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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

no one could ever love me

103 replies

minesthecutest · 13/03/2019 14:12

so I do post a bit but never usually about relationships, as mine has ups and downs but that's normal.
This morning on our way to hospital I spilt a bit of my coffee in the car, DH sighed gave me a tissue and said you're lucky I love you coz no one else could.. I laughed and said what over spilt coffee and he said
no not that, just you're clumsy and shy and you have kids and your hairs already turning grey and I just think if we split up now you'd be alone forever. Hmm
I have no idea where this came from, we've been fine and afterwards he was back to usual and I asked him why he said it he said he was just tired and musing over things and was honest as I've always asked him to be honest.
out of anger I told him I'd be fine alone I'm not bad looking , he said no I think you're really pretty but there's a lot prettier out there.
He has never ever said things like this before and I feel heartbroken.
I don't get where this is coming from

OP posts:
Original poster
minesthecutest · 13/03/2019 14:12

meant to be in relationships sorry

OP posts:
AteTooManyCrisps · 13/03/2019 14:26

Ouch, I’d be really upset.

Guavaf1sh · 13/03/2019 14:28

Too much honesty in a relationship is as bad as too little

MummyStruggles · 13/03/2019 14:28

"Musing over things" sounds to me like he's been thinking these things about you for a while.

What awful things to say to you too. "Prettier out there"?

I'd be telling him to pack his bags!

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 13/03/2019 14:30

Imo he needs dumping.
Preferably in a skip with other nasty bits of rubbish.
My dh has never ever said a negative comment about me.

BlackeyedGruesome · 13/03/2019 14:30

Meh, he is not such a catch himself.

Seniorschoolmum · 13/03/2019 14:32

Ouch. I think I’d choose some pampering - highlights, a make-over and some new clothes, & charge it to the joint credit card. New undies too.

Turn his comment into a positive for you.

BlankTimes · 13/03/2019 14:35

just you're clumsy and shy and you have kids and your hairs already turning grey and I just think if we split up now you'd be alone forever

Probably someone he knows has pointed out what a lovely, warm, kind, attractive woman you are and wondered aloud how someone so average (him) could be in a relationship with someone so lovely (you.)

Your DH has panicked at hearing this and decided to try and crash your self-esteem to rock bottom just in case you realise how lovely other people think you are.

Katinkka · 13/03/2019 14:36

Aww that’s awful. My partner was going on the other day how lovely looking I am. I’m really not. I’m a haggard fat mess but he doesn’t see it I guess. I’d say you can do better.

Original poster
minesthecutest · 13/03/2019 14:56

I already have low self esteem and him saying that makes me think everyhting I think is correct.
He's a good person not nasty to me and has never said I'm ugly, he has said things like I don't mind your stretch marks because it's my DC you have birth to but other men would.
I'm just feeling so low, I'm not the prettiest I know I'm not but I should be to him?
The thing is when we're having sex( sorry tmi) he says the opposite he'll say things like omg you're so hot, any man would be be lucky to have you, I know I know it's just because he's in the moment but I look after myself, I work out and eat right but this comment makes it clear that in the cold light of day, I'm not such a catch.

OP posts:
AteTooManyCrisps · 13/03/2019 14:57

Well I’m not surprised you have low self esteem if he makes comments like that. How would he feel if you did the same? The peak of fitness is he? Doubt it.

Original poster
minesthecutest · 13/03/2019 14:58

seniorschoolmum love the suggestion but honestly I just got my hair done for a wedding and have some new clothes and I've been feeling good about myself, maybe he's noticed this and trying to push me back down?

OP posts:
Laiste · 13/03/2019 15:01

I'd be so upset if DH said that to me!

My advice is to wait till you're feeling calm and you have time alone with him and tell him that he's really hurt you. Don't even bother getting into no i'm not, yes you are, well you are too, oh no i'm not stuff. The truth of what he said is neither here not there. That isn't the point. The point is he shouldn't have said it and he needs to make amends.

icarriedaturnip · 13/03/2019 15:02

If you’ve recently got new hair and new clothes he’s probably trying to make you insecure because he thinks you’re out of his league. He doesn’t sound very nice OP

Laiste · 13/03/2019 15:03

Is he insecure about himself? Is he the jealous type?

Confusedbeetle · 13/03/2019 15:06

He is very unkind. Actually I think he is very insecure if he is regularly wondering if other men would love you. You need to work on your own self esteem and dont let these comments pass. If he makes one tell him how it makes you feel. He is pushing his own inadequacy on to you

youwouldthink · 13/03/2019 15:10

He's being an idiot. And cruel with it. It does sound from your previous posts that he's become insecure and passing remarks to you to break your confidence down. Don't let him!

goingonabearhunt1 · 13/03/2019 15:13

That's just mean; he doesn't sound like a nice person.

Shockers · 13/03/2019 15:15

‘Then go get ‘em tiger; I’ll take my chances on someone who doesn’t think they’re doing me a favour.’

That description could easily be me too, but I think I’m great nevertheless- so should you!

SaskiaRembrandt · 13/03/2019 15:24

He sounds spiteful and insecure; he thinks you're out of his league and the only way to keep you is to damage your self-esteem by negging you.

MyNameIsArthur · 13/03/2019 15:31

What horrible things to say to you OP Flowers What a twat. Don't believe any of It!

Original poster
minesthecutest · 13/03/2019 15:35

I don't know, the thing is he does often tell me I'm beautiful too, our sex life is great, we have DC, we have loads of family and friends, we go on holiday once a year, he works long hours and I have the house clean and cook dinner as I only work a few hours a day... so what's missing?

OP posts:
Original poster
minesthecutest · 13/03/2019 15:36

He has now backtracked and said what I meant was that no one could love you as much as I do Confused.
Everyone's correct he is a twat.

OP posts:
FrozenMargarita17 · 13/03/2019 15:37

Wow :(

LovingLola · 13/03/2019 15:38

Ask him ??