To ask you about the times your brain has completely betrayed you and made you look a fool!

[SweetMangoPie]

I've just very nearly told a client I loved them at the end of a phone call because I'm so used to saying it to DH and now I feel all flustered.

I regularly have little brain farts like this. Quite often if I'm waiting on hold for someone to pick up the phone at work I end up drifting off and when they do finally pick up, I answer as if they've called me.. 'Good afternoon, SweetMangos Workplace, Can I help?' ... Cue awkward silence.

Tell me some of your stupid brain moments!

Slightly morbid ones from me, but they made me laugh and the first one had my dad laughing too.

When my dad was seriously ill my father in law came to stay. We normally get on well but my patience was low and he was driving me round the twist. The night he left I went for drinks with a friend and she said 'how's the dad?' 'he's finally gone' I reply completely calmly. One look at her face and I realise she meant my dad.

After he died my boss did a return to work meeting. 'How are you doing?' he asks. 'life goes on' I reply, 'er... I mean for everyone else'.

I finished an email to a client with 'see you next tuesday'.

I said 'ning ning' at work meaning a car as it's what my DS calls cars and all he had been babbling all morning.
Very embarrassing but a good laugh for everyone else!

I once had a job interview with a panel of three. I had to give a presentation on the nature of addiction which went reasonably well. However at the end of the presentation I told a joke. I’ve got no idea why, it just popped into my head. It was a fairly funny joke I thought but nobody laughed. The interview drew to a close and I walked out wondering why oh why oh why.

Littletabby just after my dad died suddenly, an old neighbour who I hadn’t seen in a while and didn’t know about it asked how he was. I was caught totally on the hop, burst out laughing and said bluntly “oh! he’s dead!” I then proceeded to get the giggles at how utterly surreal and inappropriate it was, while she just stared at me while I tried to compose myself...... strangely we never kept in touch

I pinched my husband's bum in the supermarket. It wasn't my husband. Cringe.

Omg I am in tears at some of these. I know I have loads, but can't think of any at the moment.

This is actually something that my mum did but it still makes me howl...

She had to get the bus back from work as her car had broken down unexpectedly. She said she had actually quite enjoyed the hour long journey and been chatting to a few of the other passengers and having a laugh. When she got in through the front door - a walk through a fairly busy area - she saw herself in the mirror and realised that she must have used her red lipstick as a bit of blusher, but FORGOTTEN TO SMUDGE IT IN, and therefore had spent the entire bus journey chatting away whilst looking like Looby Lou. Everybody must have thought she was nuts

I had just started a new role at work which involved attending structured meetings and I wasn’t familiar with the ins and outs and was really nervous . At the start of the first meeting the head boss began with the usual run through of who hadn’t been able to attend:

Boss: “Ok, we’ll start: Apologies......

Me: “It’s ok!”

I have no idea what I had thought he was apologising for and I realised pretty much as soon as the words left my mouth he wasn’t apologising! 🤦‍♀️ Omg.

The room was silent thankfully everyone had the decency to ignore me!
I still cringe at the start of every meeting even now 🥴

The one that will always make me laugh is one of my mums:
A few years back my brother happened to bear a passing resemblance to Brad Pitt. And I mean ^^passing- he was hardly a lookalike. But someone had sent my mum one particular photo of Brad where the resemblance was strongest.
Around that time my cousins new girlfriend started a job where my mum worked and my mum spent time politely chatting to her on her first day telling her about the family:

“ I’ll show you a picture of my son, people say he looks a bit like Brad Pitt.”

Only she wasn’t wearing her glasses.

“Oh... erm.. that is Brad Pitt, isn’t it..?”

Mum: “no- I know though he does look like him doesn’t he!”

Looking confused “erm I think that is Brad Pitt!..”

Mum: “no honestly in this particular photo he does look so much like him...”

Girl looking confused/bewildered

“But.... I’m pretty sure that is Brad Pitt... in the film Seven..?

Mum “no love this is James-honestly people have told me before-he does look like him!!”

my mum only realised a few hours later that that was the photo of Brad Pitt in the film Seven and that she must have looked a PROPER weirdo!!! She’s never lived it down 😆
“

Answered the phone at work to boss's daughter Kat (Katrina) asking to speak to her mum.

I put the call through to my boss, saying 'That's your cat on the phone for you'

Ive phoned people before and when they pick up I introduce myself as their name.

"Hello April, its Sam here...erm, I mean, hello Sam it's April..."

Infact I had one today at the GP, I asked to update my details as I'm recently married, when she asked me to spell my surname I just stared, could I remember how to spell it?! It's not even a complicated name! I got there eventually

I got into the car after shopping recently and the push start button wouldn't work, it kept saying "incorrect key ID". It had done that on occasion before, but always started after moving the keys closer to the button. This time it didn't and after ten minutes I decided to call RAC. They said it would be an hour or so wait, so I decided to go back into the shop for a cup of tea. As I was walking back, I passed my car, parked a few spaces away from the one I had been trying to start. I had to phone back and sheepishly explain that I'd been sat in the wrong car

Day dreaming during a really boring departmental meeting, I came round when my Manager asked if there was anything I would like? I replied. 'Such as?' 'Anything, that improve your life. Anything'. For some reason I said 'I would really like a tail, like a lemur or kangaroo - a proper tale.'. Colleagues began sniggering and my Manager replied 'We were thinking more along the lines computer skills or problem solving training'

Works secret Santa some smart arse bought me a bloody rodents nose and tail set from IKEA and a pet brush.

A few years ago I worked in an office and I was telling everyone how my cat had chased toilet roll all over the house just like the Durex puppy. I didn’t realise initially what I’d said til they all burst out laughing.

I went scarlet and never lived it down. They said I must have Sex on my mind

I love these

I do this a lot but my best one has to be at my job interview 4 months ago.

I was a nervous wreck, which they could sense but luckily I managed to get through the interview.

At the end, my now boss said "We'd like to offer you the job, we think you'd be perfect here" I was utterly shocked and shouted "YOU WHAT?!?!" And burst into tears 😂😂😂

Thankfully she laughed and still hired me!

EggplantVestibule see that just makes me wonder if you were able to access someone else's car with your keys? Years ago, 2 cars ago when I had my first car that was an auto-unlock I noticed this was possible when a few times unlocking my car same make of cars nearby would also unlock. I raised it with the manufacturer at the time as a security risk as I could have nefarious reasons to want access to other cars AND I couldn't relock those other people's cars without locking mine (which rendered the car unusable).

Made me very uncomfortable leaving people's cars unlocked and vulnerable and their owners thinking they'd left their cars unlocked. I also returned to my car unlocked a few times which made me VERY uneasy. I started leaving notes on the other car inc that I had raised it with the manufacturers and suggested they might want to as well.

The manufacturers eventually got back to me saying this shouldn't be happening but I never was able to get it properly resolved before the company effectively went under (very well known company).

I'm shocked if it's an ongoing issue to be honest.

When I wake up thinking my dreams were real!!! 😂😂

The buying drinks for the watersports club thread. The first time I read it, my brain forgot that people had already mentioned that there were different sorts of watersports. It wasn't until after I'd posted my own comment about "depends what kind of watersports" than my brain allowed me to realise that I wasn't the first. Of course, there's no edit function, so my humiliation is there for ever more.

I made mince pies last Christmas, I put them in the over after making short bread. The next day I ate one after taking my daughter to school, who was very excited to get one in her lunch box. I hadn't had breakfast and started to feel a bit floaty and relaxed, i had a giggle thinking oops I didn't turn the heat up on the oven, and hadn't cooked the alcohol out the pies. Then I started to panic as I had to call the school and ask them to take the mince pie out my 6 year old daughter's lunch box.

My ex was talking about girl's names, I said I can't stand the name 'xxxxxx'. Completely blanked that was his twin sisters name, I was absolutely mortified!

I regularly don't recognise people. I bumped into a dog walker I see and asked after the other man who usually walks Freddie. (The other man was him with a hat on! God knows what he accused his wife of when he went home). Realised afterwards what I had done and cringed. So the next time I saw him without his dog I was really over friendly telling him what funny things my dog had been doing that day. Turns out it was a complete stranger who couldn't get away from the lunatic dog woman quick enough.

@snitzelvoncrumb how much alcohol can one mince pie contain?

I want one of those mince pies!

A few years ago DS had a sports course in the holidays, I had it in my dairy as Tuesday to Friday, and planned to visit my mum over the weekend, leaving on the Friday afternoon after he'd finished the course.

Monday morning I receive a call from the provider. Oh hello I say. Where's your son? Yep the course was Monday to Thursday.

How on earth did I make that mistake to the extent of working out my weekend plans around it?

And then there was the time I read a work article several times, was sure it said one thing, and then a few days later reread it, and of course it said the opposite. I mean - how?