Couples who do absolutely everything together

[evaperonspoodle]

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.

A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.

A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

Emilydo you have a teasmade? I'm picturing that

The one that really annoys me is the family with children who all go shopping together - why can't one stay at home with the children?

I thought this when I saw a family (who I vaguely know) shopping. Dad pulling a double buggy and pushing a trolley and the Mum holding another child’s hand. They all looked miserable. Couldn’t understand why one of them didn’t stay at home with the kids. Why put yourself through it? Sometimes I’ll take the littlest with me as he likes to help but that’s it.

Fafoutis
Ha ha.
No I don't buy when I was little my grandma had one and it scared me!
I think it was the noise it made.
I can't imagine being married to someone who I didn't sleep with I really can't imagine being happy and having separate bedrooms.
I know there can be medical reasons but otherwise it's not for me.

The one that really annoys me is the family with children who all go shopping together - why can't one stay at home with the children?

This! Why? Children hate shopping, the last thing they want to do is spend family time wandering around a mall. Why doesn't one parent take them to the park while the other gets the necessities?

My late husband always came to doctors/hospital appointments with me and vice versa. I would not have it any other way.

I am shocked that a teacher should say only one parent to attend. That is ridiculous, especially as they both need to know how their child is progressing and children need both parents to show interest in them.

If both partners want to spend all their time together and it’s mutual that’s fine. As long as it’s both what they really want. My ex had everything going for him apart from his wanting to be joined at the hip, I finished with him because he would not give me space.

I think couples doing lots together is really great and can be a sign of a healthy relationship if they have the balance right. School gate must be brilliant for kids to see both parents there. And why not share the kid and make it something more. I loathe schook hate (scared of it) so always loved it if OH came with me. Hanging out lots together also really great - reminds you regularly why you actually really like each other as friends as well as partners.

However chores can and should probably be divided and conquered.

I would have loved as a kid to see my parents do more together as I know I can remember the few times they did really vividly and positively.

What I struggle with is couples who can't do anything alone and always have to pair up with other families for every holiday, weekend, night out, walk, cinema trip etc,

What about one of my friends who when you invite her and her husband to anything their 40+ yrs old ac tags along ad well! Even if invites just name them the ac cones too. It has become embarrassing.

Some kids like going shopping.

I am going with DP to a clinic next week that is for checks for cancer. No way would I let him go alone. And I have went to the GP with him when he was just out of hospital and not good at remembering what the had told him about his latest tests. But no way would I go to a routine appointment.

I think it’s all about balence. I really like DP and we do a lot together but we do also make a point to have nights out with just friends occasionally. He plans to do a weekend away with his friends without me and our dd and I’ll likely do similar later in the year. We will do a holiday all three of us too.

I will admit we do often go to the shops with our toddler - not through it being a fun thing to do but if we are passing that way as we don’t drive it’s easier to have one of us run and get bits and the other entertain the toddler.

To some people me and my fiancé might look like that kind of couple but we genuinely share many hobbies that I don't necessarily share with local friends. We both love the performing arts, classical music, debates political talks, history, and museums so it is obvious he is my partner of choice to do these things with compared to a friend who has no interest in these topics.

That is not to say i never meet up i do probably meet up for a girly drink 2 times a year or arrange a double date with a other group of my friends 1-2 times a year. Could I meet more often? yes probably but i prefer the activities I do with him to having a cocktail evening or coffee. Time is limited so surely I should be allowed to spend my free times doing activities that bring me the most joy.

Holidays again as we have similar or identical interests our ideal holiday looks very similar. Sure we went on a cruise and I went by myself to decorate cupcakes while he relaxed in the room but other then that we spend the holiday together enjoying each others company. The same can't be said on holidays with friends or even family where I just spend most of my time being bored having to go along with activities I don't really enjoy and would not have picked myself.

We do have our own hobbies like he has his football every two weeks or boxing once a month. I certainly never stopped him going out with his friends either but he does that maybe once every 1-2 months for a big football game. I stay at home and do some creative writing or toy photography. To some people on the outside it might look like I need to do everything together when it is just that I am choosing to spend my time doing things I actually enjoy.

I haven't RTFT yet (planning to!) but I'm pleasantly taken aback by many of these responses.

So many of my DC's friend's' parents separated while they were at junior school and it's quite inspiring how content so many couples are in predominantly their own company.

I seem to enjoy my DHs company more than many of my friends enjoy their's, but I do need to have time each week on my own, either to meet with friends, exercise, shop etc or just zone out to music.

@sowing
You definitely need to rtft, some comments are jaw dropping; you have a shit marriage if you go on holiday without DH, women upset and sad if they can't sit next to DH at a meal, he's my bestest friend why would I do something without him, sharing a friends confidence with DH, taking DH on girls spa days, he's not to spend on a hobby that's for me & kids.
You'll have a chuckle 🙄😂

@Bookworm4 I guess it does depend on the employment of the poster and what their definition of holiday is. If they are working and let's say get X amount of days a year surely it would be normal to want to share these precious free days with their DH. If it's just a weekend away sure. Not saying that going on a girls holiday is bad but for many it might not be a first choice.

@moonchild
Yes these things can be taken into account, but some of it is just ott and to tell people they are bitter/jealous etc because they like to do their own thing isn't very nice. Being independent isn't a negative thing, it's nice to have apart time then you've something new to talk about.

@Bookworm4 oh yes I do agree I do 100% need my me time. I do get plenty of that. I could not work with him and spend all our free time together on top of that.

YANBU.

BIL & SIL are like this, it drives me bonkers. You are married, not Siamese twins! They have no separate hobbies, never go out with friends, only together. What do they have to talk about? And on a sadder note, as they get older and one of them is the first to go, the remaining spouse will be utterly lost without a life of their own.

I adore DH but I also love a weekend away with my girlfriends or my weekly sports class. Then I get excited about seeing him and telling him my news.

dustyparadeground

My in laws are like this, they even go to bed together...I mean at the same time

DH and I always go to bed at the same time. We always have
Well we've never suffocated each other yet

It makes good sense for, ahem, intimacy but we'll also do other things in bed such as one reading while the other watches TV.

It wasn't something we talked about, just naturally did it. DH goes out with his friends. No control or suffocation issues here.

My wife has an action plan for when I go.

She's going to get a dog.

@nometal
Tell her to get the dog just now 😉🐶
I've got 3, great stress relief walking dogs.

I think if it suits the couple then it is their choice.
Of course, not if it is one of them doing it in a controlling way - that is another ball game. I would not like a friend to bring a hubby to a girl's time thing though, because that is a choice that impacts on others.
Personally, I think too many men view the shopping and school runs as the mother's role. Shopping is boring and involves lifting. School runs are stressful, so having support in getting children to cooperate is welcome. Personally, I do like time away from hubby and children to be my own person, but my problem is actually the opposite. My hubby likes to do things on his own to such a degree that we have NO couple/family time. Seeing these couples seems to hit a chord of longing in me.
Perhaps the question you need to ask yourself is WHY it bothers you? x

"Tell her to get the dog just now"

Unfortunately, pets don't really fit with our lifestyle and we spend long periods out of the country. We had a cat adopt us but he was very independent so it worked, sort of.

I've RTWT with absolute fascination! There is a bit of "doth protest too much" in both sides with some taking the alternate opinions VERY personally.

Me and my DH are both only children so I wonder if this has an influence. We've always been used to doing things independently so are happy to do this as adults. If I suddenly announced I was going to chum him along to ScrewFix/get petrol/join boys night he'd think I'd flipped/someone was wrong. Same goes for if he wanted to come to all the same yoga classes as me/join girls nights.

We don't have many mutual friends and don't go to each other's friends gathering as would be very odd and change the dynamics. I work shifts and him 9-5 (no weekends) so I try to meet friends and do hobbies on mid week days off and him on weekends I'm working. This means we maximise the time we're both off together.

That being said I don't tend to go on holiday with anyone else, we both work long hours so I'd rather be with him. I do have some hen-dos this year though.

We also go to bed at same time - never realised this could be though of as odd!!

Each to their own but I'd be stifled if I had the relationship some people in here have.

Really?? This thread is the most boring since watching how shoe laces are made.noooooo