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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Couples who do absolutely everything together

736 replies

evaperonspoodle · 13/03/2019 16:59

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.

A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.

A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

OP posts:
celticprincess · 14/03/2019 20:18

The comment re the couple in their 50s always holding hands. What I meant by this was that they’ve never been seen together and not holding hands. I’ve no issue with couples holding hands at any age but I e genuinely only seen them together and holding hands. Neither would ever wander off to speak to anyone on the hard, it would always be both of them hand in hand. I see couples all the time who like to hold hands but they frequently drop the grip. These two never. Unless, like I said, I’ve seen her at her work.

FaFoutis · 14/03/2019 20:22

On TV programmes where they look for houses the couples always cling onto each other like they are drowning. I wonder if the director is taking the piss by making them do it.

Bluntness100 · 14/03/2019 20:22

I am curious, what came first about being so judgmental? shitty relationships and being dumped unceremoniously or never having been in a decent relationship at all

I have clearly hit a nerve, it was a genuine question. If you cannot understand socialising with a close friend or friends of your own gender on your own, it indicates the individual has no close personal friends of the same gender, so something caused that along the way.

And not that it matters, but I've been with my husband nearly thirty years, I've never been dumped, unceremoniously or otherwise and I think we would both say our marriage is good.

BatmansBoxers · 14/03/2019 20:37

What came first, a heavy reliance on one another causing other friendships to break away, or no close friendships in the first place causing a heavy reliance on each other?

Hmm

I've always had a small circle of mixed gender friends, in fact majority male. I have never seen the need for solely female friends.

brizzlemint · 14/03/2019 20:40

The one that really annoys me is the family with children who all go shopping together - why can't one stay at home with the children? It's hell taking toddlers to a supermarket and if you have two adults then one can stay home surely? Even if only one of them can drive then that one can do the shopping.

BatmansBoxers · 14/03/2019 20:43

brizzlemint one of mine loves Tesco. He will actually ask me to take him and gets excited at the prospect of a shopping trip.

Personally I prefer to shop alone because it's quicker than taking The Gang along.

brizzlemint · 14/03/2019 20:49

brizzlemint one of mine loves Tesco. He will actually ask me to take him and gets excited at the prospect of a shopping trip.

That's fair enough, it's when you get the family with the little darlings going up and down the aisles on heelies or randomly shoving the trolley all over the place or playing hide and seek that makes my blood boil.

BatmansBoxers · 14/03/2019 20:56

That annoys me too. There's no need to be a nuisance if you don't need to! Mine likes the importance of collecting the items I think. He feels really clever for going around gathering them up!

PreseaCombatir · 14/03/2019 20:57

Bluntness
Oh my god, I’m totally with you!
Judging by the general tone on here it’s a lack of in the first place I think.
I find it so so weird!
I also find it weird that you always get the ones deliberately missing the point, saying shit like ‘I don’t think it’s strange for me to like going on holiday with my husband’. Noone said it was🤦‍♀️
Also all the ‘why do you care?’ Comments? I find it odd that people never muse about things unless it directly effects them.

I also see the word miffed as meaning slightly put out, and/or bemused.
You can tell which it is by context, but I’ve definitely seen/heard it be used both ways.
Although, It’s not a word I ever use tbh

thedisorganisedmum · 14/03/2019 21:03

dear PtahNeith thank you for your lecture on what you think is or isn't a healthy relationship. You disagreeing with me doesn't mean you are right in your views or that I am wrong Grin

Thewarrenerswife · 14/03/2019 21:08

Am I the only one that sees the irony of a woman criticising other women for the amount of time they spend with their partners.... spending her sad evenings writing lengthy posts on Mumsnet 😂😂😂 Whilst I don’t do everything with my husband, I would far rather spend time with him than writing an entire dia

thedisorganisedmum · 14/03/2019 21:08

Bluntness100

I have clearly hit a nerve, it was a genuine question.
Of course it wasn't, it was a judgmental and smug comment.

You pretend that having a close relationship with a partner means having no real friends. If you speak about yourself, that's one thing, but don't make it a general rule for others who do not have that experience at all.

Some people manage to have a very close marriage AND close friends (and even close family and strong relationship with one's sisters).

The fact that it seems so impossible for some posters would explain the nasty and judgemental tone of some of the comments.

DesertSky · 14/03/2019 21:10

Not judging anyone, but going by how I feel personally - despite being married I enjoy being independent at times. I certainly do not feel ‘validated’ when I’m with my husband or that I have to be with him 24/7 (in fact that’d drive me nuts!). I actually enjoy going out and doing things on my own. That’s probably my personality though - introvert, independent and a bit of a feminist at heart! Smile

Thewarrenerswife · 14/03/2019 21:10

...diatribe about women I do not even know! Got to go now, I can hear DH coming downstairs from settling DD 😁

PinkieTuscadero · 14/03/2019 21:17

Am I the only one that sees the irony of a woman criticising other women for the amount of time they spend with their partners.... spending her sad evenings writing lengthy posts on Mumsnet

I'm not sure you understand irony. It might perhaps be considered ironic if a poster who thought people should spend their free time with their partner spent their time writing this on MN rather than spending said free time with said partner.

FaFoutis · 14/03/2019 21:20

MN is more entertaining and educational (I'm reading the Brexit threads) than holding hands with your DH on the sofa.

PinkieTuscadero · 14/03/2019 21:21

Unless that is what you meant in which case apologies. Brexit seems to have dulled my senses in the last few days!

moonfacebaby · 14/03/2019 21:25

I don’t know anyone like this - at all. Most of the people I know are pretty independent.

I’m quite fascinated that anyone would want to spend that much time with anyone (but I’m a total introvert)..

Belenus · 14/03/2019 21:29

Closer friendships don't disappear when you get married, at least not for everybody. Keep same friends, make some more along the way, and socialise as couples. Not everyone needs to go on girls night out to think they are their own person.

If a close friend of mine marries someone I barely know, then refuses to socialise without him, it changes the nature of the friendship for me. It might not for her. She may see her husband as an extension of herself, and think they should share everything. I don't see it in that way. I'd be happy to spend some time getting to know him, but that still creates a different friendship.

Socialising as a couple and socialising on your own are different. I like doing both myself. I can't imagine being with someone who would want to socialise with all the same friends as me. Some of the same friends, yes. All of them? No.

MistressDeeCee · 14/03/2019 21:39

Am I the only one that sees the irony of a woman criticising other women for the amount of time they spend with their partners.... spending her sad evenings writing lengthy posts on Mumsnet

I get what you mean. Tbh I read the OP and idly thought I wouldn't want to be so worked up about a couple's relationship that I'd do a post sneering about them. Just seems an snipy thing to do, and pretending it's light-hearted when it's not.

Tend your own grass...

emilybrontescorsett · 14/03/2019 21:41

Jaques we just both enjoy going to bed together.
I don't think it's unusual to have the same body clock.
We both get up early and are naturally ready for bed at the same time.

FaFoutis · 14/03/2019 21:51

Emily do you have a teasmade? I'm picturing that.

Ragwort · 14/03/2019 21:56

I can’t imagine going to bed at the same time as my DH, how can you both suddenly decide at exactly the same time ‘I am tired now, it must be bedtime^ Hmm. We don’t even share a bedroom, much prefer sleeping separately Grin.

BatmansBoxers · 14/03/2019 22:02

When I first moved in with DH I was shocked he didn't go to bed at the same time as me because I grew up in a house where we all did that.

Over time we've ended up somewhere similar and tend to sleep within half an hour of each other moat nights.

squeekums · 14/03/2019 22:21

The one that really annoys me is the family with children who all go shopping together - why can't one stay at home with the children? It's hell taking toddlers to a supermarket and if you have two adults then one can stay home surely? Even if only one of them can drive then that one can do the shopping.

Well in our case, I don't drive so in theory I could stay home while dp shopped but he has ptsd and struggles with the shops, so we both go, sometimes that means dd comes but we have been hard asses on her about shop behavior since she could walk so we don't contribute to the out of control kids running around shops.

We run errands together, as he drives, I deal with the people needed. We don't have a huge social circle anyway, we introverts how to happy to be home with our own company. Even our hobbies are solitary, him fishing, me gaming or online surveys, gold hunting in bush

I don't have female friends at all really, I chose to cull. I was sick of the drama, sick of the mind games and the one time I try and make a new friend she tried to move in on dp, my trust in women is bloody low in terms of "let's be friends"

I'm not seeing the big deal, some couples happy to be together all the time.