Man doing my pedicure

[eyesbiggerthanstomach]

I'm having a rubbish day so maybe am being super sensitive but not sure. There is a nail bar I regularly go to. A few men work there but it's mainly women. Usually one of the women does my pedicure. I have had one or two of the men do it in the past too.

Anyway, am currently getting one done by a man and I'm feeling really uncomfortable. I can't explain why. Maybe because he is slow and so every touch feels like it's lasting ages but I'm not enjoying it.

Is it unreasonable to specify a woman does it in future?

I will back right over wrong not matter what the sex.

It’s wrong to make women feel like they can’t set boundaries on who touches their body, and calling them misandrists who want men drowned is unintelligent misogynistic nonsense.

It’s wrong to make women feel like they can’t set boundaries on who touches their body, and calling them misandrists who want men drowned is unintelligent misogynistic nonsense.

It's wrong to make ANYONE! It's not just women! FFS!

it's a bit late to be complaining about it after the fact

Not quite. If they were to complain to them directly, perhaps. But to acknowledge the discomfort and in future ask for females only is ok. It’s also ok to chat with other women about it.

It's wrong to make ANYONE! It's not just women! FFS!

I acknowledged that earlier. You however have been arguing the exact opposite! Are you male or female?

but given that she presumably realised his gender when he walked over to start the pedicure it's a bit late to be complaining about it after the fact

It's not always that simple though. I've been in a situation before where I attended a medical appointment to find a man would be doing an intimate procedure. I wasn't asked if this was okay and felt nervous and put on the spot. It was an awful experience and now I'm far more assertive but I understand why someone might not feel able to speak up.

@youknowmedontyou
It’s wrong to touch someone without consent lots of women prefer to have female care givers or even driving instructors etc as they feel more relaxed.
I believe in equality but men are bigger and stronger than women and so it’s often about feeling comfortable.

Bluestitch Same. I turned up for a medical procedure with an audience of males & as an anxious person wasn’t brave enough to ask them to leave. I now always state my wishes before any medical appointments.

I don't think this is unreasonable. I don't like having massages by men. I don't for one minute think they are doing anything but their job but it just weirds me out.
I had a massage on my honeymoon at the spa at the hotel. DH was seen in by a female and I was seen in by a bloke. I was so uncomfortable that I really didn't want to undo my bikini top - I don't know why, I just didn't. I undid the halterneck but left it done up round the middle. He undid it when he came back in and I couldn't relax at all. I did put on the feedback card they should ask if females would be ok with a male masseuse as it does mean getting partially undressed.

@JessicaWakefieldSVH my sex had nothing to do with you.

My response was based on the OPs question AIBU and yes based on the fact she didn't like technique then yes she was BU.

If she doesn't like men then say! But she didn't!

But to expect a blanket ban on men doing a Professional job is ridiculous!

@Crunchycrunchycrunchy that's fine but you need to tell them? You could've swapped with your OH?

That's awful Jessica. Women's right to feel comfortable shouldn't depend on them having the confidence to speak out when they are vulnerable and outnumbered. And often in front of the person they don't want touching them too!

@youknowmedontyou

No one is calling for blanket ban on men doing certain professions.

No one is saying ‘drown all men at birth’

The hyperbole is coming from you, when others are simply saying that anyone but women in particular may want this, has the right to ask for a person of a certain sex to carry out what might be considered an intimate action.

But to expect a blanket ban on men doing a Professional job is ridiculous!

Where has anybody suggested that?

Can someone please tell me what is I'm getting confused

@DianaPrincessOfThemyscira then they need to just say.....simple!

But OP asked as the only thing she didn't like is his technique. It could've been the same with a woman she didn't like the technique, would it be ok to dismiss all women? Similarly if it was a person of a certain ethnicity would that be ok?

The hyperbole is coming from you

^ this

I need more information about the potato peeling...!!

my sex had nothing to do with you.

Feel free not to answer of course, but I’m always surprised when other women call women misandrists for setting boundaries. I suspect you’re Male, and in that case your inability to understand this is not that surprising.

I'm not male..... happy now?

I am female but don't feel the same way you do, is that ok?

It wasn’t just his technique and the question of requesting females in future was part of the OP’s comments. Don’t pretend it’s just about professional skills. The broader conversation is about being able to request only one sex touches you, and you’ve directly made comments about that point. You’re not even following your own position.

@hopl that's people saying OPs post is taking the biscuit! IE it's ridiculous!

I am female but don't feel the same way you do, is that ok?

Yes, you can feel anyway you want. You cannot tell other women they’re unreasonable or misandrists for having different boundaries to you, which you’ve repeatedly done. Own it.

And you can't tell me I am @JessicaWakefieldSVH which you did first...... so perhaps don't do that?

@eyesbiggerthanstomach - of course you can request a woman in future and no explanation to the salon is needed. Now, I have answered your question: please can you provide more info on the potato peeling. It was such a random thing and made me laugh until I cried!

youdontknowme Nobody has tried to override your personal boundaries or tell you who you should let touch you. You are the one who has done that, to other women.