Couples who do absolutely everything together

[evaperonspoodle]

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.

A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.

A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

I see this with my Grandparents. My nan literally knows how long it takes my grandad to go get the paper from the shop in the morning and rings him if he diverts from that routine. If they are ever in hospital they go in and sit by each others bed in silence, all day. The problem is, he talks over her and goes into her GP apts, where I imagine this happens too. But it's their relationship?

I couldn't bare it. I need my space away from my partner, as much as I love him, we dont live in each others pockets. We have separate friends, hobbies, jobs, but it makes those holidays when its just the two of us even more special.

I cant abide when a partner 'tags along'. For me, it shows a complete disregard for the group dynamic on both the friend and their partner, and is a bit selfish.

I think this is strange too.
I know couples like this and it's generally 1 of two things.
1.they lack confidence, eventually 2 become 1 and they aren't there own person anymore. Comes crashing down if/when it ends.

1. One of them was unfaithful. Cue joint facebook pages and only couples nights out.

Yes upset. I want to enjoy a night out and my husband is part of that, if I wanted to go without him I would have done! I hate hate hate it when people mix everyone up "to socialise".

@Cinnamonhazelnut lmao, I find that hilarious.

I totally agree- it can be a hindrance to friendships when the spouse always has to come along. I have this with one friend- even wanted her husband to come on a ladies drinks party at my house. I very clearly had to say no, as the dynamic of the night is changed. Recently took her out for a special lunch for her birthday. I invited her, told her my treat for your birthday and I would collect you too. She asked if her DH could come. Umm - no. I had been specific in my invitation so I did have to say no, just us girls. She wears the trousers in their relationship too!

Yes yabu, unless it directly effects you why in earth would you be miffed? Strange

Me & DH are 'Joined at the hip' we do everything together BUT I wouldn't bring him to a girls day, or come to the door with him😂 thats just OTT! He used to come to the GP with me but he would sit in the waiting room. But we do go to most places together 🤷🏻‍♀️ some people are just creepy and others just enjoy each others company...

I want to enjoy a night out and my husband is part of that, if I wanted to go without him I would have done!

It’s not without him. So you’re saying if you’re sitting at the same table, just not next to each other you’d be “upset”?

I would be Jaques yes, because we are a couple not separate mates.

I would be Jaques yes, because we are a couple not separate mates.

What would you do if your husband said he wanted to sit separately?

I'd be a bit upset too batmansboxers I get what you mean. We dont often get to go out because we've got two young kids... if we went somewhere and were asked to spend the evening sitting separately I'd not be that pleased about it tbh.

Batmans that sounds intense. What would you do if he had to go away for a few weeks for work or something?

Yes I know what you mean!

I dont mind if people say go along with their partner getting petrol or whatever but I hate when their partner constantly tags along when doing things with friends.

I used to go out with friends to the pub quite often and one friend would ALWAYS bring her partner. So annoying as it's just not the same, it really changes the dynamic of an evening!

I can understand going on holiday. I can even understand going food shopping as you can make joint choices. But we also have a couple who drop and pick up their kids together. Now if I could have sent the ex DH out on the school run and grab a bit of time myself I’d jump at that. It’s not a 2 person job. These two are in their 50s at least and are always seen holding hands. The only time I’ve seen her on her own is when I’ve seen her at her place of work!! It’s either being smug or controlling!! Not sure which. I also don’t see the point in the petrol trip either or the nipping our for something unless one was the only driver. I also have a friend who I’ve arranged to meet for narrator lunch expecting a girly chat and she turns up with her DH. I’m single so it always makes me feel a bit annoyed, not jealous. I’ve been out with them to things often where I would expect him to come too.

Yes, I agree OP. Very annoying! My DB has started doing this. If I arrange to see him, he always turns up with his moany DP and I hate it. I don’t enjoy her company much, she’s really hard work. I think he feels guilty that he works away during the week so tries to make up for it at the weekend. And I think she probably guilt trips him into not doing anything independently from her at the weekends and he goes along with it for a quiet life. It’s sad though coz it means I avoid arranging to see him as I really would like not to have to listen to her going on about the latest person she’s got upset with!
Me and my DH have our own friends and our joint friends. We do some stuff together but plenty apart. I love being independent. Can’t bear the thought of being one of those old couples who do everything together and have all the same likes/dislikes! Tell the same anecdotes. Hold the same views. Ugh, each to their own but it’s definitely not for me!!

Ribbons yes my time is precious and I'd rather spend it together.

If he wanted to sit desperately I'd be confused because that's unusual to me and he's never expressed a wish to do so before.

I would be Jaques yes, because we are a couple not separate mates

You know you’re still a couple if you sit two people apart?

I genuinely don’t find many of the examples on this thread unusual, apart from this. It seems just suffocating.

I don’t get it... I would be feeling asfixiantes, monitored, controlled and... sitting outside in the car for ages before he notices I have arrived home, just to have some space for myself.

Oh, wait...

I would be upset if I was seated next to dp at a dinner. I can do that at home! To quote James Blake “Let’s go home and talk shit about everybody”. The nightcap and the post mortem is the best bit of an evening out- and that’s no fun if we’ve talked to all the same people!

Droping or picking up the kids together is weird, unles they are sharing a car or both unemployed.

“I would be feeling asfixiantes”
I am sure I would be too. It’s a wonderful word and I know exactly what it means.

@JacquesHammer turns out people are all different and what you may find suffocating someone else might like.

turns out people are all different and what you may find suffocating someone else might like

Well yeah, hence why I was giving my opinion. Isn’t that the point? Or would you rather we all sycophantically agreed?

First time I've ever commented so apologies if I don't do all the acronyms! It doesn't miff me (each to their own), but it's not for me. My DH(?) and I rarely go anywhere together because we enjoy different things. He loves fishing so he goes off on fishing holidays and I take the kids (17 and 21) away. He watches TV upstairs and I sit downstairs. I'm going to a family wedding without him in summer. But that suits us and we never fall out. It would drive me bandy if he wanted to do everything with me 😂

@JaquesHammer it just looked to me like you were picking on an individual posters desire to sit next to her partner rather than posting a general opinion but I apologise of that was not the case.

If both members of a couple are happy with something then I dont think it can be described as suffocating.
If it were one forcing it on another then maybe it could.