To ask you about the times your brain has completely betrayed you and made you look a fool!

[SweetMangoPie]

I've just very nearly told a client I loved them at the end of a phone call because I'm so used to saying it to DH and now I feel all flustered.

I regularly have little brain farts like this. Quite often if I'm waiting on hold for someone to pick up the phone at work I end up drifting off and when they do finally pick up, I answer as if they've called me.. 'Good afternoon, SweetMangos Workplace, Can I help?' ... Cue awkward silence.

Tell me some of your stupid brain moments!

I called one of ds’s friends mums nicola for about 3 years. I use people’s names a lot. Her name is Danielle.

At our wedding on the receiving line - everyone came shook my hand and said congratulations: I said ‘yes confratulations’ To EVERYONE. I knew I was going it but I just couldn’t stop.

We had a joiner in doing some work to the house... I asked him why he’d had to move the bit that holds the chain for the front door. He hadn’t. I just needed to untwist the chain a mm or two that’s why it wouldn’t reach.

One of ds’ friends had a lovely dog who died at two: he was understandly devastated. Eventually they got a new dog: both dogs names are similar in my mind like say Fergus and Frazer. Twice I’ve asked him how the dead dog is. Twice. I love dogs but now I just can’t mention it at all.

Ugh WAYYYYY too often

Repeatedly giving wrong dob (dds when it should be mine and vice versa)

Forgetting my postcode

Saying "love you" at the end of phone calls to non loved ones (bank, Sainsburys etc)

I'm pretty sure it took me nearly a year until I stopped answering work phone with maiden name rather than married name when I first married which was very confusing for clients as I changed jobs within weeks of marrying! Several certainly went "oh sorry wrong number..." Then called straight back.

"With me it’s the alpha Charlie Foxtrot thing for saying letters, can’t remember what it’s called." NATO alphabet which is what I had to use all day in above job - so that's my excuse not enough brain space! I'm perfect on NATO alphabet though. However I've also done that awful must come across as patronising thing of "correcting" people who don't use the NATO word which is a hangover from training others.

"I frequently say ‘over’ at the end of a sentence on the phone. So used to saying it on the radio at work, people must think I’m mad. On the plus side I’m very good at the phonetic alphabet" this too we must have done similar jobs

I LOVE z for zorro!

I did once have someone say to me "z for xylophone" almost..

But my absolute best one was 1 week postpartum putting the milk in...the tumble dryer!

Not even the same room, not even the same floor! I had a lovely big house with a utility room at the time so wtf I was doing taking milk in the utility room for I have no idea!!

Frequently couldn't remember dds name at this point too it's not a hard name I just kept going blank!!

Priest: The body of Christ
Me: Thank you

Priest: The body of Christ
Me: Aleluia

I seem to be quite good at forgetting certain words, so I'll describe to my dh what I'm trying to say and he will come up with a different word to what I was looking for. So I say not the word I wanted but it will do. He looks at me like I'm crazy 😜.

I'm a retired cop who did 22 years before retiring ill health. I KNOW the phonetic alphabet and it comes out without even having to think about it however, on teaching my new colleagues the phonetic alphabet I was insisting the it was Y for wankee?!? My brain couldn't register why that was wrong!
I frequently say roger that on being given an instruction and yesterday answered the phone as "hello police Scotland Constable bluebells speaking how may I help you?" Ive been away for nearly TWO years!!!!

www.thepoke.co.uk/2017/11/11/social-faux-pas-prompt-rush-similar-confessions-and-they-are-brilliant-updated/

These are pretty funny!

Oh I've remembered another one.

Telling the meter reader my address was 47a, when it was in fact 46a.

My previous address, that I had lived at 6 years previously, was no. 47. He clearly thought I was an idiot, and I can't blame him.

Started a new job and was raving to a colleague about the "Dirty Donner" (kebab) I'd had the night before..forgot she was called Donna! She was like coz didn't eat them and hadn't heard the term! She probably thought I was saying she was promiscuous until I hastily explained myself

This one is not mine, but a parent at my children's school.

She worked in an airport. At a charity bag packing event for the school, instead of asking if the customer wanted help packing her bags, she asked 'did you pack your bags yourself?'

When phoning DDs school receptionist trying to get the number for someone running a club she does, I said "Hi I'm looking for Ms. Smith, I wondered if you could help me as I'm not having much sex (success)" it went quiet then I said "I'm so sorry I meant to say I'm not having any sex....."

Guys, I need this today, I’m crying with laughter!

My teenage DS head of year kindly emailed me some information I’d requested.
I was really grateful but there was no need for me to add three kisses to my thank you email
stupid brain

This was about 6 at the time but I patted my female teacher on the arm and said "Daddy" I can't still remember how embarrassing it was more than 30 years later.

I'm regularly driving along merrily, when all of a sudden I think... 'Shit! Where's my car keys'!

But my absolute best one was 1 week postpartum putting the milk in...the tumble dryer!

The reminds me of the time DH came home and went to get the milk out of the fridge and said... 'why is the iron in the fridge?' (I was one week post-partum)

I once called up school to ask what time pick up was after a specific activity. The receptionist was lovely to begin with but couldn’t help me with my queries and I was getting a bit arsey about how unprofessional she was and ended up saying - “look, you clearly don’t know, please can you just transfer me through to pre-prep and I’ll ask them”

At which point I glanced at my phone and realised the caller ID said “ x’s mum from school” Turns out I had just called another parent who was trying to help me as best she could bless her

I also forgot my own name when Ds was a baby and replied “mummy” to the confused lady who asked me..... she was lovely about it which made me cry. Sleep deprivation was a bitch back then!

I work in several different shops, the number of times I answered the phone and said the wrong shop name...

At the end of my shift in the shop I used to work in I would be regularly clock watching and several times I told customers the time instead of their total.

That will be 16.47 please. No wait, that's wrong, 3.99.

I kept talking about my friend’s baby’s funeral. I meant christening. 😱

Omg, I've just remembered one. It's been buried deep in my memory and makes me shudder thinking about it.
Context - my aunt and uncle lived in town where I was at uni. Uncle was recovering from an operation, so I decided to visit him in hospital. I was very hungover after flatmate's 21st. My aunt and cousins were also visiting at the same time. For some reason which I absolutely cannot fathom, I greeted bent down to kiss him in his hospital bed and planted a smacker on his lips... Everyone utterly silent and I honestly don't remember what I said afterwards. It was a short visit and has never been mentioned since. Christ, I feel ill thinking about it.

I'd recently adopted a couple of young cats who were exceedingly shy and nervous (they hadn't been socialised much prior to coming to Cats Protection), and the weeks and weeks of constant praise and encouragement must have somehow worked its way into my head.

I was at work and my manager asked me to help him with something he was struggling with, and which I was quite good at. I successfully demystified it for him, and then with some anxiety he tried it for himself and got it right first time. With my own ear'oles I heard me saying "Good booooy! Clever booooy!" .

Happily, it was a close-knit team and he wore his authority lightly, so we had a laugh afterwards.

Not mine, but DHs. He was trying to describe someone who had a soul patch (that little patch of beard below the bottom lip), but couldn't remember the phrase and settled on... jazz moustache.

Working in the Business Team and ended a call with a client 'Bye, love you' He did say it was the friendliest service he'd ever had from a bank

After working in telemarketing, I phoned my sister in law and when she answered gave her the massive spiel about who I was, where I was from and then why I was calling. Getting to 'Are you OK to talk for a few minutes?' before I realised. She was very bemused!!

I recently came out of a briefing at work to speak to one of the Directors. In front of every Director in the building, I just stood in front of her with no words coming out of my mouth, opening and closing it like a goldfish. I know her quite well (although, none of the other Directors) and she ended up just hugging me

Someone came up to my desk and said "I'm looking for Serendipity" and I said "yes,speaking" as though I was on the phone.

SerenDippitty I've done similar before. Gone to meet a client in reception and said 'Hello, LeaveMyCat speaking, can I help?' as if I'm on the phone!

I've also recently spent a full day in work with a pair of knickers in my pocket. They were mine. I'd shoved them in my pocket after changing them that morning so that I could put them in the wash basket downstairs and carry all my bags down at the same time. I'd obviously forgotten... I'm glad no one was around when I finally noticed and pulled them out to my horror.

A few years back I was working in retail, it was Christmas Eve and I was saying ‘Merry Christmas’ to customers as I finished serving them.
Well there was one lady who I said ‘Merry Birthday’ to 😂 She just laughed and said, ‘you too!’ Felt like a right prat!

I work in care now and went back after maternity in 2017 after having my son and had some trading due. We had a task where we had to use slings and hoists to get a volunteer into bed safely and my manager picked me and another lady to be the ones using the sling and hoist. She asked me to demonstrate the safe way of doing it and I literally just stared at her as my mind had gone completely blank. I’d been in the job a good few years at that point!
She just laughed and said, ‘Alright, baby brain, I’ll do it, take notes!’
It was funny but a bit embarrassing in front of a group but luckily we all know each other pretty well.
I’m due to go on maternity leave later this year again so really look forward to the training at the end of that!