To think that my Scottish accent wasn't posh enough?

[TheGoal]

I was at an event today with my kids. I was invited but I didn't know the vast majority of the other parents/children there.

Everyone at the event spoke with what can only be described as a posh English accent. I don't mean that to sound in any way offensive. I found the group to not be very friendly to me at all. I tried to make conversation with so many people, asking them about their children etc but as soon as I stopped asking questions, the conversation went dead. I got the impression they had no interest in chatting to me.

My background is that I'm from a fairly well off family, had a very comfortable upbringing, but I don't have a posh accent for whatever reason. I just talk, well, Scottish. I don't use slang words, my parents didn't so I suppose you just mirror your parents with that sort of thing. I suppose what I'm getting at is that I don't necessarily sound as though I'm from a well off family.

I found the whole group to be pretentious and my gut is telling me that I just didn't sound posh enough for them to want to mix with me?

Has anyone else experienced this? I'm feeling quite low tonight after what can only be described as a very unpleasant day being made to feel an outsider. It makes me really sad that people would think this way and although I don't have any hard evidence that my accent was the reason, I have a very strong gut feeling. It's sad to think people can be so shallow.

I’m Scottish (from Glasgow and have a fairly well spoken accent) and I’ll tell you one thing, I wouldn’t swap my accent for ANYTHING.

Where the hell are you? 😂 I would have been annoyed if it were me.

OP I’m sorry that you’re feeling down tonight, did the other people know each other? I sometimes find that when a group all know each other it can seem like they’re leaving you out but in actual fact they’re just more interested in chatting to those who they know.

I doubt it was because of your accent

Sorry that was supposed to be

See my accent is actually fairly well spoken compared to people in the town I'm from but a posh English accent just sounds so much more so. It's never something that's bothered me today. Everyone who spoke to me gave off a very patronising vibe, as if i was somehow beneath them. Really wish I hadn't bothered leaving the house today.

Yes, this has happened to me. I have a Northern Irish accent. It isn't pleasant at the time, but in a way it´s their loss. Sad for them that they are stuck in a time warp where your accent decides whether or not you are worth knowing.

That's sounds really weird and absolutely awful. I'm sorry you had that happen to you - people can be so stupid about accents. I've had the opposite - I've got a posh English accent and I've had people react very badly just on the basis of that.

Honestly, if folk were pissy about your Scottishness, you are better off not being around them. Prats!

I'm in the south of England

That should say *until today

Middleclass Scottish is as RP as RP. It's possible that people just didn't know you and weren't sure how to continue the conversation.

Try having a Scouse accent! I'm not from a well off family but I am decently educated, well qualified and nicely spoken. Just got this accent, and I am not modifying it for anyone. People who are snooty about it aren't worth my time, same as these folk aren't worth the headspace for you, OP.

I've had this happen... and an English friend has too.
It's definitely a thing that people do, and it's shitebags for the person being judged/excluded.

I found the whole group to be pretentious

Why worry about what they thought of you when that is what you thought of them? Particularly if they were the sort of group who would, apparently, only speak to someone from a well-off family?

Different situation entirely if you really liked and identified with one or more of the group and they just didn't want to engage. That would be worth reflecting on and trying to understand.

Life is too short, op.

Forget them. The worst I ever had was from another Scot - She was ok until the fateful question ‘so where are you from?’... it went downhill from there!

She was actually from a city suburb that is a bit of a ‘keeping up appearances’ place (we have family there) whereas my parents moved out of the west end to a small town (because we had a huge family and lots of animals). She was definitely one who thought her farts smelled like roses. Feh, her loss.

the goal same here, Scottish and l speak quite well l've been told- however have encountered this on one occasion had some arses do similar at uni, and actually say really patronisingly 'ohh my god, l just don't understand you at all' with pathetic giggly sneer to rest of group.. said a lot more about her, and this girl just ended up looking like an idiot to the rest of those standing there!

^ shit not shitebags.

My phone autocorrects shit to shitebags, I'm not sure if this is a good thing.

Are you ok in general OP? Just seems like a strong reaction to have.

Well when I first moved south I remember having to help out at a posh word event (taking coats). I remember having a rather tense conversation with a very plummy man - neither of us could understand what the other was saying. He was so plummy (sounded as if he had a whole mouthful of plumbs) and he just couldn’t understand me (even though I’ve always been told that I have a very neutral accent). We ended up laughing as it was so rediculous.

It may have been that they had difficulty understanding you and didn’t want to say, I’m from the North and live in the south and have found on quite a few occasions that people can’t get their heads around my accent even though I’m very well spoken and don’t use any slang, it’s just that they’ve never encountered a non southern accent. I’ve actually had to take over calls when I worked in a call centre because people couldn’t understand a Scottish accent, personally I think it’s pathetic.

lordprof Hyndland by any chance?

My phone autocorrects shit to shitebags, I'm not sure if this is a good thing.

Your phone is Glaswegian. I think that's a good thing.

I am from a posh background in N.Ireland but sadly it is all wasted as I now live in England and nobody can pick up on it 😀😀 Tbh the kind of people who care about such things will never be my tribe anyway so I don’t care.

I know i shouldn't care what they thought, especially since they all seemed so pretentious, but I'm someone who likes to make conversation and get to know people. I'm obviously not perfect myself so would give people the benefit of the doubt, even if they did seem a bit up themselves. It was just disappointing to be treated like a lesser person because my accent doesn't fit in with the group.

They could definitely understand me, they all answered the questions I asked, just didn't bother asking any back.

This happened to me once - not because of my accent I don’t think, but because of my appearance. I was at a birthday party for a friend’s daughter - she is very posh (and one of the nicest, kindest people I know) and lives in a really smart area. I found people couldn’t get away from me fast enough and it was really odd (I am pretty good at small talk and can normally chat with anyone). But I was wearing a leopard print dress (this was a few years ago before it was everywhere - I have just always liked it) and I am blonde but hadn’t had my highlights done for a while so I had pretty bad roots and I think I looked a bit ‘cheap’. One woman literally walked away from me as I was speaking. It was years ago now but it still makes me feel horrible when I think about it. So I sympathise OP.

Prof, Newton means????

It may have been that they had difficulty understanding you and didn’t want to say,

^ this, exactly what I was going to say. DH is Scottish and even after 20 odd years of knowing him I can only understand every 3rd word FIL says and my family sometimes can’t understand DH. If people are not used to hearing an accent then it is difficult as it takes familiarity to understand. It could be they were scared to ask something in case they couldn’t understand the reply.

Or they could be self absorbed twats. Who knows but sorry you are feeling so low. I hope you don’t have to meet up with them again. It was definately them not you so don’t waste any head space on them.