To ask you about the times your brain has completely betrayed you and made you look a fool!

[SweetMangoPie]

I've just very nearly told a client I loved them at the end of a phone call because I'm so used to saying it to DH and now I feel all flustered.

I regularly have little brain farts like this. Quite often if I'm waiting on hold for someone to pick up the phone at work I end up drifting off and when they do finally pick up, I answer as if they've called me.. 'Good afternoon, SweetMangos Workplace, Can I help?' ... Cue awkward silence.

Tell me some of your stupid brain moments!

I had to take dd to a&e and every time I was asked for her dob I just stood there like a total plank trying to work it out. (Both dc are 23rd but obvs dif year and month) and I knew them both but couldn't for the life of me work out which one was hers) they clearly thought I was the shittest mother ever for not only letting a 2 year old break her leg but also not having a clue of her dob.

Also on school run with new dd (poor kid it's always her) someone came up and said congratulations what's her name?

Me" aww thank you it's xxxx"
Her "ah that's a lovely name"
Me ...long pause... "I don't know why I said that, it's not xxxx it's actually xxxxx"
Her oh..ok then...

It was was so damn awkward why couldn't she have just laughed instead of thinking I was demented.

This thread has had me properly laughing out loud this morning. So glad I am not the only one!

I once gave my work's postcode phonetically to a client on the phone and said N was for naughty naughty, didn't live that one down for a while.

I'm also glad to find I am not the only one who forgets Their children's DOBs! It is always mortifying!

Mine was this morning!

Dreaming this guy who was my best friend, had brain surgery and was lying in the road. I’m holding his head telling people to call 999.

Then this noise and words was everywhere. I realised Alexa was going off as my alarm with music. But words was coming from the other side. So I rolled over and this voice is shouting ‘hello’ from my phone, so I’m trying to grab it and shut the noise off when I realised it was 999, great the ambulance! I hit decline, and it says ‘countdown to calling your emergency contacts’ I thought I don’t want them, so shut that off too.

I then rolled back over, half awake, and thought ‘shit was that really 999?’ Looked at my phone- yes 🙈🙈🙈🙈 I thought it was all happening in my dream! Spent the next few hours dreading a knock at the door. I’m hoping they could here me shouting at ‘alexa Turn the alarm off’ and realised what happened.

In case not, and you were that 999 person- I am so sorry!!!!

I once said to my completely bald boss (he shaves his head) that his hair looked nice I have no idea why I said that

Few years ago I had a small team of builders working on a large refurbishment project on my house , nobody's phone worked as it was right out in the sticks so any telephone orders they needed for supplies they used my landline to order through
One day the phone rang and a company who they had ordered from wanted clarification on part of the order
I answered hello followed by the property name and the person calling said who he was and could he speak to my dad ? ( apparently I have a little girls voice on the phone ) So I trotted out to the yard with the phone and said "ok which of you men is my dad today ? "

I had a patient who was screaming about how they were going to discharge themselves so I went to say 'That's fine, you're free to go i'm not a prison officer'

Except I said 'That's fine, you're free to go i'm not a stripper'

I have absolutely no idea why I said that.

Another one, but the other person was the one that was mortified.

I answered the phone. The person on the other end said 'hello, can I speak to your dad please'
I recognised the voice as a complete twat that my ex was friends with, so I replied honestly.

'no, my dad is dead'

Cue laughter on the other end of the phone 'yeah yeah, very funny'.

'my dad died 3 weeks ago. I'm glad you find it funny'.

He then twigged he was speaking to me and not my daughter... He tried to apologise but was, however, a complete arse in general so I just hung up the phone and didn't answer when he rang back.

Oh I just remembered an awful one!

When I worked in theatre we had a case for "removal of foreign body from rectum" the male patient was very embarrassed as we checked all his details and as we began to trundle him up the corridor to the anaesthetic room he said something about his plans for today being ruined because of "a moment of madness with the wife".

My reply while trying to be sympathetic to his ruined day was -

"ocht, that's a right pain in the bum"

The other nurse was purple from trying not to laugh. Swallow me up ground!!!

The mince fruit was soaking in rum for two weeks so there would have been a bit. I hadn't eaten and am a light weight, I think it might have made my daughter sick.

Had a major brain fart today. Was visiting my parents and opened the door to a double glazing salesman, prepared to use our stock excuse of an impending house move.

"Thanks, but we're not interested. My parents are quite elderly and probably won't be here for much longer."

I shit you not

Had to do some rapid explaining when the blokes face went .

I had just found a new hairdresser, and we were still in that awkward "first date" kind of state where you're achingly polite while you suss each other out stage.

He asked me about my parents (he's a hairdresser, of course he did)

I looked up and, for reasons I've never actually been able to fathom, gaily announced "oh, both my parents are dead" (they weren't)

I'm not sure who was the most mortified by that little exchange, if he hadn't been such a good hairdresser I would have simply gone elsewhere. As it was I simply brazened it out and spoke about my parents completely normally on every subsequent haircut, while he simply looked confused

Oh my! I've found my people! Thank you for the best laugh this week. I'm snorting and wiping tears from my face!

Treacherous good to know I'm not the only one inadvertently killing off my parents...

These are amazing! My latest was when I had to take my 4 year old to hospital as she’d fallen flat on her face and cut her head. I got her up to the reception - all going fine until they ask her date of birth. I merrily announce 7th May 2018.

Didn’t click even when the lady was staring at me bemusedly and said slowly, “so she’s... ten months old?”

I wanted the floor to swallow me up as I hastily said, “no, no sorry that’s my youngest’s birthday not this one. Hers is...” and then I blanked AGAIN! Finally managed to remember it but I felt like the worst mum in the world! Especially when my four year old said “silly mummy” in a very long-suffering tone.

I was on my way out and my neighbour started to chat. I said "sorry I can't stop, I hoping to get another cunt on the ceiling before it goes dark". I meant to say coat of paint, as I was on my way to buy some more.

I was doing some work for a client in their home, this particular day she had friends over- 4-5 elderly gentlemen and their wives having coffee.
She was telling me how many bright and intelligent people were born and brought up in the tiny village I'd moved into 10 years before.
Well I've never met one" was my reply. 🤦‍♀️She proceeded to introduce me to the people having coffee that were all from my village...