Lending money to MIL

[NotSoThinLizzy]

So MIL is going to get evicted for rent arrears unless she comes up with some money. She asked us if she could borrow a fairly large amount from me and OH, well large to us. OH wants to put it on the credit card it's a 0% card. MIL promises to pay it back by July at the latest. I don't really want to as she isn't good at paying money back she does pay it back eventually but quite late. We could just about afford to pay the card off even if MIL dosent give us any money. I understand the situation and I want to help but I don't want to be in position where we can't afford nice things. We have a holiday planned in July. I'm 6 weeks pregnant too. And we have 2 DC.
MIL got in position by pissing her money away on crap, video games and takeaways and buying people online "presants" but thats a whole different story.

I think you should only offer what you could afford not to get paid back. No loans or credit cards. 0% interest doesn't last forever.

She's family but with children and a new baby on the way you are the ones who are still setting up in life and you should be getting the support if needed, not the other way round.

I think OP stated Mil had a monthly income of £1500 and rent is only £200? How the hell is she in debt, absolutely no money given to her, she's better off than a huge amount of people.

Time for you to emigrate. Spend your last pennies doing it too.

She’s taking the piss, and will prolly only pull herself together and adult when you & your DH stop being a convenient and constant Plan B safety net.

I have to disagree with people who say "shes family so help"

The OP has helped. Numerous times in the past with money and with food (she feeds her MIL) and she has had her to live with them.

being family is not a get out of jail card to behave like an utter shit. She is using the OP and her husband. their life will be more miserable just to subsidise and support her. why? This is a relatively young woman and if the OP and her partner don't put a stop to this right now they have another 40 years of this. she isn't going to stop all the time that she knows someone will step in and bail her out. and I don't give a single shiny shit that she shares some dna with the OP's husband. she doesn't care that he is her family and that she ought to treat him well does she?

Make it a condition that she goes to debt councillor with DH. That does not mean that you promise to help her out but that he makes sure she faces her debt and gets proper advice to deal with it and a debt repayment plan and everything is out in the open.. no opportunity to hide things. She is ignoring the problem and assuming you will be her safety net. That is more help to her than bailing out. This is a very difficult one, but your new family comes first. Good luck.

This is a terribly awkward situation for you! You’re unlikely to be able to cut the contact as your DH seems to want the relationship with her, but it doesn’t sound (from your post) that he gains much from their relationship other than she’s his only blood family in contact. Could your mum not step in more and treat him more like her son? That plus some counselling might help him accept she is selfish and he needs to try and focus on your family unit.

You don’t want to get yourself into financial trouble to support her, she’s too young for you to start/ continue this pattern. Maybe if she was much much older it would be less longer term of a commitment, not that I think you should have to bail her out for her own choices. If she’d had a series of unfortunately timed issues resulting in this then maybe I’d help, but not for wasting the money on nothing.

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP, take it easy and try not to get too stressed by this all. Ask your husband to consider your unborn in this all too.

She wastes her money getting take out for two weeks in a row almost £20 a time. New video games £40-£60 a time then micro transactions. Then buying her online friends new microphones or controllers when theirs break. OH has told her no excuses now no more money that's it done she's a grown woman who knows better so yay! 😊

Why doesn't she pay 5 months rent (assuming the arrear is at least this) for £1000, and live on £500 for the month. A £500 budget for 1 month is hardly a hardship for a single person.

Am I missing something here??

Oops cross post OP! Great your partner has been firm with her- I think it will benefit her in the long run

Well done OP, I'm so glad your OH has seen sense. It's hard but he has done the right thing.

OH has told her no excuses now no more money that's it done she's a grown woman who knows better so yay!

That's good if he means it, but be prepared for a sudden "health crisis" to come crawling into view, or a claim that some loan shark is threatening her, or any number of other things

The real test isn't saying that you won't pay, it's keeping to it - especially when she knows she's been able to talk you round so often before

Buying for people online? Wtf?
Does she not know they are using her, they're not her friends. Pay your debt not takeaways and video games, had she ever had MH assessment? Her behaviours are very odd.

So did he bail her out this time?

I lined up a 40 hour week retail job and she turned her nose up at it. It would've paid alot more than her current one

I think that at this point you absolved yourself of any further responsibility. She was clearly planning on an endless series of bailouts from you to enable her to continue as before.

She's on about moving down to Glasgow to mooch of her sister who as DC of her own which have learning difficulties

This is clearly the best way forward. You have gone above and beyond the call of duty and it's time for her to find a new victim.

You have dc and are pregnant! Your first responsibility is to them!

He has to stop bailing her out. She doesn't give a shit, didn't even get up for the meeting. WTAF. He has his own kids now.

well done OP to you and your OH. now the tough bit begins because she will sulk for a bit, go quiet then something will happen and she will expect you to have "forgotten" what you said before and step in.

and in case either of you are tempted just keep saying to yourselves " we have another 40 years of this".

No he didn't 😊 and yeah strange behaviour but I think it's a controlling thing as they can't play with her online or talk to her so if she buys them then they can?

Did she got to this debt meeting with OH or not bother getting out of bed.

WELL DONE OH! Song his praise OP, make sure he realises he did the right thing

Oh dragged her ass out of bed

Good for him! She's royally taking the piss.

So many posters have screamed 'NO!' that I don't think I need to add my voice to the chorus.

But I was interested in your comment that your OH has no contact with any other family members but his mother. May I ask why that is? Because if it has anything to do with her behaviour or it's because of things she's told OH about them, it may be time for him to reach out to them to rebuild bridges. I think he'll find it a big help if he has support from other family members in controlling his need to bail out this sorry excuse for a mum.

Tell OH no and point out that you have gone through this before and you have to prioritise your own family unit and not be used by her whenever she is being so irresponsible.

But I was interested in your comment that your OH has no contact with any other family members but his mother. May I ask why that is? Because if it has anything to do with her behaviour or it's because of things she's told OH about them, it may be time for him to reach out to them to rebuild bridges. I think he'll find it a big help if he has support from other family members in controlling his need to bail out this sorry excuse for a mum.

^^ This

If you lend her money you won't get it back. You have offered her a job paying more money and she said no. You have helped her in the past and she's thrown it back in your face. She is emotionally blackmailing your OH.
I was going to say to ask her to do a credit report (which is free) so you can see exactly what debt she has, and only then you will CONSIDER loaning her the money. She'll say no, but maybe you don't need to now!

His father wants nothing to do with him. Grandparents are dead. Aunties and cousins live far away and have never been close. He was never adopted out or fostered