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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Couples who do absolutely everything together

736 replies

evaperonspoodle · 13/03/2019 16:59

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.

A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.

A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

OP posts:
BatmansBoxers · 14/03/2019 19:01

Yes we are but I've gone to spend time with DH in the setting of a group. So I want to spend time with him.

OlgaArsenievnaOleinik · 14/03/2019 19:04

These two are in their 50s at least and are always seen holding hands

And?

Harry719 · 14/03/2019 19:06

Me and my husband work together too - we are best friends and it's made us closer. We are able to have space with seeing friends and family separately though . It's also best to have separate hobbies

Nearly47 · 14/03/2019 19:07

I find the GP thing so personal. Only if I had a very serious illness I would want anyone there with me. But then I don't understand how people who manage to work with their partner either. Must be so hard if they have a fight. Nowhere to hideConfused

Nearly47 · 14/03/2019 19:10

Harry719
Not picking at you re working with DP. Cross postSmile

forestafantastica · 14/03/2019 19:13

DH and I aren't quite like this but probably not too far off. He can't drive for medical reasons, so I guess I would normally drive him to the GP (as otherwise it would be a long trip) and then wait there while he gets seen. We don't really have separate friends and do socialise together mostly. We often do run errands together as we'll go to the supermarket on the way to something else.

I guess we do both occasionally meet up with folk one-on-one but yeah, we mostly are a unit. Not sure why it should bother anyone though.

Ragwort · 14/03/2019 19:13

For various reasons my DH & I are spending Christmas apart this year, we’ve spent 30 Christmas Days together Grin it really doesn’t bother me in the slightest & in fact I am looking forward to celebrating in a different sort of way, but some people’s reactions are that it is the most awful thing in the world so I have now started to avoid mentioning it Confused.

HarrysOwl · 14/03/2019 19:24

But then I don't understand how people who manage to work with their partner either. Must be so hard if they have a fight.

My DH & I have our own business and we've never had a problem. We don't 'fight' because we're adults that know how to communicate without falling out.

Bluntness100 · 14/03/2019 19:31

I'm curious, for those who do not understand the concept of socialising alone with close friends of their own gender, and a few have posted it.

What came first, a heavy reliance on one another causing other friendships to break away, or no close friendships in the first place causing a heavy reliance on each other?

thedisorganisedmum · 14/03/2019 19:39

What came first, a heavy reliance on one another causing other friendships to break away, or no close friendships in the first place causing a heavy reliance on each other?

Hmm I am curious, what came first about being so judgmental? shitty relationships and being dumped unceremoniously or never having been in a decent relationship at all?

Closer friendships don't disappear when you get married, at least not for everybody. Keep same friends, make some more along the way, and socialise as couples. Not everyone needs to go on girls night out to think they are their own person.

PinkieTuscadero · 14/03/2019 19:42

Stifling.

Accountant222 · 14/03/2019 19:43

I know a few couples that are joined at the hip, I don't get it at all. DH niece is the same but she's so opinionated and weird, I don't think anyone else would put up with her.

OlgaArsenievnaOleinik · 14/03/2019 19:45

Bluntness - you are awfully condescending. Really awful.

PinkieTuscadero · 14/03/2019 19:47

I see we've already had the 'it's fine to betray friends' confidences to one's partner' posts. Hideous way to behave.

di2004 · 14/03/2019 19:48

eva I’m with you on this one. Some couples need to get a life.

PtahNeith · 14/03/2019 19:51

I don't know anyone who wouldn't tell their partner. They might not bother to, because it's too uninteresting to repeat, but there's no reason why they should hide something from them.

If you do not understand the distinction between privacy and dishonesty - and it is an important and significant distinction - then you do not understand what healthy relationships look like and are not qualified to pontificate about it being offensive of others to list the traits of unhealthy relationships.

But nobody wants to have that pointed out, so I don't expect you to take any notice of me. It's not offensive to explain facts, though, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. That discomfort isn't because they're being unpleasant, it's because their observations are challenging your worldview.

There is nothing wrong at all with wanting to spend time with your partner in lots of different settings and circumstances. Of course there isn't. It's kind of why people form relationships with others.

But not knowing what a healthy relationship is and assuming a position of superiority to defend unhealthy, co-dependent ones is incredibly sad.

I don't feel sad for people who enjoy their partner's company, and I don't feel sad for people who enjoy time with others. I do feel sad for people whose understanding of what makes a healthy relationship is fundamentally skewed.

winniestone37 · 14/03/2019 19:53

mumsnet thteads that pertain to be light hearted but are really about judging other people in a negative light whilst taking sod all responsability. The most worrying part of this whole thread is you felt compelled to write it.

greenergrass3 · 14/03/2019 20:07

Name changed for this.

Pils were like this and it was suffocating. The same thing, going to the shops or countryside but no hobbies or social circle. They were horrified if you suggested joining something. They were very intense and sometimes talked rubbish. She had very few gfs she could meet up with and was so different to my dm. I think they were controlling towards each other and everything revolved around their dcs

Fil died and mil is on her own. She still seems to be self contained but talks incessantly. Just couldn't understand why they were so insular,

manicmij · 14/03/2019 20:07

Perhaps it's the other party wants to be with their partner.

emilybrontescorsett · 14/03/2019 20:08

Dp and I always sit together when We go out, Id never consider not sitting together.
We also always go to bed together at the same time.

JacquesHammer · 14/03/2019 20:09

We also always go to bed together at the same time

Was it good luck that your body clocks happened to sync or have you “trained” each other? (Genuine question!)

Original poster
evaperonspoodle · 14/03/2019 20:11

mumsnet thteads that pertain to be light hearted but are really about judging other people in a negative light whilst taking sod all responsability. The most worrying part of this whole thread is you felt compelled to write it

Sorry winnie but this actually made me lol. This thread (which was supposed to be light hearted Hmm) has taken quite an odd turn which is why I have refrained from posting again. What sort of responsibility would you like me to take? I personally think the most worrying part of the thread is that I have been miss-using the word miffed for nearly 40 years Grin Although I acknowledged that on page 2 posters are still going on about it on page 20 Hmm

Anyway this thread has been really interesting. Different strokes for different folks. Just to clarify that I haven't lost any sleep over this issue, nor have I been bitchy, mean, judgy, looking down on others, worrying about it or any of the other accusations that I have been castigated for. I'm off now shopping with my DH and dc so enjoy the evening, with or without the DP Smile

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 14/03/2019 20:12

These two are in their 50s at least and are always seen holding hands

I'm 55, sometimes me & DP hold hands when we're out. Who knew there was a cut-off age for this🙄

If a couple are happy spending most of their time together and that galls another person, then that person is jealous or a judgy pants in general. It's not your relationship, mind your own business.

The only exception to this for me would be a girls night out, whereby a friend always wanted her husband there despite knowing he will be the only man. It changes the dynamic and I'd look askance at that.

Anything else though, it's up to them. Doesn't involve me, why should I care.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/03/2019 20:13

"Dp and I always sit together when We go out, Id never consider not sitting together."

I think that's fine if you can choose, but I HATE the way single people are expected to move from their preferred seats so that couples who live together can sit together.

FaFoutis · 14/03/2019 20:16

I would be judging people whether this thread was here or not.