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AIBU?

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To decline deathbed visitors?

368 replies

Budgieonaglass · 10/03/2019 20:34

I have namechanged for obvious reasons so please don't out me if you recognise me.

I'll keep this brief as I can.

I'm terminally ill and bedbound. I am being cared for by my parents at their house. I have very limited energy and my drugs make me drowsy. So I do not have many hours when I'm properly awake.

Some relatives would like to visit. I do not believe their visit will bring me any comfort.

I think their main motivation is to be able to tell their church friends they've visited. But perhaps I am being unfair. I find it hard to think kindly of them due to past behaviour and their lack of support since my diagnosis. (This is entirely their choice and we had plenty of support from elsewhere, but I don't think they should expect to be able to swan in at the end, when they haven't been there for the long haul.)

Over Christmas they had the opportunity to speak to me at a family occasion and deliberately avoided me. Despite having been complaining to other relatives that we hadn't invited them to visit. So obviously they are not that keen to spend time with me Confused

My mum wants to invite them, to avoid any family awkwardness. But I feel it would be condoning/rewarding their behaviour. They will never apologise or accept that they have done anything wrong.

Then again, I will be dead soon. I don't want to make life more difficult for my mum. I feel petty using my deathbed to make a stand.

So, would I be unreasonable to say I don't want them to visit?! It's not my house anyway, so at the end of the day I can't actually stop them, but my mum values my opinion.

OP posts:
Sweetpea55 · 21/03/2019 22:24

Wishing you peace budge.xx

RLOU30 · 21/03/2019 22:29

Me too xx

SleepyFlump · 21/03/2019 22:32

Thinking of you Flowers

slipperywhensparticus · 21/03/2019 22:36
Flowers
Filtch · 21/03/2019 22:46

Very sorry Budgie, sending you Thanks

julensaor · 23/03/2019 02:40

We will all be joining you soon @budgie, no help to you really but I will hold you in my heart and Just say no now.

WhiteDust · 24/03/2019 07:03

❤️

twinnywinny14 · 24/03/2019 07:21
Flowers
tessiegirl · 24/03/2019 12:14
Flowers
fussychica · 24/03/2019 12:47
Flowers
Aeroflotgirl · 24/03/2019 12:49

Thinking of you Budgie Flowers.

Glitterblue · 24/03/2019 14:44
Flowers
Justgorgeous · 26/03/2019 22:27

Sending love to you. This post has really touched me. You are just going on a new journey. 🌟

StoneofDestiny · 26/03/2019 22:40

Sending you a 😀 and a 💓.

SkySmiler · 29/03/2019 11:45

In my thoughts budge ✨

tessiegirl · 07/04/2019 18:46

RIP Flowers

ProperVexed · 07/04/2019 19:32

ThanksThanksso sad.

BayandBlonde · 07/04/2019 19:33

@tessiegirl I also checked in today and noticed no more comments from Budgie so I'm guessing she has passed.

Sleep peacefully Budgie Thanks

Absolutepowercorrupts · 07/04/2019 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ as it contains identifying information.

BayandBlonde · 07/04/2019 20:02

Thank you @Absolute

Brilliantidiot · 07/04/2019 20:08
Flowers
Queenofthestress · 08/04/2019 08:06

Fucking hell, you know when you hope for a 'surprise I got better message' and there isnt one Sad

Witchtower · 08/04/2019 08:29

Sorry, what a horrible position you are in. Sometimes when people are faced with these situations they realise what they’ve missed out on and want to say their goodbyes to make amends.

BUT it is totally your choice. Only you know what these people are really like and if you think they will bring you stress then say no, you are not up for it.

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump · 08/04/2019 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Glitterblue · 08/04/2019 21:33

I came back to check and saw budgie hadn't been back for a few weeks so I think she must have passed. RIP budgie.

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