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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he might be cheating?

220 replies

loveactuallyisallaround · 09/03/2019 00:12

I'm almost due with baby number 1, much wanted by both of us and a struggle to conceive but we're here and so far so good.

Problem is, for about 5 months now my DH has COMPLETELY lost interest in anything to do with me, baby, or us.

He used to be great around the house, real 50/50 with everything, now I can't even ask him to help take the bins out without getting a mouthful.

He doesn't come to any appointments anymore (high risk pregnancy) - not that I'm suggesting he should to be fair, he works, but not only does he not ask, when I try to talk to him or give him updates he just ignores me.

He doesn't want to have sex anymore and we haven't for almost four months, he voluntarily sleeps on our very uncomfortable sofa every night, and can't give me any reason why he doesn't want to sleep in our bed anymore. I have totally given up giving him a kiss or a cuddle because he always pushes me away or rolls his eyes.

He gets in from work and all he wants to do is play his PlayStation until the early hours and I'm not allowed to speak whilst he's on it, which is annoying as I'm on mat leave and look forward to having him home for a chat in the evenings - not asking for a four hour heart to heart but let's at least have tea together and discuss our days???

He's ALWAYS on his phone if not the game and the other day I looked at him whilst he was on his phone, genuinely just looked up at him, and he went crazy saying I was checking up on him?! I was extremely confused.

I've tried to speak to him about it all and he just shuts me down.

We spend zero time together and haven't left the house together in months, he says he's too tired to do anything with me but stays on his game every night until the early hours when he has work at 6.

I can't imagine he's physically cheating because I don't know where he'd find the time, but emotional perhaps?! Something isn't right. Please help because I can't take anymore, I feel disgusting. I tried to kiss him goodnight tonight and he just moved and looked at me 😩💔

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 10/03/2019 09:14

I hope you are OK OP. If you do talk to him, please please please make sure there is someone else present. But I do think that talking to him at the moment may be too stressful for you. I hope that you manage to get to your family where you will be safe and cared for. This difficult time will not last forever, you will get through this and you will be glad that you took action to end this abusive behaviour before it escalated. He is not in charge of your life. You are. If you want to be with your family for support and love and care in the run up to your pregnancy, then that is up to you.. not him. There is nothing to keep you in that hostile environment, which could be unsafe for you in a difficult pregnancy. You will get through this and you and the baby will be fine. Wishing you all the very best

EnglishRose13 · 10/03/2019 09:37

I've read a lot of sad things on here, but there's something about this thread that is really upsetting me. You sound utterly heartbroken.

If you were my friend, I'd do everything I could to help. You clearly have a strong support network so now it's time to use them.

Mustgetonwithit · 10/03/2019 09:48

Thinking of you OP hope yr ok.Flowers

MaryPopppins · 10/03/2019 09:53

This man is emotionally abusing you.

You need to get out before the baby comes.

Or make him get out as it sounds as if you pay for everything anyway.

Please don't let him and the baby love together. You don't need that stress. Xxxxx

Calzone · 10/03/2019 10:18

Where did you stay last night?

BlueSuffragette · 10/03/2019 10:48

Morning OP, hope that you are ok. You would be better off without him. You need the support of your mum and your friends. Best of luck. Flowers

Mummymummums · 10/03/2019 10:53

Hope you are all right OP. I came back to thread this morning to see how you are.
When you go to collect your stuff (assuming you leave), remember to take electric and gas readings and then telephone all bill companies and tell them you've moved out.
Sorry - just a practical point but things to focus on while you're on ML before your baby arrives.
As someone else said, this is your rock bottom and life will get better. You didn't plan to be a single parent but you've got this. Don't bother to keep in touch with him - let him request information from you. Your focus is you and your baby. Don't stress if he's not involved - your baby won't miss a relationship with him when very young. I'm not suggesting you cut him out - just let him come to you for what he wants. If you can't agree arrangements in the future there's always mediation but explain to the mediator the history so he or she is alive to the issues. Step back by using mediation if you need to in future. Right now only agree whatever you feel is right when the baby is very young - you and someone you choose will want to be present I'm sure when he sees the baby when he or she is very young.

Boxingmum · 10/03/2019 11:12

Are you okay? 💐

PinkiOcelot · 10/03/2019 11:22

Hi OP. How are you doing? Hope you’re ok xx

AmIOTTconcerned · 10/03/2019 11:28

His behaviour is shocking to read.OP he is an abusive disgrace of a partner and father to be.

You are a strong and capable woman and I know this because you KNOW this isn't right.

If you can't leave for yourself then leave for your baby and the role model you want to be.

It will only get worse. Please please come back and let us know you're okay. Sending lots and strength and power to you Flowers

threeboysandus · 10/03/2019 12:23

My mum left my dad when I was three and I grew up in a peaceful, lovely home because of her decision to leave.

I know it may seem like the baby is better off having dad around but that's not always the case.

caroline161 · 10/03/2019 16:14

Anyone else worried about the OP ? Confused

Sonicknuckles · 10/03/2019 16:16

It's possible she might have gone into labour

RoboticSealpup · 10/03/2019 16:27

Or she's spoken to her partner and he's convinced her to give him a chance, maybe. Either way, I hope you're ok, OP!

Merryoldgoat · 10/03/2019 16:40

Anyone else worried about the OP ?

Yes, I am. I hope she’s ok.

Boxingmum · 10/03/2019 16:51

Yes I’m worried too, I keep coming back to check .... hope she’s okay. Hopefully she’ll update us soon. I’m wondering if the pains were labour after all ... maybe she’s too busy giving birth.

C0untDucku1a · 10/03/2019 17:00

This man is abusive. It is easier to do
Anything before the baby is born. Now is the best time to uproot and replant somewhere you and the baby can grow in sunlight and kindness.

hope youre ok.

Justonemorepancake · 10/03/2019 17:12

Hope you are OK op. You really, really need to leave this arsehole. I'm sorry.

Jekyllandhydesmother · 10/03/2019 17:38

OP please let us know you're ok?

MaryPopppins · 10/03/2019 19:09

Hope you're ok @loveactuallyisallaround xxxx

shockthemonkey · 10/03/2019 19:33

Hi OP, very very sorry about this and hoping you're OK

Spotsandstars · 10/03/2019 19:59

Just read this thread and it's the first time I've thought ltb. He shouts at you? That is awful. Really hoping you've found a safe place to go, please leave him.

Anon10 · 10/03/2019 20:29

I’m worried about the OP too. Hope she’s ok.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 10/03/2019 20:33

Just read this too. I really hope you're okay OP and have managed to get to a safe place and away from him.

LipstickTaserrr · 10/03/2019 20:58

We are all here for you OP please come back and let us know your OK.
Hope you had a lovely day with your mum and got some plans in place xx

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