calms down!!

Only get a puppy if you are desperate for a dog and all on the same page!! An older rescue could be much better.

Be very careful about what you wish for op.

Myself and dc wanted another dog after our old girl passed.

Dp said no.

We now have multiple cats. (Took in a pregnant stray and kept all the kittens).

Dp now wishes he had agreed to one dog.

People should only get dogs if they really like "dog things," not just dogs themselves.

I.e. you need to be someone who basically likes outdoor days out in dog friendly areas, prefers UK holidays in dog-friendly surroundings.

If you want to go to a greater range of leisure areas, have many overseas holidays, shop/restaurant as a way of enjoying days out, think carefully because a dog can really be a bind. You can't leave them for extended periods of time. In a way it is harder than having a small child. At least small children can be taken into shopping centers and cafes and museums and so on. Dogs mostly can't!

kokeshi123 is right. Liking dogs is not enough. You have to like all that comes with them. I love dogs. If I am not working, I am doing something that involves dogs. I have read umpteen science papers on the benefits of owning dogs. I still think you should stick to your guns and not get a dog. They are hard work and you will end up doing all that work. For the next ten plus years.

Plus, dogs deserve homes where everyone in the home wants them. Not where someone has been worn down into getting one and risks resentment building towards the dog.

Your kids / husband might like to volunteer in an animal refuge to get their "fix" of animals. I can't believe that your DH would suggest moving house just so you can have a dog ? That's crazy ! And a dog in a flat is even more crazy. Stick to your guns - if your DC can't be bothered to look after a bird they won't bother with a dog, and then it would be all on you.

No. Just no. No 'tests, no 'do this for x weeks and we'll get a dog'. No.

We got a dog. I did less exercise than before even though i did 90%of the walking because of the dog's particular needs. Dh's severe mh issues got worse as he felt under pressure to walk the dog at every moment and didn't I would get up at 6, walk the dog before work, do all the dog care, and come back from work at 6pm to find that the dog hadn't been out since the morning (dh at home all day). dh needed my attention but I would have to be out with the dog. When we went out all together I felt torn three ways as dh ds and the dog all wanted pieces of me. DS adored the dog but failed totally to step up, and there's no choice - you must meet the dog's needs. It was probably the worst time of our lives. Dog not surprisingly was insecure and became more aggressive. Cue behaviourisys and yet more work for me. It all cost SO much, money we didn't have.

Sit them down and tell them all that you refuse to live with a dog, that the conversation is not to happen again, and that they need to show they actually care about you as a me.ber of the family. That they can explore other ways of caring for animals but you will not have a dog at home. Be the bad guy.

As lovely as having a dog is, it sounds like your family and your home wouldn't suit it at the moment. You all sound busy and are out of the house a lot. You are being the practical one here by thinking about these things. It's not a fun position to be in but it's better than getting a dog that you will struggle to look after properly.

Also a note on dogs in flats - aside from the fact that you will be forced to get rid of the dog if found out, it's a massive pain in the arse to have one in a flat. I used to and I said never again. Every single time the dog needs a wee you have to take it out it for a walk, you can't just open the back door and let him nip out to do his business. It's hugely inconvenient and no one volunteers for this job when everyone is tired and about to go to bed, or busy doing something.

Oh btw we got an older rescue (2years old) to avoid the puppy costs and care needs and because we thought it was a good thing to do. Very bad idea. I don't think any novice dog owners should get a rescue dog, especially with children as you simply gave no idea what you are getting.

We have a dog. I love dogs and I’m a huge animal lover. But my life revolves around walking the dog. His walking schedule seems to trump everyone else’s schedules. I knew this going into ‘getting a dog’ and was fully committed. I knew it would ALL fall on me because I remember being a teen myself and NEVER walking the dog.

The cat, the guinea pigs, the frogs, and the fish are are white noise.

Stand your ground OP.

check out the 'anyone else regret getting a dog' thread currently on the doghouse board...

Please don't get one. Lay down the law if you have to but your son's allergy aside, the two major red flags I'm seeing is A) you live in a flat, every toilet trip will be a faff and the dog will inevitably make messes and or have to hold it in until you can be bothered to take it all the way downstairs and B) you both work. That one would be the deal breaker. It's just not workable while still being fair on the dog. Stay strong and be firm

YANBU.

Worn down by DH and DS we got a dog.

DS 12 is an only and I thought it might be nice company for him. I actually hate my own DS sometimes because of his treatment of the dog - or lack of treatment- and bitterly resent feeding, walking etc. whilst DS slobs in front of his computer, or else having to nag/threaten him to take some responsibility for the dog I was very clear that I didn't want and he allegedly was desperate for.

DH is good and when he is there the dog is his primary responsibility, but the floors are constantly filthy, our garden is a disgrace and the dog walker for the days we aren't at home is expensive. Oh and I find it hard to work from home with the dog. He's actually a rather well behaved and placid chap, but it's still one more thing to think about. Oh and DH likes to go on walking weekends and is also going off on a solo big birthday trip. As DS is now a lot more self sufficient I really resent being tied down by ddog.

In short don't do it. We have a lovely lady from borrowmydoggy who takes DDog out at weekends sometimes and is amazingly kindly coming to our houses to look after him whilst we're on holidays. I'd research that option - if you borrow a dog for a couple of weeks your DC will have a mich better idea of what work is entailed.

Thing is I don't even like dogs much. I'm a bit scared of them. A big alsatian snapped at DC when a toddler which was horrible, nearly bit him. I don't like the smell and the constant fuss of them, but feel i can't say that to relatives as they love them so much.

Yes there are other pets like cats I guess, don't feel it is fair to have one in a flat.

they seem to have quietened down about the dog, also relatives are having problems just now with introducing a new dog to the other dogs, maybe the realisation about now tricky it can be is helping?

Please don't give in. I waited 2 decades until the time was right to have a dog. When the time is right they are a blessing. My neighbours gave in to their DCs' nagging. I won't go into details but poor bloody dog.

Here is how dogs have affected the rest of family. (family who think we should get one)- apart from the other stuff mentioned, walking, training feeding etc.

It means they basically can't see each other, which is daft, but due to the dogs not getting on. What this means in practice is they have to have complicated arrangements such as can't meet at X's due to past fight between certain dogs. I don't understand why can't just put in in the garden while the other visits but seems not. It is like the dogs 'rule the roost'

Stress for the grandparents who are getting old- having to stay over and look after the big dogs while family away- they worry over getting it right bless them as they have complicated diets and supplements to follow. Even when hiring a daily god walker to help it needs them to stay over also.

When they go away with the dogs it is limiting as can't fly anywhere, need to take the car. they drive miles due to the dogs (I am not keen on driving either and DCs get car sick)

Huge vet bills / insurance- worry over illness and operations / surgery etc.

However these relatives still keep saying we should get a dog (and the grandparents!) Had a funny discussion with the grandparents yesterday- we were both 'no way'-

"God walker'= dog walker! Haha

Absolutely ridiculous! Tell the relatives they can get a dog and your DC's can just visit! A dog would be a one-day wonder, just a novelty, and you'd be stuck with it!

Surely guide dog puppies only go to extremely experienced dog owners who get trained to do the job?

It isn’t like a free for all you library for teens who fancy a bit of puppy dog novelty

Hate this. It's as if you're their to facilitate their wants (not needs) with no regard to your feelings or how this will impact on your life. It's not just the practical side of things it's the mental load. They fuck off to work/school and switch off dog mode til they're back in the house. You have to think about the dog and it's needs e.g. can you leave the dog home alone for longer than planned as you've bumped into an friend who's suggested lunch but you only nipped out for an hour on errands, will the dog need a wee, is it feeding time etc etc

Just not fair to you.

Friends of mine who loved their dog dearly have just given him to neighbours because they were finding him too much work. They still love him and still see him regularly but couldn't cope - all fit and able bodied people, just busy. Another friend recently got rid of her dog because it kept nipping at one dc. DON'T DO IT IF YOU'RE NOT 100% SURE (sounds like you understand that OP)

Yes it feels like now the DCs are getting older we can get this dog...and I have this space to look after it- reality is I am not looking to 'fill' any such space and in fact need the space to stay sane! (had PND in the past when babies were small mainly due to lack of any time to myself.)

If DH was retired and wanted to have a dog to look after I wound;t mine it too much, as long as he looked after it. I could cope with it being there if it didn't impact on me too much. (sorry sounds a bit selfish but there we go- sometimes it is good to be a bit selfish at times I have learnt)

What is happening recently is one of the relatives has a new puppy. There is worry over this puppy going to the house with the bigger dogs as hasn't been introduced to them yet (and they had a fight with another relatives dog) so, anyway, they have been staying with the puppy at another relatives and when in town bringing it up to the flat.

That is interesting as the DC play with it for a bit then wander off back to what they are doing. The (young-ish) owner then brings them back to play again (keep for break I think)...It has strict rules and times for meals and naps...the DC were asked to sit so puppy could sleep on their lap like a baby or something. A bit weird but anyway think DC were a bit fed up. Hopefully will make them think a bit more about the reality. It also had a paper sheet rolled out in case it weed and fuss about that...and various equipments and is on a special diet etc...all a huge fuss anyway.

DH thought DC 'seemed sad' and 'quiet' after (due to not being able to have a dog etc) but I thought, maybe a bit fed up with the whole thing!

The owner was not pleased as youngest DC didn't like being nipped by the puppy's tiny (sharp teeth) and got him back to play...find it all a bit weird really. Anyway!

I would suggest we look after it a little bit, but seems very attached to its owner.

Oh God it would cause massive angst and family drama if we got one and it needed re-homed, don't think they would ever speak to us again!

They think, dogs 'make you a better person'- we'd never live it down if that happened. This is all making me more determined for it not to happen.

I was asked recently if I wanted a puppy. (The person who asked knows I'm a dog lover and was asking on behalf of a neighbour of his). This poor creature was bought for a child who lost interest in it after five minutes. The stupid indulgent parent wanted rid of it and it was only a few months old.

I also know several retired couples locally, fortunately dog lovers, who are now the owners of the dogs bought by their families who then realised they didn't have time for the pet.

The stupidity of people who treat living creatures like this makes me really angry.