Unreasonable 14 year old - or is it me ?

[TAMumof3]

My 14 year old son has just swanned in from Tae kwon do practice, ignored the steak bake I've warmed for him for lunch and started cooking bacon and eggs for himself without asking.

He regularly does this - just help himself to whatever food he likes.

I'm particularly pissed off today as I'm just back from a trip from hell to Lidl and have shopped, unpack and written menu and stuck it on the fridge for the week.

Have had a go at him but he refused to stop cooking, left the kitchen in a mess and has now stropped off to bedroom to play computer games .... I have no idea how to parent this.

It's not just about growing up poor, having to eat what's been prepared. I think it's about basic manners to eat what you're given. Even if my kids don't like something particularly, they're expected to make a good attempt to eat it, not just go and get something else.

Of course it isn't abusive to ask before using food, Families need to cooperate and someone on a tight budget needs to know what's available. How annoying to go to the fridge and find an ingredient you needed for dinner has gone.

I really like Parma ham and melon.
One dc eats the Parma ham
Another eats the melon 😬

I am boggled at all the people who have had to google a steak bake. It is making me feel terrible common

Hope op is ok. She hasn’t been back.

I know some people find this hard to believe but this sounds so like my own upbringing I am probably projecting.

The conflict another poster talked about is a less obvious part of raising kids in poverty. I am so very lucky now that if my kids fancy something I can almost always say yes. I fancy myself as a good parent who has raised polite and kind children who accept no when they are told. However, the reality is they don’t hear no terribly often and know that something else is just round the corner.

I think people are pretending to not know what a steak bake is for fear of people finding out they have been to Greggs or Asda or something.

I remember standing in line for food when out with my dm and another woman saying how good we dc were as hers would be begging for cake as well as sandwiches. We dc knew there was no cake money so we didn't ask.
That said I stick by thinking a steak bake is more snacky than a post workout lunch.

I wish my 14yr old would cook :(

He's getting an earful, not for using his initiative, but for taking food the family were going to eat another day

My point was, it's not 'nice' of OP to make his food if he's not allowed to make his own. It's fulfilling a basic parental obligation.

Pass 😂 I genuinely didn’t know! I’d call that a meat pie or a pastie

My DC are of the smashed avocado, quinoa and minging green smoothies (that look like frogspawn) genre.

They are also very partial to steak bakes

OP didn't say he ate more than one portion. Or he ate it all. That's just exaggeration.

The point Freckles is that that good was for a special treat for the whole family to eat together.

I think some posters on this thread are deliberately misunderstanding for japes and honestly laughing at poverty is just not funny or cool

Ha, Sparkling, you are so right.
I shop at Asda and couldn't give a fuck who knows.
They even sell kefir and quinoa

Frecklesonmyarm It’s £2.50 for bacon AND eggs. As I said. Even if Lidl or Aldi are cheaper the point still applies because they don’t sell separate slices of bacon or individual eggs. The Op will need to rebuy a packet or box of each.

I think you need to have a chat with him about not using things marked for meals and also about tidying up. Perhaps you can both come up with a few store cupboard items that can be free to use such as eggs, baked beans, crackers, biscuits, toast, pasta and sauce.

The point Freckles is that that good was for a special treat for the whole family to eat together.

Which point. The point that claims he probably ate the ops and other child portion? That wasnt the point at all.

It's simple, theres no portion for him tomorrow morning. I mean I am presuming the OP actually told him that. As in pointed out it was for tomorrow and if he has some now, there won't be any for him tomorrow.

I’d just like to say that I’m certainly not taking the piss.
I am not a snob by any standards.
The name threw me although I’ve eaten plenty of similar things in my lifetime.
I come from good northern stock and have sat in very exclusive restaurants and eaten chips and mushy peas on the beach in Hartlepool.
My parents were extremely poor in the early days, my life now is more affluent but I would NEVER mock poverty, but am able (thanks to my parents) to mix easily with people from all walks of life and certainly make no judgements regarding income, lifestyle, accent etc.
I genuinely didn’t know what a steak bake was.
Rant over

I have a lot of children, three of them young adults/ teens. If they helped themselves to whatever food they liked there would soon be a shortage of food for meals.

They don't have to ask for snacks, breads and sandwich fillings etc, but anything that is intended to be used for a meal I would expect them to run it by us.

OP is going without dinner due to money so if money is that tight he should be asking.

The Op will need to rebuy a packet or box of each.

Why? She didn't say he ate it all or even anyone else's portions. The thread does have people who dont understand poverty. But lots who do are exaggerating and adding in extra shit to try and prove their point.

Asda is on average 8% more expensive than aldi and lidl, when you look across all products. The biggest gap is dairy and meat. Dairy is around 12% and meat 18%. Its almost like I work in the industry.

No point quotes the prices in asda, when the OP hasn't said she shops there.nobpoint saying the boy ate it all, when she hadn't said that.

She dropped a poverty thread and then disappeared while people fight amongst themselves and add details that dont exist.

I can understand people having to work within a budget but 14 is old enough to start learning life skills including preparing their own meals. I would have a chat when you have both calmed down and maybe ask for his input into the shopping list and say in future can he clear up afterwards.

Completely understand, our budget was incredibly tight growing up and when my brother constantly guzzled pints of milk every day it meant mum and I went without.
But I think it’s a positive that at 14 he’s quite capable of cooking his lunch. It’s astonishing how many can’t.
Unfortunately 14 year olds are programmed to be entirely selfish, he simply wouldn’t have considered the implications. he needs to be made to understand that while it’s great that he’s able to cook (maybe work with him on that, do it together if you don’t already) he can’t just help himself as the mood takes, he must ask first.

A teenager who is old enough and competent enough to cook his own lunch is capable of understanding that money is tight, food is planned and budgeted for , and him helping himself to meal ingredients means that someone else goes without.

The OP is already missing meals to provide for her children- it's pretty low to suggest that her children are living a similar existence to Oliver Twist because they should be checking the meal plan before raiding the fridge.

Even if money isn't tight it's not on to not consider others.

There might be money to buy more-but who's expected to do that??

Inertia unless the OP hasn't actually ever pointed this out. She hasn't been back to confirm.

My mum never did when brother was drinking 6 pints of milk a day when he was a teen.

She never pointed out that she went to bed early because she couldnt afford the heating and was cold either.

OP hasn't said anyone else wint have bacon and eggs. She hasn't said he ate more than his portion. So you are adding bits in.

OP could have eaten the steak bake. And he can have ceral or toast when she is having bacon and eggs tomorrow. 99p might sound cheap, but there could have been 3 meals, since she was in lidl today.

I took

"and go without myself"

to mean she went without a steak bake, not go without any calories whatsoever. Or go without a meat or meat-like thing as part of the meal, even. Not "I will consume no calories at all today" which is how some folk seem to interpret the remark. Who TF knows? Op has scarpered.