To ask what's so great about private school

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So my friend was privately educated, and so was her partner. They put their school aged children in a very prestigious private school but then had to take them out and move in with her parents. I don't quite know what happened but I think they overstretches themselves financially.
Now her two children are happily settled into the local state school but she still insists that she will be moving them back to private school in the future. My question is why would you decide to do this if you can't really afford to?
I was state school educated from a single parent family and went to a terrible primary school, but I have great memories. My friend and I actually do the same job, we are both admin assistants on a few quid more than minimum wage. I don't think that her private education has actually benefited her at all.
I tried to ask her what exactly she felt that a private education gave you that a state education didn't. She used the example of writers visiting the school, inspiring children to write and improve literacy. I have a creative writing degree, nothing would have prevented me from writing stories, it's all I've ever wanted to do since I learnt to write. My best friend has a 2:1 degree in Literature from Oxford, she also went to a state school in a 'deprived area' and was raised by a single mum.
I honestly don't understand what a private education gets you apart from possibly helping you to make contacts. It's certainly not more important than trying to buy your own home, in my eyes.
Fully expecting to get flamed.

it's never happened at any of the 6 private schools I've been involved with

How can you possibly know that?

However, if it’s a difference between the local “outstanding” London comp which gets 20% A-A, or a host of local independents which achieve around 95% A-A, then you can see why parents and DC jump through all the hoops if they can afford it and are told their DC have a cat in hell’s chance of a place at one of these independent schools because the difference in standards and expectations really is startling.

Assuming you are talking about selective schools, if the schools are so selective that only one in seven applicants gets in, then that explains their academic success a lot more than what happens once you get in.

From the first paragrah of the 11+ admissions info for my nearest private school: Applicants need to be consistently high achieving in most curriculum areas, working at the very top of their current class.

If the overwhelming majority of applicants who fail the entrance exam are top of the class at their previous school, that probably explains why they are one of the top schools in the country for getting pupils into Oxbridge.

@Vulpine
Ah that old chestnut. Life isn't fair. How about we strive to make it a little fairer? Social mobility is good for us all. schools that educate just 7% of the country account for 74% of judges, 71 % of generals and 29% of mps - that's hardly a fair playing field. But I realise people don't give a fuck as long as their own kid is ok.

I'm not sure you understood my post, what I was saying that CURRENTLY, not all schools are created equal which isn't fair, just like life. It's a fact. But those who can and do choose to send their child to private school, however funded, should not be chastised / criticised or made to feel that it's THEIR fault the state system isn't always as good as the private. Where did I say that we shouldn't be striving to make things fairer in the future? Indeed we SHOULD, what are YOU personally doing to make the schools more equal? I assume you are virtuous for a reason? I also didn't say anything about social mobility being a bad thing or that it shouldn't be encouraged... I'm not trying to put the world to rights here, I was just commenting on the OP's question with possible reasons.

Please don't take offence where there was none intended. I DO "give a fuck", thank you very much, who said my kid was okay? Did I even say I HAD children and whether they go to state or private school?

In Year 8 at the private school ds went to another boy took a naked photo of ds in the PE changing room showers and threatened to put it on social media.

We immediately contacted the school. They confiscated the phone but told us they were not allowed to check it themselves (we since found out thats not true as dh is a teacher and asked the exact question on a safeguarding course). The perpetrator told the school he had deleted the photo and they beleived him.

The school claimed to have contacted the local authority safeguarding team who told them to handle the matter internally. The boy got a Saturday detention and his parents were telephoned. His mum then found me on facebook and sent me a message saying there was no ill intent, boys will be boys it was just lads messing around.

However in the state school he went onto a safeguarding complaint was fully investigated by the school and police, the boys involved were segregated until the investigation had been concluded and they were put in opposing tutor groups which meant they never had to share a classroom or changing room for the rest of their school careers.

Hmm interesting. I could understand if her kids had never been to state school/got bullied/were special needs, but if they're getting along fine at the local state school it seems unnecessary.

I went to private school and to be honest, I was a weird and geeky kid and am glad I did because I probably would have been bullied right out of my personality in the local comprehensive

“urely you know by now on these threads personal experiences only count if you're in the state sector, if you're in the private sector you're definitely wrong”

Not true at all. Personal anecdote carries the same weight whatever sector it comes from. But surely you’ll forgive a touch of scepticism at an anecdote that suggests that dick pics don’t happen private schools!

The private school up the road from us, take in special needs children, they have separate lessons, extra one to one help. But on the sports field they are all equal. They take in the bright, the able and the special needs. They all have something to offer to the school as a whole.

Some of the special needs children come from all over the country with councils paying for their education. It is still hard because councils do not cover the extras like school trips etc.

I think it is good for the children whose parents are paying 30k per annum to rub along with children who face different challenges.

Teaeandmoretea - no I do not live in an area of outstanding state schools. I moved here before I had kids.

It wasnt purely aimed at you - just a comment that 'I'm alright Jack' can also apply to those who are lucky locally or who have moved for better state schools, whose DC have been successfully coached for grammar (all MC privilege). Perhaps they should also be shamed into sending their DC to a crappier state school for the purposes of inclusion. I don't know why those who go private are judged any differently because its all the same.

Yes true tis pretty similar

But surely you’ll forgive a touch of scepticism at an anecdote that suggests that dick pics don’t happen private schools!

I suspect we all read into things to further our own agenda. I certainly didn’t take from it the poster even suggested that it didn’t happen in private schools.

Personally, I'd be of the social climbing class. Aspirations delusions of grandeur. Which is why I want mine to achieve a better education. I went to an all girls state school for secondary. While it would have been one of the 'better' schools, I didn't really excel there (despite being top of the class).
Why would I pay for something I thought was inferior? You pay for private because it offers an education in line with your principles. I.e. discipline, diversity, hard work, multiple opportunities, sport, music, self -confidence etc.
Ps, dd went in sounding like she came off a farm in Yorkshire. She now speaks like she has an apple in her mouth. Amusing.

She's excelling there not academically though and has a wide cohort of great friends. I'm happy with my choice.

We thought about private school when looking at a school for our children. Our local private school does offer more than the state primary, but not significantly enough to have made it worthwhile, considering the local village school is really lovely, quite small and under great leadership. We decided that anything missing from the primary (music, some sports and 11+ preparation) we would just pay for privately, it is so much cheaper and there is the added benefit of the kids being able to go into the village and play with each other. My husband went to a very good private school a train ride away from home, but he was very lonely at home as he didn't know any of the village children.

“I suspect we all read into things to further our own agenda. I certainly didn’t take from it the poster even suggested that it didn’t happen in private schools.“

Oh, come on. She started by saying that one of the good things about private school was no sexual abuse. She then said that her dss was at state school and someone had sent a dick pic. She then responded to my “this isn’t a state school only problem” by saying she wasn’t saying it was, but it had never happened in the 6 private schools she had been involved with. There really is only one possible inference.

Accumulating assets is far less important than meeting the financial responsibilities that arise from your reproductive choices. We’ve put buying a house on the back burner so we can pay for our children to be educated rather than expect our already heavily in debt government to do so. We realise that the government is running a deficit and that our taxes do not pay for the services that are used and our choosing to state education would only further the gap between revenues and government expenditures. We feel that it’s more important to pay our own way than to take advantage of a flawed system to get richer.

Gregory, that's quite a moral high ground you're taking there!

I've sent mine to private school to take the pressure of the state. Lol.

Good excuse.

Be honest about why you chose it at the very least.

I suspect the only two honest words there are 'flawed system'.

You didn't want them to be subjected to it you mean.

A socialist who believes in private education. That's a new one on me! 'I'm doing it for the greater good'. PMSL
Sorry, but that's the greatest load of deluded tosh I've read in a long time.

Oh, come on. She started by saying that one of the good things about private school was no sexual abuse. She then said that her dss was at state school and someone had sent a dick pic. She then responded to my “this isn’t a state school only problem” by saying she wasn’t saying it was, but it had never happened in the 6 private schools she had been involved with. There really is only one possible inference.

And I note she didn't comment on the rather serious dick pic incident at ds's private school that was covered up by the school.

You have to lick the right school for the right child. Some thrive better in private schools, some not. You should never choose private unless you can comfortably afford it. It is not always about education outcomes or jobs afterwards. Clever children will achieve wherever they are. The most important thing for me was that my children should be happy in an environment they enjoyed and felt valued. This would include whether they enjoyed sport or not, music and art or not. were ok in class size. Pastoral care ( You get bullies in both types of schools. Its the whole lived experience. Dont just look at results and ofsted. Think about your child. That may well mean different choices for siblings

The teaching isn't always better than on state. There are many unqualified teachers in some private schools. It depends very much on the school itself and the head. I know of a private school where the head isn't even a trained teacher- very worrying.

I think you just have to trust that the majority of private school parents have weighed up the pros and cons of both state and private and have chosen private for good reasons. This is not hard to understand surely.

I wish all state schools were funded properly and would happily pay more tax - but they aren't. I have an autistic child who would have been miserable and made everyone else miserable in a class of 30. SEN funding has been cut to the bone and only the most disruptive/violent children get any real help and even that isn't enough.

When they report whether or not 30 in a class is too many it's always always about academic achievement but that isn't the goal of early childhood. You simply can't as 1 human meet the social and emotional development needs of 30 young kids. It's not a nice quality of life for those kids.

Private schools attract the best teachers because who wouldn't want fewer kids they can really invest in to teach? More holidays? More pay? So private schools can pick and choose the best.

No way I was sacrificing my kid on the altar of my own politics so we went private.

“You have to lick the right school for the right child. Some thrive better in private schools, some not.“

Trouble is, for the vast majority of people, private is not an option, however right it might be for the individual child.

I was able to study subjects that I wouldn't have done in my local state school - and the private school I went to had a really strong focus on arts/music that was very important to me at the time. I definitely had opportunities to pursue music that would have been harder elsewhere (not impossible though). Plus small class sizes that meant I had really intensive tuition.

On the other hand it was a privileged bubble and I'm not sure if that was good for me in other ways. I don't know if I'd make the same choice for my kids.