Can't even believe I'm posting in here

[boddtm]

Honestly, questioning myself.
So, I've known for some time a girl at DH work has a bit of a crush. Noticed it on the Christmas do 2 years ago, warned DH - nothing heavy - just a bit of a 'hey heads up be careful" ie don't encourage.
Ff 2 years and since then I've met her a few times over nicey nicey oooh haven't you bagged yourself a good one etc.
Not an issue as far as I'm concerned. I trusted DH and just laughed it off.
Last night he and the team went out. No spouses, not a big deal. I didn't wait up but heard chatting when he got in. She's phoned him from taxi at 2am for a 10 minute chat. He can't apparently remember what about. He's also hidden a photo in one of these photo booths with her and a couple of other team members where she's sitting on her knee.
I'm a bit ragey about this - AIBU?

@ReallyReallyNo I did. Apparently he would be ok about it because he trusts me (ie I rarely leave the house/kids)

@AdaColeman @MyKingdomForBrie
Really? I truly do think he doesn't remember. We've been out just the two of us before and he's been sketchy on events .... this ales me a little wary

As if he can't remember the conversation!

@ReallyReallyNo I did. Apparently he would be ok about it because he trusts me (ie I rarely leave the house/kids)

That’s utter gaslighting bollocks , the insinuation there is that you’re in the wrong and don’t trust him, it’s to wrong foot you in to feeling guilty so that you back off and he can carry on flirting with this woman a

Mmm-hmmm. I'd bet my last quid that he knows exactly what they chatted about at 2am.

YANBU. Not at all.

Course he knows what they were talking about. I'd be going nuclear.

Even if you look at it from the point of view that it's her doing all the running, why hasn't he, in the last two years, told her to do one, stop pestering him, leave him alone because he's married?
She's stroking his ego.
Men love the fact that women find them attractive.
a ten min phone call and he can't remember ANYTHING that was said.....oh please.

Honestly, if I was burgled tonight, while drunk, police came around, then went to bed, I guarantee you, I'd wake up tomorrow and ring the police to report a burglary. I'm brain dead when drunk. People tell me things, and I haven't a clue. I can't drink

Jessica, he hasn't actually done anything!

I’d give him hell too. It doesn’t sound like there’s anything bad done yet, and if there was I’d advise watching and waiting. However he has obviously got very used to her stroking his ego, and that is so disrespectful to you! Especially as he’s known this for 2 years, it’s getting inappropriate big time. She shouldn’t have his phone number full stop.

Make a big deal out of it. Remind him a lot about how he might feel if you did the same. He might then think twice.

Sorry, but I wouldn:t be convinced by his sudden poor memory.

the dynamic here sounds like it’s crossing a line irrespective of content. Why would you call a senior colleague at 2am for ten mins after spending all night out with them? It’s likely not practical reason like am in taxi and John is too drunk do you know his address as it wouldnt be a long call. It sounds like when you fancy someone and you’re disinhibited by drink and it’s exciting and you want to keep the intimacy up and be close to them. How do you know she waited until she was alone before calling if he doesn’t remember anything?

Playing devil's advocate here, would she have rung him once alone in taxi because she didn't feel safe being in a taxi on her own and wanted taxi driver to hear a male voice?

What would I do? I'd ask him what he thought he should do. I'd take my action from there.

@opies I kind of love your optimism. I think I’ve grown to see too much of life to know that that is the least likely scenario.

7Pip how do you know he has not done anything?

Because he came home and the silly woman was still ringing him.

I miss the wild nights out

I know, I know...

She's phoned him from taxi at 2am for a 10 minute chat. He can't apparently remember what about.

I'm a bit ragey about this - AIBU?

Do this

just tell him that this "thing" is becoming an issue and he can either deal with it, or you will :) and then if you can pop in and visit him at work, go in as lunch is about to start and have lunch with him, give her the "look" a few times, also casually mention that you dont appreciate 2 am phone calls, and she should refrain from making any more... let her know by turning up randomly if you can that you are on top of what ever this is!
...silly little girl should realize a married man with kids isnt going to be a great catch, child support, maybe maintenance, 50/50 parenting, possibility of family home not being sold until the kids are out of collage etc she might find being with a divorced man wasn't quite what she imagined...

The only way men ever see our point of view is if you break it down... How would u feel If I did that?? .... And I mean, go into every detail so he gets it.... I'm sure he'll be keeping her at arms length after that

Any chance you can see his phone bill to see if this call was a one off or a regular thing?

Why did he even answer a phone call from her at that time? What was he expecting her to say that needed imparting at 2am?

DoJo why wouldn't he? She was drunk (I'm guessing) and mash have been in trouble? If I was out with my work colleagues and one rang me after I left them in a taxi I'd be worried that they needed help and I'd answer the phone. Taxis are dangerous environments for woman.