Couples who do absolutely everything together

[evaperonspoodle]

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.

A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.

A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

@disorganised
Stop picking out what suits you, I said spending ALL your time with OH not any time.
Christ I bet you're a riot at a night out 🙄
Do you check when you're allowed a toilet break or do you take him with you?

I think the school and parent evening and pick ups stuff is good.
You just aren't used to men actually doing child rearing too we just expect women to do it alone.

We were specifically told that only one parent should attend due to lack of space. It was an information session, not relating to children's progress (perfectly reasonable for both parents to attend in that case) I can recall at least 4 couples coming together. It's nothing to do with gender expectation/roles in this case. They were occupying double the amount of seats that they were supposed to, meaning that other parents had to stand outside the door, unable to read the info on the projector due to lack of space.

Blatant placemarking!

Some people are just piss takers @evaperonspoodle. It doesn’t mean they spend all their tome together.

my late dm didnt have any friends either except one she knew from college and even then my dad used to meet with her when my mum went

It’s really really strange.
I would never want to gate crash one of my husbands boys nights, why are people so insecure that they can’t spend time apart? Surprisingly this doesn’t mean that I don’t like my husband. I wouldn’t go on holiday without him but we are separate people and have separate hobbies, friends, interests and opinions.
Since time began people have had their tribes and women and men have spent time apart from each other doing their separate activities.
I can’t believe anyone would think it was acceptable to be meeting with a girl friend and take their husband along, surely that’s just rude. It completely changes the dynamic and in that circumstance the other friend would probably much prefer to also bring their partner rather than being a third wheel to a couple. Why would anyone think that this is acceptable?

I love my dp and he spends too long at work away from me to be apart anymore than that.
We are very into each other and his hobby means he’s at home to do it. No sports or drinking.
I will be doing my hobby in the same room while we have cups of tea/coffee.
We do most things together, food shopping so he can help pick what he wants, drs appointment we would go together etc...
When he’s working I’m taking the dc out, seeing grandparents, friends etc.
I don’t need to be with him if he’s filling up the car or grabbing a takeaway/haircut/posting something however.
We are not joined at the hip but almost. Whatever works. Bit silly to worry about other people’s lives really. Live your own.

Oblomov19
Disorganised mum, do you honestly have no friends of your own?

huh?!? where did I say that?
just because I prefer my DH company doesn't mean we only see HIS friends, receive or visit HIS friends.

I am not an 18 year old having a blast at University between 2 holidays anymore, I am a middle-aged full time working mum. I am past the time of girls holidays, or hen weekends, and I always had an equal amount of male and female friends anyway.

I would have no problem working with DH - we're just not really in the same field, I prefer to spend time with him, I don't want to go to weddings or holidays on my own. I am bored to death when I travel alone - but unlike others, I don't judge others who do prefer it.

None of my friends has ever been put off visiting because DH was there - it's his house too!

I am more than happy to grab a coffee or a bit with a friend on my own, but I am not interested in doing things at the weekend alone. I do find it amazing that it's causing so much grief and angst for some people.

We are that couple! He is my best friend and we enjoy being together. I do stuff without him on occasion but he never socialises without me.

We have managed 26 years in each other's pockets. We have worked together too.

My Dp comes to Drs appointments with me because i do have anxiety. Sometimes he comes on sometines he doesn't.

Bookworm4

Do you check when you're allowed a toilet break or do you take him with you?
you are getting completely ridiculous you know that.

WHY are you even that bothered by the dynamic of other couples? Are you that unsure about yours? There's no reason why you would care so much.

Do you check when you're allowed a toilet break or do you take him with you?

Now that's just catty, and uncalled for.

I must admit the thought of middle aged (and older) people talking about going out ‘with the girls/boys’ makes me wrinkle by nose a bit

@disorganised
Who is the bitchy one now?
I'm perfectly confident in my relationship and that's without having to be a klingon.
You're very defensive so I'd say you're the one with a problem.

I don't know anyone who wouldn't tell their partner. They might not bother to, because it's too uninteresting to repeat, but there's no reason why they should hide something from them. I would find it weird and unhealthy if you couldn't confide in your own partner.

Well as has been said repeatedly, if someone tells you something in confidence, it's in confidence. They're telling you, as a separate entity from your DH. I have occasionally come across couples who can't separate out information in this way and I never tell one of them anything in confidence, because I know it won't be.

It's most noticeable where a friendship predates a partnership. An old school friend of mine got married in her mid 20s. We'd known each other since we were three. This meant that there were all sorts of things I would share with her, knowing it only went to her. Personal, private things. Once she was married she would tell her DH everything. It meant I no longer told her anything very much because these personal things were for her to know as an old friend, not for him to know as someone I was barely acquainted with.

It's about having a separate identity and realising that other people will see you as separate. Now, if you're inclined to share anything and everything go ahead. But just let anyone know that before they confide in you, because confiding in one person really isn't the same thing as confiding in them and their husband.

My AIBU is AIBU to be a bit miffed about couples who go absolutely everywhere together?

And the answer is 100% yes.

I'm not one of those couples but have zero feelings on them. It affects you in no way whatsoever.

Posting an alternative view here, if you see us on a Sunday then we look like a joined at the hip couple. We go everywhere together on a Sunday. Petrol in the car? Both going? Emergency hair dye purchase to deal with the disastrous job I did yesterday? Both going and I'm wearing a hat. We don't see each other at any other point in the week so we make the most of the day we do have so we make the most of every minute.

And I'm that couple.

He's my best mate and I dont particularly want to spend time with others. We socialise together, go clubbing together, walk the children to school when we're at home together. Speak to each other loads when we're both at work (don't work together).

Its what makes me happy. I look forward to the end of the working day to see him. I do the odd occasional thing without him, but not much. I go to an exercise class once a week without him.

I'm a full time working mum. And I'm very capable of being on my own but I'm happier when I'm with him.

It makes me laugh how people find this so odd and irritating. I don't encroach my relationship choice on anyone else. And I'm certainly not controlled or have MH issues. I'm just happier with him.

Judge me all you like.

Sounds like my idea of hell, but different folks and all that

I find it a bit annoying. Had a day out planned with 2 women friends and our DDs, ended up with one of the DHs wanting to join, so then the 2nd woman's DH joined. At that point i ducked out. Was turning into a completely different type of day out and tbh men get on my tits a lot of the time. LOL.

Haven't read the comments but I agree with you OP. It's sad, a lot of people never venture off anywhere, even to an appointment in their home town, without support. Now support is good. We all want that. It's nice to have support. But to take every small step as though you were marching in to the ark, how can anybody 'grow' emotionally? Less bravery is required to go and do things as a pair so it's good to have had to do most things on your own.

This reminds me of some parents at my DC primary, both did everything together, WITH the wife's parents. So school drop off and pick up, school meetings, parents evenings, all 4 there every time. Shopping at the weekend in town- all 4 there every time .
If I were the H I think I would find it slightly claustrophobic.

We would do lots of things described in the OP together but we most certainly do our own things at times too. Definitely it apologising for being in love with, and married to, my best friend!

*Not

Its not like they can say no,if they are put on the spot.

Oh, yes, they can! But far too many don't, although a lot just quit asking that person to join in because he/she will never come along without the (usually annoying) partner. It's far better to just say NO, not okay with his coming. The same gal who used to do this with a group of us who'd been mates for a long time is then try to control where we went for dinner. Everyone would agree thai or Indian and she'd whinge, 'Tom 'can't eat' (fussy fucker) spicy/'foreign' food/pasta can we go to (some shit chain restaurant)?' We'd say no and so she'd not go but never seemed to get the hint until it came to a head at the cottage.

FFS. Get a life!

My husband and I act like we are joined at the hip. It suits us. End of story.

My MIL has this periodic subject of, 'you should make friends, because you don't know what will happen if one of you ends up on your own.'

Yep, I can understand that. However. Since her husband died 25 years ago she has moved house, picked up a couple of new hobbies, made a social life and acquaintances from these hobbies. Cracked on with the gardening. Made friends with her neighbours who have been very decent to her since she had her driving licence rescinded for medical reasons.

There's not one person who she was friends with when her husband my DH's father was still alive, who she still knows now. This is due to them passing away or losing touch.

So, my point is, without a long term partner, some people almost have to re-write their life should they wish too because they can't bear the post-bereavement silence any longer.