Couples who do absolutely everything together

[evaperonspoodle]

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.

A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.

A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

@evaperonspoodle
Ok but why is school pick ups an issue?

I do pretty much everything with my boyfriend (partly as I can't drive so he has to drive me to appointments sometimes!) but we're not 'joined at the hip'. We spend a lot of time together as we have a laugh and love being together but we're both just as happy to do things separately.

I would be a bit weirded out if he wanted to come into my doctors or dentist appointments with me though!

YABU. It's not really any of your business if couples want to do most stuff together, and I find it weird that you - or anyone else - is bothered by it. My DH is my best friend; I know some people find that weird/sad/cheesy etc, but quite honestly I don't care. In my experience, the people who are most judgy about this, are just jealous, and a bit bitter that they don't have the same kind of relationship. They won't admit they are, because they don't realise they are, but they are......

Like a few people, I know some couples who work 9 to 5 Monday to Friday, and do individual hobby groups a couple of evenings a week, and go to the gym or badminton etc with their own individual mates (and not each other.) Then he spends all day Saturday at footie or golf, and she goes to her mum's or out with her friends (or the kids if they have any.)

I think that is WAY more odd and strange than couples who do loads of stuff/most things together.

That said, I would never take my husband along when I arrange to meet a friend for coffee or lunch (or expect her to bring her husband.) And I would not go along with him when he is meeting a mate for a drink. That's a bit weird.

Also, I think sharing a facebook page is beyond bizarre. I also do the food shopping and bill paying alone whilst DH is at work, as he works longer hours than me, and I have more free time.

I do often go out with DH when he goes to the doctor, (and he sometimes comes out when I go,) but it's because we live 5 miles from the surgery, and it's in the centre of town, (where all the shops and everything is.) So we go together and kill 3 or 4 birds with one stone - pay a bill or two, get some milk and bread, do any banking we need to do, go to the post office etc etc...

I don't go in with him to actually see the doctor however, and he doesn't come in with me. He does like me to accompany him to hospital and clinic appointments because he gets anxious on his own. I prefer to go to such things alone though.

But yes, we do do quite a lot of stuff as a couple. And we always go on holiday together/on day trips together. We are a happily married couple of almost 30 years, who are very much in love, and care deeply for one another. Why wouldn't we?

Why do you care yourself? I love how posters are not allowed to respond and have an opposite opinion because it spoils the bitchiness.

The only bit I care about is the passing on stuff that has been told in confidence - I think that is wrong BUT as you choose to go everywhere with your husband I doubt friends would confide in you anyway as they would know you would tell him.

Sorry but as Shakespeare said 'the lady doth protest too much' comes to mind here.

Sorry. That last post was to Disorganised mum.

So you Do meet other mums for coffee? Outside of your house. Without your Dh?

It doesn't sound like such a happy relationship if you would want to go away without him.

Disorganised. I don’t have to twist your words. This is what you wrote. Doesn’t matter whether you were replying to someone else. You clearly state that in your opinion, if someone wants to go away without their husband/partner then their relationship is not a happy one. You made this statement so don’t then try to say your words are being twisted.

In my experience, the people who are most judgy about this, are just jealous, and a bit bitter

I have found this true in my experience with one friend in particular; though I'm sure there are lots of posters who simply are just happier with a different balance in their relationship.

There really isn't a right or wrong if you're happy, but all these judgy people looking down on anyone 'different' to their own experiences are really outing themselves.

@AlexaAmbidextra

Just because you apparently have to share every single thing with your husband, including your friend’s confidences, you don’t necessarily have a closer, better or more loving relationship than people who operate more independently. It doesn’t mean you have an unhappy relationship just because you’re happy to do things separately.

I agree that people who spend lots of time together don't always necessarily have better relationships than those who do not, but I stand by what I say, that people who judge couples for spending lots of time together (and doing lots of stuff together,) are often (in my experience) a bit jealous.

Otherwise, why judge and sneer?

Totally understand this and i get everyones opinions. But some couples might just enjoy each others company? My partner and i go a lot of places together, but under no circumstances do i agree with people bringing other halves to dates with friends. My best friend use to do it all the time and they would sit and argue whilst i sat listening when it should have been a girly thing. Ultimate pet hate!

@HarrysOwl

There really isn't a right or wrong if you're happy, but all these judgy people looking down on anyone 'different' to their own experiences are really outing themselves.

Agree with this.

I have been on the receiving end of some very spiteful and bitchy comments about mine and DH's relationship (and how close we are.) And it's always from people (women usually) who rarely see their partner/husband, who have completely separate hobbies and interests, and whose partner/husband goes away a lot without them.

I don't judge and sneer at them for this, so why judge me (and my DH) and sneer at us?

Bitter and jealous. Pure and simple.

The main concern I would have for them is that, hopefully many years away though, one of them will die first. The other may find their life beyond there even more difficult than most find after bereavement.

Dh works from home a few days a week so likes to come to drop off/pick ups. I find it odd that we go together but dh says that his parents never collected him together and always thought it would be nice. I don’t think we are joined at the hip but i guess this is what you mean.

AlexaAmbidextra
I know what I wrote, but again, don't twist my words and do not take them out of context.
If you tell me it's wrong not to spend holidays without my DH, I will reply that you can't have a happy relationship with yours if you don't want to spend time with him.

How you spend your holidays is something that I honestly don't care about one bit and have 0 opinion about. I am amazed that anyone would have anything to say if you go alone, with girlfriends, with your grand-parents or your postman. But if you start making nasty judgments about mine, I can find plenty to reply and show you how judgements work.

Do you get my point better?

I’m in a long distance relationship so it’s not possible to spend 24/7 together! He’s my favourite person in the world and time together is precious. However, even though we have longish periods apart the thought of nipping our to get petrol together or him coming to the GP with me just doesn’t cross my mind!

I don’t understand the ‘of course we do because he’s my best friend’ argument. If you weren’t in a relationship would you do the weekly shop/petrol trip with whoever you saw as your best friend?

Each to their own but for me, that would be suffocating, limiting and, well, a bit weird.

And if I found out a friend had told her DH something I’d shared in confidence I’d be evaluating that friendship pretty sharpish!

Disorganised, please respond to my last 2 posts, both of which were to You.

someone is your friend not your husbands, what an incredibly insular life. It's not the 1950s.

I find the attitude that you can't also be friends with your friends DHs (and then all be friends with your DH!) much more '1950s'. Men and women can be friends! Some of my best friend are married to each other, I want to spend time with them both.

There is nothing like a good oul chat about things you'd never ever discuss with men present !

I can't think of anything is be interested in discussing that I couldn't/wouldn't talk about with my friends who happen to be male. And I've been to plenty of 'girls nights' and not noticed anything in particular that only women talk about (with the possible exception of one very tedious woman at a hen night who went on about the trials of having large breasts, which frankly is a conversation I could have lived happily without).

I'd hate it, I had a week of not being able to leave the flat on my own because I'd been very nearly sexually assaulted and I nearly went mad, then my ex got really clingy when I started going to church (while having his own hobbies that meant I was left alone for hours at a time of an evening. Ah, bliss!) It also took a while to convince him I needed my own space when I got home from work because I was mentally exhausted from having to be around people all day. (I now live in a houseshare and avoid my housemates like the plague!)

There’s no one in the world I’d rather spend time with than my husband, we generally do most things together and we each put the other first. As well as everything else he is to me he’s my best friend.

That said, he’d never tag along to a meet up with my friends, and vice versa, and if they came round, he’d say a polite hello for ten minutes and then disappear in the other room to do his own thing. I’d find it a bit wierd if he tagged along to meet ups where the other partners weren’t present!

Personally I don’t understand couples who barely spend any time together but each to their own of course.

The worst people are the ones who can't do anything without their poxy children .. drives me nuts when I invite a couple for dinner and they bring their kids ffs .. mine are upstairs or asleep . I love my kids of course but I want adult time in the evening . !

I've got friends who literally share a single phone. I can't text or call her because I never know who is going to read the message, or who has replied for that matter, I have to guess from the tone! They have separate facebook accounts but they both use them to just say sickenly sweet things about each other all day. Its weird and out of whack with what is considered normal and appropriate in our circles and our friendships have definitely suffered as a result. I think they judge everyone else as not having as good a relationship as them, but I am not sure anyone else wants a relationship like that - one phone!

So you Do meet other mums for coffee? Outside of your house. Without your Dh?

sorry Oblomov19, but why are we talking about mums now?

But if you are that interested, I did pop out for a coffee downstairs with a good friend mid afternoon and I didn't ring DH to ask for his permission or to ask him to join us
She is in my HR team so we do spend a lot of time bitching about other colleagues - she has no kid though, so does that count?

The worst people are the ones who can't do anything without their poxy children

This^

(Why is that ? Scared people might forget or not know they've got kids/are parents ?) They had those kids for a reason, y'know.

I would say puzzled yes.
I don’t necessarily like my friends’s husbands so I don’t need to see them when meeting up with my friends.

I agree that people who spend lots of time together don't always necessarily have better relationships than those who do not, but I stand by what I say, that people who judge couples for spending lots of time together (and doing lots of stuff together,) are often (in my experience) a bit jealous. Otherwise, why judge and sneer?

americandream. I am not judging or sneering. I am merely challenging a poster who has made the sweeping generalisation that if couples holiday apart then their relationship can’t be happy. I don’t care what they do. But I do care when people make ridiculous assertions because they refuse to understand that not everyone is the same as them.

Me and DH do most things together, we just get on extremely well and I have the most fun when I’m with him, so if there’s something I wanna do I’ll usually ask him to tag along. However, we both have our own space when we need it and go out separately with our friends. As long as everyone is happy I don’t see the problem, it isn’t your relationship so it isn’t affecting you