Sahm and surgery

[SEsofty]

I need to have some major surgery which will mean that I will be out of action for st least six weeks, no driving, lifting etc

However, I’m a sahm and youngest child is only two and therefore not in any sort of childcare.

Aibu to not know what to do as obviously won’t be able to look after the Cho, husband can’t take six weeks off work and no family support.

Would a nursery even take him for a month only and how are we supposed to pay for this.

Has anyone been in this situation and what did you do

Maybe contact Girl Guides or an older group where they would give you a few free hours in exchange for the experience? Cant think of anything cheaper

I may just have to delay for a few years until I am back at work

If you can wait, could you hang on for another year do you think? Your youngest dc will qualify for nursery hours, will be a little bit less needy and it'll give you some time to set money aside.

If not, as pp have said your dh will have to take annual leave or parental leave for a week or so. You may find the last week or so of the six, you're ok as long as you take it easy. Then for the rest of the time, maybe employ a local teen or student to help you out a few hours a day? Or get a childminder or try your local church, see if anybody there could support you for a couple of weeks. It'll be tough but has a finite end and hopefully then your quality of life will improve and you can put it behind you. Good luck.

Sorry, not read the whole thing, but do you have the charity Homestart near you? Or anything similar? They may be able to help a bit.

What's the situation with your dhs job? Would it be possible for him to take at least a week off post op?

I think you'd be surprised at how well you could manage if you were dead organised. So dh gets up gets children fed washed and dressed. He makes a sandwich for everyone's lunch and wraos them in foil in the fridge and gets out a batch cooked meal from the freezer to defrost or sets up the slow cooker for tea. You get yourself downstairs with pillows and a duvet. A box of toys out for the dc and the remotes for the TV in your reach. A couple of drinks lined up for the day and a stock of nappies and wipes at the ready and you'll have 9 hours to get through but hopefully with everything you need on hand so the effort required to feed everyone is minimal. You'll have to leave laundry and washing up to your dh to do when he's home. And don't forget that you'll get stronger every day. So by the end of the 6 weeks it'll be a different kettle of fish.

I hope you get it sorted

See if the school your dc attend have breakfast club and/ or after school clubs, so that your dh could possibly collect them on his way to and from work. Ds1 breakfast club is 70p per session, but they only open from 7.45 am.

Get monthly delivery pass with the supermarket of your choice and get them to deliver at a time your dh is home, so he can pack them away. Warning if you live in a flat, then asda delivery might refuse to bring it up to your door if you live upstairs and ask you to come down and get it or take your shopping back. I haven't had that problem with Sainsbury.

Your dh should do his best to get 2weeks of annual leave.

Before the operation, teach your older children small suitable task/ life skills. How to make sandwiches, the importance of tidying up. The tidying up right now is important as you might struggle later with the house not being up to the standards you set. Batch cook and have a deep clean just before your operation.

Your dh makes breakfast, you feed yourself and toddler sandwich for lunch and your dh makes dinner. Have snacks close to you and toddler. The house needs to be toddler proofed. Lots of tv and baby programmes. Have nice safe toys for toddler to entertainment if/ when the tv gets boring. Have a mattress in living room for the toddler so it could be used at nap time or story time. Warning don't read story to toddlers next to you as they might get excited and accidentally hurt you as a reaction to the story.

Child is two? No need to carry around now just practice climbing in a pushchair climbing into our own chair etc etc

I had spinal damage after my daughter she misaligned my spine with her head apparently I couldn't lift her for ages while physio sorted it we got creative

I recently had abdominal surgery while on mat leave. My daughter was 9 months. Hubby worked from home for 1 week (It was meant to be 2). I was pretty nervous about it. I tried to avoid lifting bub as much as possible and when I had to I was extremely careful about lifting her so that I wasn't straining.
I think it's possible to muddle through.

I've had 2 quite major abdominal surgeries, no daytime outside help. Get a comfy spot near amenities like loo and remote, nappies, food and drink close by. Before going in make up a box of "special" books and toys that wee one is only allowed when it's just you. I actually got sticker books and got mine to decorate my legs! Movies, kids TV shows not always ideal but good for temporary. Explain things repeatedly to wee one. We told ours "mummy wants cuddles but she needs magic side cuddles cos her tummy will be sore" make them feel like big kid helper-bring you teddy's, wipe your forehead, give you some nearby bottled water, 'read' you storiestons of praise. Hubby will unfortunately just have to take over straight away and do all housework. If he could get 2 weeks off that would be good because although it's a while to recover you will gradually be improving during that time. Remember meds might make you drousy so childproof and close off the area u are in and maybe have a lockable box for meds. If u are really really exhausted / sore a tablet or ipad with safe apps will be a godsend. Online food shops and takeaway will also help. Also If there are any teens living near u, you could pay them to come play with wee one, safer because you're still there to supervise and they can earn some pocket money.

Everything feels worse when you feel bad, OP. Hope you feel better soon. Maybe take the advice of the PPs who have been through it and try to get up and about if you can?

Plan for the worst, as you're doing, and you might be pleasantly surprised.

I think if your DC is closer to 3 than 2, I would look for nursery.

If closer to 2 than 3, then look for a teenager/student/trainee nursery nurse to do in-home childcare. This can mean i.e. taking DC to the park for an hour and a half, giving you time to rest. Then a visit to your bed for a book and a cuddle and an episode of Peppa Pig, then the helper makes and does lunch etc.

DP plans for annual leave and possibly parental leave.

I expect it is manageable, it is the panic that is getting you right now.
Try not to catastrophise.

Absolutely no family support

That includes a H who isn’t being supportive.

What can you do? Well you stop thinking it’s only your problem to solve.

Everyonr’s Asking you this; what does your DH do? Do you know he may be able to take unpaid parental leave? Can he not look after the children while you recover?

I wonder whether if your husband could take the first two weeks off to help? After that are there any clubs that you take your Lo to at the moment where you could ask another parent to pick your child up and take them with them and bring them home? I used to find with mjne at that age if they d done a few hours of craziness in the morning you felt better leaving them to tv and chill in afternoon. Also if you do regular activities you may find you get to a point in recovery where the friend could maybe also pick you up and take you along just to sit and watch. It would be goood for you to have a change of scenery. This Way your child still gets to do their normal activity the other parent is just having to keep an eye on your child and you are getting some time for rest.

I hope you are feeling better op?