To think that my Scottish accent wasn't posh enough?

[TheGoal]

I was at an event today with my kids. I was invited but I didn't know the vast majority of the other parents/children there.

Everyone at the event spoke with what can only be described as a posh English accent. I don't mean that to sound in any way offensive. I found the group to not be very friendly to me at all. I tried to make conversation with so many people, asking them about their children etc but as soon as I stopped asking questions, the conversation went dead. I got the impression they had no interest in chatting to me.

My background is that I'm from a fairly well off family, had a very comfortable upbringing, but I don't have a posh accent for whatever reason. I just talk, well, Scottish. I don't use slang words, my parents didn't so I suppose you just mirror your parents with that sort of thing. I suppose what I'm getting at is that I don't necessarily sound as though I'm from a well off family.

I found the whole group to be pretentious and my gut is telling me that I just didn't sound posh enough for them to want to mix with me?

Has anyone else experienced this? I'm feeling quite low tonight after what can only be described as a very unpleasant day being made to feel an outsider. It makes me really sad that people would think this way and although I don't have any hard evidence that my accent was the reason, I have a very strong gut feeling. It's sad to think people can be so shallow.

Fair mintin like quine?

The first time someone said to me 'fit like quine?' I thought it was an insult 😂. Now fairly educated in the Doric language but still struggle on occasion.

I've found the Scottish to be pretty anti English at times

You may have felt judged by them, but you judged them too with every little evidence. It’s far more likely they either couldn’t understand you, or were more interested in with whom they were already talking to.

I have a Scottish friend who’s lived near me (very south England) since 1998. I still don’t understand everything he says.

I've found the Scottish to be pretty anti English at times

🙄

I've found the Scottish to be pretty anti English at times

That old chestnut again 🙄🙄

Scottish and l speak quite well l've been told- however have encountered this on one occasion had some arses do similar at uni, and actually say really patronisingly 'ohh my god, l just don't understand you at all' with pathetic giggly sneer to rest of group

Yeah, I've had that too. I grew up near Edinburgh and speak "properly". I don't use dialect. I speak standard English, but do have a Scottish accent. Used to work in London and met some very insular people who barely travelled outside the M25 and made a big show of not being able to understand anyone who didn't speak like the Queen. Definitely says more about their narrow-mindedness.

"Ok, fine, except we both lived and worked in Edinburgh."

Well, to be fair, I've heard lots of Scottish people say that Edinburgh is basically part of England.

(I don't think that, but I do think people's views about accents are pretty funny and revealing)

To those saying that this is obviously in my head and something I'm insecure about; I absolutely love my Scottish accent and certainly wouldn't change it. The only thing that differentiated me from the rest of the group was my accent. Nothing else. And they could understand me, because they were easily able to communicate with me when I was asking them questions. No "sorry can you repeat that" or "sorry what did you say there". Yes, I did say I wished I hadn't bothered leaving the house and no, that doesn't mean I'm giving them any power over me. It just means I had a rubbish day being made to feel unwelcome and I'd have ratcheted stay at home on reflection. As I said previously, the group didn't all know one another, they just share a mutual friend, so it's not that they were all part of a clique. The only thing that made me any different from the rest of the group was that I didn't share their posh English accent. What other reason could there be for me being excluded.

Ratcheted should say rathered.

I suspect it's that rather enormous chip on your shoulder, coupled with an evident sense of injury and entitlement.

I didn't share their posh English accent. What other reason could there be for me being excluded.

Hundreds of reasons why they didn’t warm to you but you’re focusing on the one thing you’re insecure about. That’s the thing about insecurities, they demand attention even when they are not attracting attention.

For arguments sake and say these women had taken a dislike to your accent, so what? What exactly does someone’s else’s prejudice about you, say about you? Absolutely, nothing! It’s ok to have a bad day and to wish you had stayed at home but it’s another when the focus is on a thing that isn’t supported by anything other than your own insecurity.

Your initial post goes on about you coming from a well off family but your accent not reflecting your ‘social status’. Would having a ‘posh accent’ make you better or more worthy?

You could be playing ‘posh accent’ trumps with people who are playing a completely different game.

I have no chip on my shoulder and have experienced the same. Also with people with posh English accents. So I believe you, OP, and I don't think it was all in your head.

I’ve actually had to take over calls when I worked in a call centre because people couldn’t understand a Scottish accent, personally I think it’s pathetic.

It's not a character flaw or unreasonable ignorance to not understand an accent. Whether you do or not is just a question of familiarity. My mother is an English teacher whose first language is English, but after watching a TV advert in which two children with Yorkshire accents spoke to each other, she commented that she hadn't understood a word either of them had said. (And I think it was literally just their accent, the words written down would have looked like standard English.)

I could understand them because I'd lived in the UK for 20 years, my mother was just visiting.

I did once see a Youtube clip of some teenagers where, despite being told in advance they were Scottish, their accent was so alien to me that I concluded my information was wrong and they were speaking some Scandinavian language I couldn't identify.

Chavin away, sent and fraxion 😁

awa of course, bloody spellcheck!!

OP - why would you want to be 'welcomed' into any group who were so discourteous? Look elsewhere.
Be confident in who you are and more choosy over who you want to befriend.
I'm a Glaswegian Scot who has lived in England for years. I speak with a clear educated Scottish accent but can easily speak in broad dialect (a great skill that has suited me well in many situations 😂😂) .I couldn't give a stuff what anybody judges my accent to say about me and don't infer anything about anybody else's accent.
Confidence in who you are comes from within - don't let others have any influence over what you think and fell about yourself. Don't hand your power away so easily.

I didn't share their posh English accent. What other reason could there be for me being excluded.

There are a thousand reasons why a person (or group of people) may not warm to another person, even if they are all affluent, all work in the same type of jobs and live in the same type of house, in the same area. I live in the SE of England, I come from Ireland. I have had people not react well to me in both countries - I don't assume my accent has anything to do with it, unless there is some concrete reason to think so.

It does sound like a waste of a day though, and they sound like dull hard work.

Your own economic background is hardly relevant either

It could be that they were all tossers or it could be that you were a bit sensitive and maybe even cake across as a bit frosty.

I don’t know as I wasn’t there. Don’t dwell on it.

Came not cake ffs!

feel not fell (obviously)

What people are saying now on these last two pages, ie chip on shoulder, it could be anything, why let it bother you? is exactly what alot of people say to a black or Asian person, who talks about racism and being othered.

It does matter.
It matters that the op was excluded and the one identifiable reason was her accent.

The UK is a classist and sometimes racist society. The sad thing is that nothing really changes and the people that ignored the op will carry on doing so and living in their own bubble with plu.

And there are always people willing and ready to say it didn't happen, your have a chip on your shoulder etc so the status quo is never truly challenged or changed.

The only thing Op is to ignore all of it and live your own life on your own terms but that's harder said then done, when how people react to you and interact with you can have bad effect:

• stop and search being used badly,
• not receiving good medical treatment as the Dr is not listening to you, as they have already made certain assumptions about you
• not getting the job as all other things being equal, your accent or face does not fit and so on.

These things when they keep happening to a person begin to take their toll. There is only so much that one person can continually brush off.

It's a sair fecht @senttomefromheaven
Gaan doon to the the Turra show quine?

Flirtygirl Have you actually RTFT? The op has received a huge amount of support and reassurance - from me included - but has remained resolutely impervious to any of it and is clearly determined to remain entrenched in her "pity me, you're all wankers" state of mind.