... To think he is not 'delighted?'

[Plurabelle]

I'm a writer though not as successful a one as I'd like to be. Some long term projects I'd put a lot of work over the last few years into failed at the last hurdle. But now and then bits and pieces get published. I make very little money from writing, so my income comes from other writing-related sources plus other casual work.

My husband always says the he is very supportive. Admittedly he has been very good about the fact that my interest in writing has meant that the paid work I do isn't well-paid, so I've not made a huge contribution to the family finances. However, I've supported him in his lucrative career and also done the vast majority of housework and childcare.

Anyway, I recently found out by chance that one of my writing successes - a programme that I scripted and presented nearly 8 years ago - has been dug out of the archives and broadcast again.

I told my husband - mentioning that I'd find out if this meant a repeat fee. I also shared the news on social media as I felt some of my more recent friends would be interested.

My husband though he said he was pleased, didn't really respond. For example didn't ask me exactly when the repeat was so he could chase it up on iPlayer, and mention this to friends or relatives. We were out in a group when I heard about the repeat, and he didn't mention this to other people in the group. He didn't say he wanted to see it, himself. (When the first broadcast occurred at a time, he had completely forgot about the date then and I had to remind him.) He is now retired, so pressure of work etc, isn't a factor - though he is quite busy with hobbies. I do show interest in his pursuits - even the ones I find a bit tedious - and ask him questions about them.

A number of friends have been in touch to say they enjoyed the broadcast - some of them heard it for the first time. However, I've found my husband's lack of response over the last two days a bit deflating and mentioned this to him this morning.

He said, no - on the contrary - he was 'delighted.'

Is this what a 'delighted' husband is like, do you think?

You just sound a bit self obsessed to me. A repeat isn't a big deal compared to a new show. Your husband has probably got bored of you talking about yourself. Sounds like you need an activity to do together. Work on your relationship and have some joint experiences rather than boring each other. You don't seem interested in his hobbies he's not interested in your writing . It's normal for a lot of people

When I'm writing I'm particularly concerned with the work in progress. But the gap between writing and publication/broadcast can be quite long. Meanwhile old stuff can have a new life. Pieces get anthologised/reprinted and then find a new audience.

In terms of other people's response/lack of response, there are some people who are interested in 'new' work very much as they'd be interested in a new baby. Though actually the new work may have been languishing/sent around from place to place for years - it's not really new at all.

I suppose from my point of view, if an old piece of work appears in a new place I feel rather as if a grown-up child suddenly gets a new job, 'Oh, that's where you are now. I hope you'll find some new friends.'

Anyway, I've had a conversation with Spouse this morning. He's been particularly preoccupied lately it seems - he's never his best self at such times.

Thanks for all the comments, some of which have been very helpful.

I do think that habits are powerful and, for that reason, the idea he'd be able to switch focus, from himself to you, after so many years, was naive. Have you explained to him that you'd hoped he would do that in retirement, with you still working? Does he recognise all the support, both behind the scenes and at work events, that you gave him over the years?

In the end, I agree with others that you have to decide what you want, in the circumstances you find yourself and do that.

I would be quite tempted to cut short some of his stream of consciousness reportage and say 'actually, I'm really busy thinking about x, y, z at the moment. What are your thoughts on x?' So 'force' a more equal conversation, or just make the point that you are not perpetually mentally available to him. But, the risk is he'll feel very put out (equality feeling like oppression when you're accustomed to privilege) and it may damage your relationship.

Plurabelle (nice to meet another Finnegans Wake fan) -- I agree with lottiegarbanzo about the dynamic with your husband. However, if everything was far more equal than it is (and the fact that it isn't explains a lot), I would think you were being rather coy and passive-aggressive in expecting your husband to 'boast' on your behalf about your work to other people, in whatever circumstances. Blow your own trumpet (quite deservedly!) If you were with other people out walking when you heard about the repeat, why, if you wanted to tell the others, didn't you tell them?

Also, my best friend is a well-known and prolific novelist, and her husband has never read any of her novels, apart from her debut, and on that his only comment (in fairness, a useful one, given that no one else, including her editor, had picked up on it) was that she'd made the sun set twice in a scene.

I'll echo comments about finding your voice
You can ask him to come
You can talk about your career, to the wider group.

The rambling group is a good example of where you can have the conversations. You can be proud of yourself. You dont need him to cheerlead you, or to tell people. You should be your own cheerleader

It sounds like it's not just your work that he seems to have no interest in, but any of your life.

What's he been preoccupied about? It sounds like an excuse to me.

You need to decide if you want to continue to play second fiddle in the story of his life, or if you won't put up with such disrespect, and make the necessary changes.