Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

no one could ever love me

103 replies

minesthecutest · 13/03/2019 14:12

so I do post a bit but never usually about relationships, as mine has ups and downs but that's normal.
This morning on our way to hospital I spilt a bit of my coffee in the car, DH sighed gave me a tissue and said you're lucky I love you coz no one else could.. I laughed and said what over spilt coffee and he said
no not that, just you're clumsy and shy and you have kids and your hairs already turning grey and I just think if we split up now you'd be alone forever.
I have no idea where this came from, we've been fine and afterwards he was back to usual and I asked him why he said it he said he was just tired and musing over things and was honest as I've always asked him to be honest.
out of anger I told him I'd be fine alone I'm not bad looking , he said no I think you're really pretty but there's a lot prettier out there.
He has never ever said things like this before and I feel heartbroken.
I don't get where this is coming from

OP posts:

XJerseyGirlX · 13/03/2019 15:39

He sounds like he is a bit self conscious and knows exactly what your worth, maybe scared you'll leave him?

Whats his opinion of himself like in general?

Original poster

minesthecutest · 13/03/2019 15:42

He's never been one to care about his looks although he's good looking, but I mean he's not vain.
He looks young for his age, he's tall and confident and talks to everyone.
He has confidence in buckets and I don't and I feel he plays on that

OP posts:

Frosties567 · 13/03/2019 15:43

OP, no wonder you have low self esteem.
I’m sure you’re lovely inside and out. He’s obviously feeling insecure about something. Challenge him on his behaviour, show him he can’t get away with being so unkind.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 13/03/2019 15:44

@minesthecutest - you mean you think he's good looking, 80% of the rest of us wouldnt think so,

B3ck89 · 13/03/2019 15:47

Original poster

minesthecutest · 13/03/2019 15:48

A lot of people think he's good looking actually

OP posts:

IvanaPee · 13/03/2019 15:49

I think you need to come to terms with the fact that he’s not as nice as you think he is.

Sounds like there’s been more than one carefully worded put-down. Enough to chip away at your confidence but not enough to openly show what a prick he is.

Who knows why? Insecurity that you’ll leave? Jealousy? Some people just get their kicks from putting others down. None of that is your problem, however.

Tensixtysix · 13/03/2019 15:52

What an utter B@stard! If my DH said that to me (we are in our 50s), I'd chuck the rest of the coffee over his head!
Looks aren't everything. They fade in time. It's what's in your heart that's important and you need to find out what's 'eating' his.
Is he having an affair?

Jaxinthebox · 13/03/2019 15:52

he sounds like a not nice person. He has obviously chipped away at your self esteem.

Drogosnextwife · 13/03/2019 15:54

That's not honestly that's just bloody mean. I thinn I would get rid of someone who thought it was OK to speak to me like that.

vampirethriller · 13/03/2019 15:57

I'm with BlankTimes, I reckon someone else has mentioned you look nice/you are a nice person and he's worried you'll listen to them.

user1552403235 · 13/03/2019 15:58

What an insensitive thing to say. I'm sure a lot of us think the same about their partners but that's as far as it goes. I'd be really hurt and depressed if that had been said to me. Wait your moment and then pay him a similar 'compliment' .

inthedistanceIsee · 13/03/2019 16:01

Power-tripping, mind-game playing utter git.

SweetRosie92 · 13/03/2019 16:02

What a terrible thing to say! I'm so sorry. My husband who is 100+ pounds overweight told me a few months ago that "a man's value only goes up while he ages unlike a woman's"

Well! How nice. I told him by all means not to burden himself with a troll of a wife like me if he thinks he can do so much better. He is getting ready to have weight loss surgery so this should be fun.

You do not need your husband's pity or his charity. Something tells me you would do just fine on your own and maybe even better, who needs some middle aged jerk feeling " sorry" for us, I think I'd rather be alone!

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 13/03/2019 16:03

He doesn’t sound good at all. He sounds like the reason you have low self esteem.

nakedscientist · 13/03/2019 16:04

That's not ' being honest' because it's a subjective opinion. Plus, saying ' if we split you'd be alone forever' is pure supposition and downright nasty.

I wouldn't stand for that rubbish.

LetheBiscuit · 13/03/2019 16:04

Sounds emotionally manipulate and cruel. He doesn't respect you, and seems like he's jealous/worried that you'll stray and therefore trying to convince you no one will take you.

Original poster

minesthecutest · 13/03/2019 16:04

I doubt he's having an affair he's here or he's at work and he works with a lot of people I know. Never at the gym or with friends etc.
user I really hope people don't think that about their partners whether they say it or not..i wouldn't be with someone I thought was horrible or unlovable.

OP posts:

Bookworm4 · 13/03/2019 16:06

How nasty, notice his comment of 'I don't mind your stretch marks but other men would' that's sly and demeaning, he's insinuating you're lucky to have him. If he knows you struggle with self esteem he should be complimenting you, boosting your confidence. I'm sorry but he's a bully, call him out and tell him he's cruel and hurtful; do not let this slide, he's chipping away at you.

Mummyshark2018 · 13/03/2019 16:12

I take it he's a male model 😳. If my dh said this I'd tell him to f**k right off!

ShakeYourTailFeathers · 13/03/2019 16:17

What a spiteful bastard.

Original poster

minesthecutest · 13/03/2019 16:19

j think it's more the way he said it, rhe fact that we were joking together a second before and he said it as casually as you would be talking about the weather.
He's doesn't exactly make me feel loved anyway. He can't sit next to me without groping me for one. but he does five me compliments usually.

OP posts:

EKGEMS · 13/03/2019 16:21

Like he's an oil painting? Oh please I'd say he's a cruel and despicable spouse to say something like that! Ugh I'd dump his belongings on the front lawn and change the locks before I'd stay with a man like that! OP I'm sure you're beautiful inside and out! Shyness is not a negative character trait whatsoever. It sure is better than a pompous ego

GraceMarks · 13/03/2019 16:25

There's a lot of backtracking going on here, OP. You're being told pretty unanimously that your H was mean and that it wasn't caring or nice for him to speak to you that way, and you're now doing your best to minimise it and make out that it wasn't as bad as you initially made out. I understand why - but please don't just shrug it off when it's obvious that he has hurt you. I'm not saying it's a LTB offence, but he needs to know how upset you've been and face up to his part in that. Why do you think your self-esteem is so low, if not for the fact that he's been chipping away at it?

ineedaknittedhat · 13/03/2019 16:31

Tell him you would really prefer someone who has a bigger dick, but you're prepared to compromise because......

Announce this mid act and watch him crumble 😉

Flip

1 2 3 4 5