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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is this a MAJOR safeguarding issue?

744 replies

Whatthefudgeisthis · 08/03/2019 03:40

NC for this,

I’ve been absolutely stunned at the ignorance shown by the organisers with this one! A naturist night at the water park 😱 this place is designed for kids entertainment, it’s basically loads of water slides a wave pool and play area etc
Who in their right mind would take a child to such an event. Obviously I’m not shooting down naturists, each to their own, but this is an event that ANYONE can attend. Known paedophiles have attended these events, with one saying that he can’t even swim. What the actual fuck is going on? Who thought this one up?
If adults want to swim naked that’s their call, but why open the event to children too?

I’m pretty sure I’m not the one missing the blindingly obvious here, but I’m so amazed at the stupidity I had to share and maybe raise some awareness.

www.stokesentinel.co.uk/whats-on/family-nude-swimming-session-coming-2589946

These events are being held across the country, so there’s possibly one near you.

OP posts:
RockyFlintstone · 08/03/2019 22:41

Thank you for taking the time to reply guys, I appreciate it Smile

I still think it's a very.... Strange thing to want to get your kids involved with, but different strokes I guess and I'm sure you have their best interests at heart.

Just wanted to pick up on

But if that person started displaying behaviours that they don't usually see all the other adults doing, they would pick up on it. Kids are pretty savvy...

We don't rely on kids being 'pretty savvy' to prevent child abuse, as SinkGirl has detailed above.

TheDarkPassenger · 08/03/2019 22:45

I love how people get up in arms about this stuff and paedophiles but ignore the fact that most CSA happens in the hands of uncle billy

Claireluna5 · 08/03/2019 22:45

@SinkGirl

I would say that we all have filters and triggers that stem from our experiences growing up - for some people like yourselves, some of them are sadly more intense. Being aware of them is half the battle.

And of course you would listen to that within yourself - if you were to try and 'embrace' naturism because you thought that was the only way for your children to have body confidence, but you personally felt hugely uncomfortable with it, you would be doing yourself and your children a huge disservice. I agree with you - body confidence can come in many ways.

I do have to say though, that children 'tag along' with their parents in all sorts of ways. Naturism is a part of life for some families like going horse-riding every Sunday morning is for others. And just as I imagine a parent would listen if a child really didn't want to go horse riding anymore, so naturist parents listen to their children too.

Claireluna5 · 08/03/2019 22:52

@ SinkGirl and @ RockyFlinstone

I think you'll find my second answer addressed how complicated grooming is.

I feel like you're trying to push a point that naturism makes a child more susceptible to grooming. I don't think it's possible to say that at all. Grooming is very individual to specific cases, whether a child is from a naturist family or not.

I can sense that naturism isn't for you - and like I keep repeating, that's absolutely fine :)

RockyFlintstone · 08/03/2019 23:00

I can sense that naturism isn't for you

Damn right! I feel like it would be so weird to be naked in front of like, my friends husband, or for my husbands friends to see my DD naked, whilst also being naked! Argh!

Can I ask how you got into it? Did you grow up in a naturist family, did you meet your partner through the naturism community?

RockyFlintstone · 08/03/2019 23:01

Sorry, my last post seemed a bit rude.

I have never come across a naturist before and assumed they were all in their 60s and 70s!

Claireluna5 · 08/03/2019 23:08

Lol, don't worry, I'm used to all sorts of reactions.

And I do understand - I'd feel a bit weird I think if one of my non-naturist friends wanted to try naturism with me, after so long of knowing them clothed. So yeah, I do get it!

For us, we were on holiday as a family when our children were 1 and 2. We were in Gran Canaria and trying to find a quiet part of the beach. We walked some, and then congratulated ourselves for finding the quiet part, only to spot a naked couple playing beach ball. By this point my children were pretty much naked anyway, as small children on beaches have a tendency to do, my husband was hot and sweaty and just looked at me and said "well I'm game if you are"!! lol. I spotted a naturist family, so thought, well, if they're doing it, it can't be that bad! So we found a secluded spot and gave it a whirl. And we went back to that beach every day after that...So it just came from that really...

BokoTheChocobo · 09/03/2019 01:43

In Finland people sauna naked, and that includes children in public saunas. Is the whole country of Finland a "safeguarding issue?'

SinkGirl · 09/03/2019 07:41

And of course you would listen to that within yourself - if you were to try and 'embrace' naturism because you thought that was the only way for your children to have body confidence, but you personally felt hugely uncomfortable with it, you would be doing yourself and your children a huge disservice. I agree with you - body confidence can come in many ways*

Yes, and as an adult I could choose not to continue it - I’m not sure children can make that same choice, especially if it’s something their parents really enjoy.

You mentioned kids being savvy before and they are, but not in the way you meant - they know what will upset their parents or cause problems and keep things to themselves often. I did it with my abuse, knowing that it would cause issues for my mother.

There’s been lots of posts in this thread that clearly still maintain that paedophiles can be spotted a while off, wearing dirty macs (or not in this case!), and would be noticeable from their odd behaviour. That’s really not how this works. Often they’re the last person you’d suspect.

Above it was stated that naturism is just doing normal things while naked. So when you take your children, do they sit on other adults’ knees? Do adults tickle them, play with them? Those are normal things to do - are they encouraged or discouraged? If so, why?

Claireluna5 · 09/03/2019 09:49

"I’m not sure children can make that same choice, especially if it’s something their parents really enjoy."

I can only speak for myself and I'm comfortable with my relationship with my children and how we discuss and talk about things.

"You mentioned kids being savvy before and they are, but not in the way you meant - they know what will upset their parents or cause problems and keep things to themselves often. I did it with my abuse, knowing that it would cause issues for my mother."

The question asked was whether a naturist child would know the difference between an adult being naked in a naturist way or in a intended 'sexual' way. And yes, I believe a naturist child would. I didn't say anything about whether they would then tell anyone - like you yourself said, some kids keep things to themselves. And if they are keeping things to themselves then they have understood even on a subconscious level that something 'different' is happening. So the savvy comment was in relation to them knowing the difference.

"There’s been lots of posts in this thread that clearly still maintain that paedophiles can be spotted a while off, wearing dirty macs (or not in this case!), and would be noticeable from their odd behaviour. That’s really not how this works. Often they’re the last person you’d suspect."

Absolutely - and this whole furore around naturism has been on the implication that the single men attending the event were going purely to seek out children - that whole stereotype of men of a certain age, of a certain description, lurking in corners waiting to pounce on children. This is a very dangerous stereotype.

Believe me, I know very much how complicated and subtle grooming is. Remember, within naturism, families are spending time together and then they go home and carry on with their usual lives. So grooming will be on their radar in the scope of the whole of their lives as it is for any parent.

"Above it was stated that naturism is just doing normal things while naked. So when you take your children, do they sit on other adults’ knees? Do adults tickle them, play with them? Those are normal things to do - are they encouraged or discouraged? If so, why?"

I guess here we come across a difference in the definition of normal - I don't think I'd find that situation (other adults tickling my children or them sitting on their knees) normal regardless of where I was.

All I can say is, for me personally, we find naturism relaxing, enjoyable, freeing. The community is friendly, welcoming and respectful. It isn't for everyone, but that's life a hundred times over with many things...

I really do understand that you find the idea triggering, and my heart goes out to you. Please don't distress yourself with the details. I feel that you are taking the responses I give and putting them into your own personal experience. For that reason, I don't think I'm able to answer any more challenges. I wish you much love xxxx

grinningcheshirecat · 09/03/2019 10:07

Isn't it a bit weird that so many people comment that children are not consenting to be nude at these events and that they should be banned in case of peadofiles but nobody says the same thing about the catholic church..

Meandmetoo · 09/03/2019 11:34

Claire, perhaps you could give your opinion on these events requiring pre-registration and id? Why has that been put in place do you think?

pollymere · 09/03/2019 17:29

My dd finds nudity of either gender horrible. She doesn't think men should go topless even. I don't think such events should be inflicted on any kids.

blackshadow · 09/03/2019 17:44

If you're happy with it then go and take your children then fine. If not, nobody is forcing you to go. Each to their own

Rabblemum · 09/03/2019 17:46

Get a grip, if you were going to this event you’d be with your children the whole time and give them stranger danger guidelines. The horrible truth is a predtor is useally someone you know and has groomed your child. Maybe if we all saw average bodies in the flesh we wouldn’t be so hung up on our flaws.

Rosesandchocolate · 09/03/2019 17:54

Why would families want to take their kids to such an event anyways??
Ok nudists over 18 have made that choice for themselves but to then force children to see private areas and show their own is a nono. Disgusting. I might get neagative comments but I think that any child taken to such an event should be looked into by the socials. This is such a safeguarding concern.

Missingstreetlife · 09/03/2019 18:03

There is risk everywhere! Paedophiles in every street probably, atschool at nursery, church, youth club, in the corner shop at soft play, in your baby sitting circle. Literally they can be anywhere. So we protect children and we talk to them about it, just like we teach them to cross the road safely and keep an eye on them till they are old enough to do it alone. We don't say never go near a road. I'm out I think op is not going to accept that she's wrong. She has every right to protect her children but prudery won't help.It's not nakedness that causes abuse it's more complex about power and sexuality and patriarchy. Child protection services have assessed this and found it properly regulated. End of

Missingstreetlife · 09/03/2019 18:03

Not nakedness obvs

PinkPanther27 · 09/03/2019 18:07

Not read the full thread but those of you saying kids are safe if supervised are wrong. Naked children would be at high risk of being victims of non contact sex offences, once the images are on the internet you'll never get rid of them all.

ToftyAC · 09/03/2019 18:14

Kids must attend with parents and be supervised at all times. As such, I’m really not worried. Do people honestly think paedos aren’t on the prowl at swimming pools or water parks all the time? I think naturism is pretty misunderstood.

Passenger42 · 09/03/2019 18:34

Who in there right mind would want to take kids to such an event to allow perverts to look at their little ones. Also what sort of person wants to go down a slide with nothing on in public. World has gone bonkers!

Catsinthecupboard · 09/03/2019 18:36

It is insanely naive to believe that the children are safe from covert photos/video.

Yes. Children are all over in public, but NOT NAKED!

Nakedness is a natural state but there is a reason that modesty and covering up is the norm.

Bobaboutwhat · 09/03/2019 18:37

I just can’t believe this, I really thought it was going to be a stupid “fake news” thing. So this actually happens?? All the people on here saying condescendingly - oh you do know its usually family members don’t you and oh well you better ban children from going anywhere... errr that’s why we do everything possible to risk assess when it comes to safeguarding children like...I dunno...ensuring they’re not bloody naked in public!! This has to be the most bizarre and disturbing thing I’ve heard in the context of it being under the guise of normal!?

BrizzleMint · 09/03/2019 18:47

I don't agree with it, the children should be either old enough to consent themselves or not taking part in the event. It annoys me when parents post photos of their children online with no/few clothes on and so on as where is the consent?

sunshinemode · 09/03/2019 19:06

Why would taking your kids to such an event identify shit parents for social services. Children seem to me to be at far more risk within their own families and with family friends or goining to church. The vast majority of children abused know their abusers well