DH is known for being disorganised.
However, after DC1 was born, we had a frank discussion about the need for him to be more organised and not leave huge deadlines to the last minute as it would impact me greatly (who was also returning to work at the time).
Fast forward 3 years, we now have 2 DCs. DH has worked until 2am for the last 3 nights to meet a work deadline he has known about for weeks. I return to work next week after ML and I am nervous that he has reverted to old habits. Last week, he socialised 3 week day evenings and so could have prioritised his work then. I have barely seen him for 2 weeks.
DH is stressed and irritable, I have been ill with a virus for the last week and DC2 wakes a lot during the night.
I could see that DH was stressed yesterday so I skipped my exercise class so that he could work (not that he noticed). I felt guilty that I'd not collected DC1 from nursery so that he could stay at work longer, but I feel he uses me and his parents as a back-up far too much and it was his one turn each week to collect him. He also needs to learn that he doesn't have the luxury of being disorganised when he has 2 DCs and I work myself.
I have put together rotas and schedules for the family and myself for when I go back to work so that everything gets done. A great majority of my work has to be done at home so I am anxious about DH not honouring this and using me to fall back on when he can't do his share of pick ups and childcare because he hasn't planned better.
Having not seen DH much in the last 2 weeks to discuss this and what the family needs from him, I spoke to him this morning. My timing was awful as he had just put on his coat to leave the house, but I naively thought he would let me say what I had to say in a few sentences and then go off to work so no chance of an argument between us etc and time to reflect on what I'd said.
What he actually did shocked me.
He began shouting "shut up!" "Shut up!" At the top of his voice. I continued talking because I'm fed up of not getting my say because he's "too stressed" or "too busy" or "too tired" there is never a right time.
He then started kicking the wall and breathing heavily in an absolute rage as he slammed his cup down and left the house.
I've never felt scared of him before, but I was.
He has been immensely stressed out but this could have been avoided with a little planning. I also don't get much time to myself and my recreation time has suffered, partly due to my own guilt about not collecting DC1 so that he could work longer and partly because I just wanted him to complete the task as he's been so wound up.
I've expressed many times over the last 3 years that he can not work this way anymore with a young family to take care of. It means that if we fall ill, everything falls to me as he won't ever miss a work deadline and never has! There has been evenings over the weekend where he has sat and watched TV and he could have atleast done an hour here and there. It impacts on all of us when he spends 3 days working religiously all hours without any warning from him that he's going to be doing it.
He knows he's always got me and his parents to fall on though,which I think is a big part of the problem. His stress/moods and sulking affects us all so we all have to suffer the consequences.
I'm shocked at his reaction this morning. I clearly pushed him too far by bringing this up before he left the house. He has messaged me to tell me how wrong I was to do so when he's stressed, but surely the lesson is for him to bloody organise himself to avoid outbursts like this in the future?
AIBU?