Couples who do absolutely everything together

[evaperonspoodle]

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.

A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.

A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

I'll admit to being internally very judgey about couples like this.
I just think it's pathetic, needy and co-dependent.

We are kindred spirits

You don’t arrange a girls night and expect one person to bring their man along - it’s rude!!

Then it’s not ok. That’s why I said if others were ok with it, if they weren’t, surely it wouldn’t happen? Idk, all our friends mix all the time. We don’t really do ‘girly’ stuff.

I adore my dh but I need my own time too. We both have nights out without the other, see friends independently. I spend every evening pretty much with dh it’s healthy in my opinion to spend time apart too. I have been on weekend breaks, as has he.

I would find it weird and unhealthy if you couldn't confide in your own partner.

If you've been told something in confidence, then you don't share it, even with your own husband. It's not your information to share.

It wouldn't occur to me that I actually had to say "Please don't tell John."

And then she’d do it anyway because it’s ‘normal’ to not hide anything from your DH.

My DH comes with me for all of my medical appointments and usually comes in with me but then I'm very ill and disabled.

I get what you mean though OP,me and my DH really enjoy each others company but we do do things separately as well.

We have interests and friends of our own and then we both have shared interests and shared friends.

For me I think a 50-50 split of having time alone and with different friends and enjoying that and then really enjoying spending time just the two of us is a healthy relationship to me.

I would never ever take my DH along on a meet up with only other women and to be honest he really wouldn't want to come along neither.

YANBU

Glad you cancelled, Pancake, I'd have done the same. Used to have a friend like this and man, it grew tireseome so the group of us stopped asking her because she'd bring him everywhere. Final straw was a cottage for 6 of us for a long weekend, sharing rooms. She showed up with him and then told the person she was supposed to be with that she, the other person, could just sleep on the sofa and she and her man 'needed privacy'. We'd had enough! Told them both they needed to leave and we'd reimburse her for her share but we weren't having him along. Boy did he kick off! Tough shit.

I find it weird too. My bf and her bf are attached to each other. Phoning each other when not together, phone going when mid conversation just to talk about every day stuff. She wanted to bring him on my hen night years ago. It was a no, I mean really?

My dh is away tonight, he left at 5am, he rang me at 6.30pm, and I won’t see or hear from him until I see him tomorrow evening. My dh works away a lot, I used to also.
Maybe we’re used to being so relaxed about things. If he called me loads through the day (bar an emergency) I’d switch my phone off or ignore. Things can wait, and so can calls when out with friends.

Bookworm4
I am not the one who started a thread laughing at couple who spend time apart. I am just replying to the insults, but funnily enough, you don't like it when I turn things around.

I don't judge or think anything at all if I see a group of women (or men) having a meal or a drink together. But it's ok to mock couples you see together?

It's a bit sad if you find time with your partner suffocating. but you know "lighthearted"

My mum is always saying how nice it is to get out with 'just the girls' and I smile and nod and really don't get it. How is excluding half the friendship group 'more fun'?

It's an entirely different dynamic, IME. I think women's friendships are absolutely crucial and I couldn't imagine my life without my female friends. But I couldn't imagine living a life where my husband car grocery shopping with me, or I went with him to get his oil changed, because "he's my best friend." That way isolation lies...

She wanted to bring him on my hen night years ago. It was a no, I mean really?

now THAT is weird.

I wouldn't mind doing most things with dh, but i draw the line at encroaching into my Aiden Turner fantasies!

Me and dp are like this.

I will go to the GP and dp will come just for the sake of it because why not if hes free.

PIL were like this and we recently lost MIL - DH is very worried about his dad, who has no friends and has very little to do with his family.

For me I think a 50-50 split of having time alone and with different friends and enjoying that and then really enjoying spending time just the two of us is a healthy relationship to me.

That’s just it though isn’t it. OP doesn’t know if the people she’s making examples off don’t ever do anything apart. She’s just assuming so that she can look down on them.

I feel sorry for them. How pathetic they are.

YANBU this is irritating - I know a few couples like this. However there’s nearly always more at play: anxiety/control of some variation.

I too think it's very odd. Possibly Controlling? There's a big difference between enjoying spending lots of time with your husband, and being joined at the hip/inviting him to girls nights out or watching the hen do video.

Sometimes you are friends with couples, or the husband and the wife, but if you are mainly friends with just the woman, you need time with just her, to deepen the friendship.

I wouldn't put up with women bringing their husbands along. I'd tell the woman that it was women only.

I think the school and parent evening and pick ups stuff is good.
You just aren't used to men actually doing child rearing too we just expect women to do it alone.

I'm curious - how much is this a man/woman thing? Would you be more forgiving of a lesbian couple who always socialised together etc?

Being joined at the hip is up to them, I could not give a shit, but bringing another person male or female that was not invited, is plain rude.

I thought this thread was going to be about couples like me and DH but tbh your examples make us seem really normal 😂

We genuinely enjoy each other’s company and will do activities like B&Q, garden centre etc. ‘As a family’ but no way would we go to each other’s GP appointments!

I don’t see the problem with a DP/DH tagging along on a ‘girls day/weekend’ if she checked and everybody and they were fine with him being there either

Of course they mind.You are deluding yourself if you think otherwise.Its not like they can say no,if they are put on the spot.

Disorganised mum, do you honestly have no friends of your own?

Do you not consider that odd? I do. Very.

Its not like they can say no,if they are put on the spot.

Of course they can say no. They’re adults with their own free will aren’t they?