Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Couples who do absolutely everything together

736 replies

evaperonspoodle · 13/03/2019 16:59

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.

A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.

A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

OP posts:
BatmansBoxers · 14/03/2019 17:06

One thing I always find strange is that, when we go out to pubs for meals with family, DS & BILs and DB & SIL always sit next to each other whereas we always sit away from each other

I'd be upset if I couldn't sit by my husband at a meal.

BertrandRussell · 14/03/2019 17:11

“I'd be upset if I couldn't sit by my husband at a meal“

Blimey, really? Nobody ever sits next to their partner in my circle of friends and acquaintances. Traditionally you could only sit together for the first 6 months after your wedding anyway!

choli · 14/03/2019 17:12

I'd be upset if I couldn't sit by my husband at a meal.
Why?

Spiritinabody · 14/03/2019 17:13

Ribbonsonabox

I totally agree with your view.

thedisorganisedmum

"It would feeling suffocating if neither of us was allowed to go anywhere on his own*

Allowed? The only person who allows me to do anything is me Grin

Andylion · 14/03/2019 17:15

It would seem nasty to leave him at home and I wouldn't have as much fun, so I'd decline a "girls only" holiday (which sounds awful actually).

Awful? I like my friends. Spending time with them is not awful.

I suspect some posters who don't like "girls only" meetups assume they are just women getting together to get drunk. Getting together with your friends, male and female, without your DH can be anything, coffee, lunch a movie, a trip.

ScreamingValenta · 14/03/2019 17:15

I'd be disappointed if I were seated beside my husband at a meal with others. Not because I don't like him, just because it would seem a waste of going out with other people to spend the time talking to someone I can talk to whenever I want at home.

Magenta82 · 14/03/2019 17:22

I have a friend who I sometime meet for lunch, randomly and without warning her husband will sometimes accompany her.

It's not that I don't like him, its just that I wish she would warn me. It is really unnerving to be prepared for one kind of lunch conversation and have to have a different one.

She seems to think that if he is around then obviously he should join us. It means that I tend not to reach out to her when I need support because I don't know if I will be able to talk to her.

JacquesHammer · 14/03/2019 17:24

I'd be upset if I couldn't sit by my husband at a meal

Really? Upset? You’d be sitting at the same table Confused

Wills · 14/03/2019 17:24

I've not read all the way through, but my dh would definitely like us to be like this. I take the mikey by calling him Kevin from the advert "We want to be together". It often drives me nuts. The funniest bit is when he was to go DIY shopping and I refuse to go!

weddingmad · 14/03/2019 17:27

Yeah you are AIBU to be miffed it's up to them

Rtruth · 14/03/2019 17:32

Sounds weird to me. If it’s a girls get together why would anyone bring their male partner!!!
I’d say I’d be concerned but you know the ppl involved but doctors together? That’s just bizarre

dustyparadeground · 14/03/2019 17:32

Not sure its unreasonable but its definitely a bit weird. My in laws are like this, they even go to bed together ...I mean at the same time. Suffocating.

Turnitaroundagain · 14/03/2019 17:35

I know a couple who were like that and they can’t stand each other now. Control issues.

Liketoshop · 14/03/2019 17:38

Sadly it's a culture that's arisen. Some people can't make a decision without their partner.
On the flip side, it's a very worrying matter with a controlling partner (mostly men) when women are accompanied everywhere by their man as he's worried she might become a bit independent rather than co-dependent.
Always remember that in healthcare, the duty of care is to the patient Not their partner and any discussion should always be between the partner and clinician and if the partner dominates, clinician should tell them to shut up basically! They usually do as their control has been challenged.

RosieFree · 14/03/2019 17:39

I don’t see the issue with collecting kids from school together or going to the go together. But couples should be able to be apart from one another when seeing friends especially if you plan to meet you girls or he’s meeting his guy friends.

Certain situations it’s fine, others it’s weird

AlexaAmbidextra · 14/03/2019 17:47

Always remember that in healthcare, the duty of care is to the patient Not their partner and any discussion should always be between the partner and clinician and if the partner dominates, clinician should tell them to shut up basically!

This would always annoy me when undertaking clinical assessments. I used to try to see women on their own but sometimes it wasn’t possible. I’d be asking her questions and so many times DH/DP would answer, not allowing her to speak. I don’t care whether you think she’s depressed mate. 🙄 I need to know how she feels. I used to politely tell them that I wasn’t asking them. On occasion I had to ask men to leave the room as they were so disruptive. In the vast majority of cases the women were glad I’d done so.

Virgo28 · 14/03/2019 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadeInUSA · 14/03/2019 17:49

Things aren't always what they seem. I went everywhere with my exH because he was mega controlling and wouldn't let me go anywhere on my own. If I did, he followed me. Hence ex.

Virgo28 · 14/03/2019 17:49

Sorry thought I was starting a new thread please ignore - admin can you please delete? Thanks

Bozlem80 · 14/03/2019 17:52

There is a couple whose child goes to my ds school & they are joined at the hip they also wear the same trainers & tracksuit I just find it funny, one of the mums at my ds school actually asked if me & my dh are still together as they never see him in the playground, I suppose each to their own.

Nearly47 · 14/03/2019 17:55

I don't get it either. I enjoy my DH company but I'd miss being alone with other people.
I had a friend like this and I absolutely hated it. Her DH was always there.
She would it was because they were so perfect together. But there was definitely a control issue. Joint email accounts, he had access to her Facebook page and always saying that they told each everything.
She left him in the end and told me that it was because he was too controlling. But of course there are couples that simply can't get enough of each other Smile

HelloDarlin · 14/03/2019 18:01

Every couple is different. We were v independent before marriage, so we’re the same now. Need space from each other, socialize separately.
I have friends who were lonely / possessive with friends & family, always needing company. And they were the same when they got hitched.
Works if both people in the couple are the same. I know that I ran a mile from fellas who tried to own my time...

PH03b3 · 14/03/2019 18:03

I take dh into the gp with me he is much better at taking medical advice in than me

Catsinthecupboard · 14/03/2019 18:05

I was pretty much neglected as a child. I am independent and I married an independent man who cherishes me. We married in late 20s. After 30 years, he still opens my car door and gives me a kiss.

We do many things together. Tbh my dh isn't very good in social situations and I'm happy to do things with him as when you're older, it's more difficult to make friends.

We've moved several times and I lost my family. We're each other's best friends, although we have friends of our own.

He goes with me to my gp. I am sick with a chronic illness (that isn't apparent by looking at me) and i appreciate his support. When I was very sick, I needed him to drive me bc I was not able to under drs orders.

Even to things at schools that I would have gone to by myself before I needed him.

He would never go to a luncheon with me and my friends and i wouldn't want to go with him.

I think that everyone is different and you don't know what is really going on in other people's lives.

Tiggy321 · 14/03/2019 18:07

I find it annoying too! I would rather not do anything with my husband but that is a reflection on our currently very poor relationship. But in happier times I’ve always done lots of things, meet friends etc and go away with them alone. Him too. It’s called independence. But each to their own!