Couples who do absolutely everything together

[evaperonspoodle]

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.

A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.

A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

On mixed nights out - I worry sometimes about my DH suffering loneliness, because we do girls' nights, to which he isn't invited. But he gels better with the women in that social group, and the guys just don't do the same thing.

For our other friend groups, we all get together with partners, and mix and match.

If we split up, the poor bugger will have no friends at all (I'm afraid his female friends have pre emptively picked me ).

I like my independence too. I like to visit my parents by myself, I like to go to be alone.

I don't think it's a problem unless the joined at the hip couples are the type to take mortal bloody offence if they don't want their other halves there.

The one that really annoys me is the family with children who all go shopping together - why can't one stay at home with the children?

This! Why? Children hate shopping, the last thing they want to do is spend family time wandering around a mall. Why doesn't one parent take them to the park while the other gets the necessities?

This with clanging bloody bells on.

First 12 years of my life, we followed this routine. Saturday. Town. Library. Supermarkets. Then I started staying at home.

I have just began to crack my parents of this routine, now I visit from 150m away, and don't want my weekends filled with the same supermarket routine.

thecats But do the women gel better with him? I suspect not if his female friends have now become yours.
I know it is not ALWAYS the case, but ime some men like to attend all women gatherings as they want to be the centre of attention and talk endlessly to the women. I hate this.

cantbearsed1 - he doesn't want to come to all women gatherings as such, he'd just rather the whole group got together more often, so he could talk to all his friends.

But yes, they happily tell me what a sweetheart he is, AND what a idiot he can be (can't think where they get that information...). The girls like to go out drinking and dancing, the guys are more stay at home.

And they talk to me more as a self-fulfilling prophecy of always going along to girl nights. It actually took me a while to get into the group, because the women used to spend the whole night out smoking, whereas none of the men do.

I actually get the sense that the guys don't have much of a feeling for him, mostly.

Wait now, what's wrong with going to bed at the same time @dustyparadeground? Is one of us supposed to sit up knackered on our own? What would that achieve?

Nothing wrong with going to bed at the same time so long as that’s the time both of you actually want to go to bed!

“ he'd just rather the whole group got together more often, so he could talk to all his friends”
So why doesn’t he organise it?

Is one of us supposed to sit up knackered on our own? What would that achieve?
I think it’s more directed at people who go to bed when their partner does, even if they’re not tired.

I worry sometimes about my DH suffering loneliness, because we do girls' nights, to which he isn't invited.

Lonely because he's on his own for a few hours?

I wonder how some people get through life at all.

I mentioned in an earlier post that my ex was suffocating in his desire to be joined to my hip. The going to bed at the same time was a thing too.

If I went up early and he didn't, that was fine. But if I wanted to stay up a bit later than him, that was definitely not fine as far as he was concerned.

I’ve just remembered as well, a woman at work was talking. About a tv show she wanted to watch. But didn’t because it’s not her DPs ‘thing’.
I don’t understand the logic at all, how can you not take turns with the TV? Or watch in separate rooms.

Or is even being in separate rooms in the same house a no no?

I don’t understand the logic at all, how can you not take turns with the TV? Or watch in separate rooms.

Watching tv alone in separate rooms seems depressing to me. As if you're shunning human company for an hour in front of a box and can't stand the sight of eachother. I know that's not the case at all but that's how it feels to me, I would hate it. We have one TV and that's it.

Very many ( and it is very many years ago ) I lived with a partner who when I had some friends round once he came down and said "I think it's time you came up to bed now Basilisk" - It was embarrassing and a wake up call to me. I think that was the moment I realised it wasn't working as he thought his idea of how things should happen was not mine but he thought his was the way. I was newly out of university and first job - sharing a house with DP - Reader I left him & am happy. But these things can be insidious - especially when young and less experience. ( he was unhappy with me going for a drink with work colleagues after work) Equally going to bed at the same time can be great & fantastic if both agree

Watching tv alone in separate rooms seems depressing to me

Me too.

Watching tv programmes that don’t interest me is far more depressing than watching tv on your own surely . I have no wish to sit through the Six Nations & my DH has no wish to watch Baptiste. Surely grown adults can agree to watch tv separately & still have a fully functioning marriage . We only have one tv but one of us will watch on catch up & read or just do something else in another room or go out whilst the other has their choice of programme. DH is out tonight, I had no wish to join him & am enjoying my own company & my own choice of tv.

I don't mind watching things he likes providing he sometimes lets me watch things and vice versa. Sometimes you even surprise yourself! My husband discovered he really enjoyed a program he wouldn't have watched without me choosing it

After 30 years of marriage I absolutely know I don’t want to sit through a rugby match .

I don't mind watching things he likes providing he sometimes lets me watch things and vice versa. Sometimes you even surprise yourself! My husband discovered he really enjoyed a program he wouldn't have watched without me choosing it

I am currently sitting through Gardeners World

Agree with you Ragwort

I wouldn't be giving up my time to watch stuff I have no interest in, and I wouldn't want my OH to do that either. We still spend plenty of time together.

I'll be watching formula 1 over the weekend and he'll either read, go for a run or play video games.

I have a friend like this. One time we were meeting for lunch in a pub and a catch up (4 of us echo hadn't seen each other for ages) and she texts 20 mins before hand that her partner and 6 year old son are coming. I did say I thought it was only us girls and so they didn't come in the end thankfully. I have nothing against partners it just changes the group dynamics

no big deal, just means they're very good friends and have a very special connection

Blimey we have two living rooms and have done for nearly two decades, one is a games room and the other main living room, and as much as we suffer through each other's programs, I've just had rhe joy of two hours of golf, I'm also more than happy of my husband goes and plays the plays station or x box or whatever and I watch something on my own.

Watching tv on your own occasionally is not a sign you can't stand the sight of your partner 🤣🤣🤣

On a serious note, it is ok. To like alone time, or to do things independently, be it the petrol station or nights out with friends, as long as you also do stuff together. It doesn't mean your marriage is in trouble, if your spouse or you chooses this.

I've read quite a lot of pages of this but not managed to read the whole thread.

I have a friend who absolutely dotes on her husband which is absolutely fine, but it's at the detriment of her own pleasure and enjoyment. If he goes out anywhere at the weekend/evening, she'll go with him even though it could mean hours of doing something she doesn't enjoy. He gets up early for work so goes to bed at 9pm on the dot every day so she does too, even though she frequently tells me she lies awake for ages because she's not tired. He has a hobby that he does a lot (that he does from home) but as it is fairly skilled she cant join in. Instead of doing her own thing she will mope around and then moan to me that she can never do anything she wants to do on evenings/weekends because of his hobby, but she wont say anything to him.

The thing is as well, I think this is all 100% driven by her, and that hes just trying to get some time away for himself!

Her moaning about the situation does my head in quite frankly!

Watching tv alone in separate rooms seems depressing to me.

Depriving yourself of an hour's entertainment because your OH doesn't have the same taste in TV is depressing to me.