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Original poster

Unreasonable 14 year old - or is it me ?

354 replies

TAMumof3 · 09/03/2019 13:18

My 14 year old son has just swanned in from Tae kwon do practice, ignored the steak bake I've warmed for him for lunch and started cooking bacon and eggs for himself without asking.

He regularly does this - just help himself to whatever food he likes.

I'm particularly pissed off today as I'm just back from a trip from hell to Lidl and have shopped, unpack and written menu and stuck it on the fridge for the week.

Have had a go at him but he refused to stop cooking, left the kitchen in a mess and has now stropped off to bedroom to play computer games .... I have no idea how to parent this.

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 09/03/2019 14:59

happychange what does everyone else in the house do? Should they be left to eat beans on toast everyday just because he fancied the bacon and eggs?!

Also, he's 14, cooking something simple really isn't that amazing...

Hazlenutpie · 09/03/2019 14:59

You are the parent, you are in charge. Set rules, if they are broken implement consequences. If rules are followed, reward him.

IceRebel · 09/03/2019 14:59

MilkTrayLimeBarrel

This is a steak bake.

www.mysupermarket.co.uk/asda-compare-prices/Frozen_Ready_Meals/Tesco_Steak_Bakes_2_per_pack_280g.html

cariadlet · 09/03/2019 15:00

My dd's 16 and has made her own breakfast and lunch for years. I don't think it's rude to help yourself to food in your own house. I also do a weekly menu and she wouldn't eat something needed for dinner one evening, but everything else is up for grabs.

I think it's great when teenagers develop a bit of initiative and independence, although they should clean up after themselves.

If money's very tight then I think that's a case for discussing budgets and agreeing what food can be used without checking rather banning teenagers from sorting themselves out.

Rubusfruticosus · 09/03/2019 15:00

I do think people don't realise what it's like to be on a low budget- if he's eaten all of the eggs and bacon where's the small treat for everyone else?!
I do. Buying basic foods like eggs, bacon, baked beans, bread and so on stretches the money further than things like a steak bake which are only a snack to a 14 year old. Also a 14 year old cooking for themselves is something I'd want to encourage!

AuntMarch · 09/03/2019 15:00

taekwondo lessons are great, but if you are going without and all he's getting to eat afterwards is a nutritionally poor steak bake, maybe as a family you need to reconsider your priorities? Feeding yourselves properly should come before extra curricular activities.

Good point

Sparklingbrook · 09/03/2019 15:00

. For those without Google

Unreasonable 14 year old - or is it me ?
Bouchie · 09/03/2019 15:01

I have a 3 older boys and they are gannets. I have two shelves in the fridge that is only allowed for dinners and a drawer in the fridge and a cupboard thst is only for packed lunches (that they make themselves). Everything else is a free for all as long as they fecking tidy up. then r
there is hell to pay!
I hate find dinner ingredients half used up its really irritating.

Lunde · 09/03/2019 15:01

When you say Steak Bake - do you mean a Gregg's pasty type thing? (That's what came up up when I googled). If you do then I don't think it's enough for a hungry teen who has just done several hours of martial arts training. He must have been starving!

I can understand that you are annoyed but I also think you need to communicate more with your son regarding your financial situation and what food he could eat when he gets back from training. There's no point wasting money on ready-made pasties if they don't even fill him up. Perhaps you could include him in making the shopping list. If egg and bacon is too expensive how about beans on toast or egg and chips and/or beans, pasta and sauce?

I understand that you got into a row and he stomped off to his room - I would however ask him to clean up.

Bohbell · 09/03/2019 15:04

I would have an issue with it OP. We all eat together in our house and i’m in charge of the menu. The others can make their own stuff but not without runnung past me first as it impacts the meal plans i make and my budget. Also, if someone wants loose in the kitchen then unless there is a good reason, they can cook for us all. Which would be great, yet strangely never happens.

dippywhentired · 09/03/2019 15:05

I wouldn't have an issue with him cooking his own lunch, but he absolutely ought to clear up after himself!

What I would have a problem with is him ignoring food I'd already prepared and cooking something else without asking. It isn't about age, I would be pretty pissed off if my DH waltzed in and cooked himself bacon and eggs when I'd already made lunch. That is incredibly rude! My kids also don't get to help themselves to food without checking first either.

CheshireChat · 09/03/2019 15:07

I wouldn't say bacon is cheap at all.

I'd get some bacon bits and leave it for grabs.

PerfumeandOranges · 09/03/2019 15:08

Could you maybe ask him to help you with clearing the kitchen rather than demanding that he comes down and does it by himself?

I know that he made the mess but it might be a way of deescalting the situation.

Teens are under a lot of pressure and something may have upset him at his class and now he feels that that there is more upset at home...he won't be thinking that it's his fault!

IceRebel · 09/03/2019 15:08

What I would have a problem with is him ignoring food I'd already prepared and cooking something else without asking.

We still don't know if the DS actually asked for the steak bake, or if the OP had it ready because she thought he would like it.

Whilst it's nice to have food prepared for you, the DS had been at Taekwondo, and a steak bake woudn't have been enough after a morning of exercise.

nakedscientist · 09/03/2019 15:09

At the weekend I let my teens cook their own lunch. I like a lie-in am glad not to be on lunch duty!

Having said that my teen DS did say " can I make myself scrambled eggs?" He had 5!

So yes manners are always nice.

Helenoftroy1 · 09/03/2019 15:10

I just ask my kids what they want to eat and then prepare it for them. I’d like it if they made their own snacks

VampirateQueen · 09/03/2019 15:12

I can understand you being upset if money is tight, but you need to sit down and explain that to him. If he wants some Independance tell him because of budget you will leave him 2 options, he can choose in the day and sort it himself, that you are proud he is independent, but with money being tight can you please not just walk in and grab whatever, I have budgeted for everyday and if you keep doing this there won't be food for anyone else. Also tell him that if he wants to cook himself, he cleans up the mess afterwards.

BlueJava · 09/03/2019 15:12

I really don't think it's rude to help himself to food! It's his home isn't it? (Not being facetious here!) I am if a random kid comes home with him and the other kid starts cooking... yes a bit rude. But your DS in his own home is normal. I have two 17 yo DS they will often do this - I think it because it means I don't have to do it, they are also becoming independent and experimenting which is great, plus I sometimes stay "can you stick in an egg for me too" and I get a lunch done for me! Sorry, I think you are very UR here!

bullyingadvice2017 · 09/03/2019 15:14

I'd talk to him about the budget. He will have to realise it's not a cafe ...

Nicpem1982 · 09/03/2019 15:14

I think that if the ops budget is tight maybe trying to do a large portion of left over veg soup on a friday night with pasta bits in it or blended with a couple of tins of white beans in it for the weekend as a 'free for all' may be a good idea as its far more filling than a steak bake and theres enough for everyone

Nicpem1982 · 09/03/2019 15:15

How tight is your budget op?

Userplusnumbers · 09/03/2019 15:18

He will have to realise it's not a cafe

He came in and made his own food, rather than choose from the already prepared food - that's the opposite of a cafe...

MuddlingMackem · 09/03/2019 15:18

Blimey! My 15 year old DC is perfectly capable of frying eggs, or making some instant noodles and a bunch of other basic things, but he knowsw that if I haven't asked what he wants for a meal he'll get what he's given. And if it's a day where we're all fending for ourselves he will check with me or DH if it's okay to have what he wants before he gets it, because we meal plan too.

There is always cheese and crackers / toast / biscuits available (unless they run out and nobody bothers to tell me that!) and crisps until they run out but surely it's just considerate to check with the person who organises the meals and the shopping before you take something.

One thing my DC has in common with the OP's is the lack of tidying up after themselves. Still working on that one. Grin

MyKingdomForBrie · 09/03/2019 15:18

My dss 12 enjoys cooking for himself but he would never take without asking. I would always consult him on what I'm making though if I'm cooking for him.

I would say he's welcome to choose what he'd like to eat but you need to know in advance and he needs to be aware of budget - maybe take him shopping so he can see how it adds up.

dippywhentired · 09/03/2019 15:19

I think it's irrelevant whether or not he asked for the steak bake. But then we eat what's on the menu for the week and there isn't the option to eat something else if you don't fancy it. Tough if it's not a favourite meal! I can't be doing with cooking different meals according to what everybody fancies that day.

However, I do agree that a teenager doing the cooking is a good thing! I just think his manners were lacking in the way he went about it.

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