To ask why people try to talk you out of BF?

[jcmayj]

Since finding out I was pregnant with DS I've said I want to try breastfeeding and will try to persevere at it, as I really want to do it.

I'm more than happy to move onto FF'ing if it doesn't work out and am happy to do whatever as long as he is being fed.

I've expressed my wishes to DM, MIL and other friends and family and all of them have tried to talk me out of it!

Comments such as "you won't like it", "it's difficult", "it's easier to formula feed him" have made me feel really disheartened.

AIBU for feeling like this?

It ruins lives

I've seen some melodramatic bollocks posted on here in my time but this gets 1st prize - breastfeeding ruins lives 😂😂

OP YANBU I've noticed it too and I think that actually people are defensive about their own choices. They judge themselves. I have BF 2 children very successfully into toddlerhood and loved it, wouldn't swap it for FF for the world. And IME formula looks like much much harder work. I remember being with a FF (by choice) friend in a cafe when our DC were tiny and her saying it looks too hard to BF and FF was soooo easy. My DD latched on after some fuss, and she'd made her bottle too hot and had to stand in the toilets cooling it down under the tap while her DS screamed the place down. Certainly didn't look easier to me!

Breastfeeding was the easiest thing ever! Fed dd for 3 years, ds for 2 years, had no problems.

Read up about it, op, and don’t let your family put you off...

You can’t win on this one. I have a DM who Is VERY pro BF and a MIL (well DP’s mum) who is VERY pro formula, because she and her two daughters all failed to establish BF. You just have to do what works for you and screw what people think. I’m nine weeks into EBF - the first two weeks were very hard but it’s now incredibly easy and I’m glad I persevered.

FF might have worked for them and made it easier for the parents but everyone has different opinions on what's best.
It's your body and your decision to make you might actually find that BF works for you don't let anyone put you off.

Blimey, carpetgate is literally full of shit!! I have happy relationship, great career and breastfed both of mine until 2 and tandem fed for about 9 months.

It is hard work at the beginning but so so worth it for me. Wait and see what happens, if you want to do it then give it a go and ask for help if you struggle but if you can't, be kind to yourself.

I wouldn't even discuss it with them, it's none of their business! I remember having a random text off my dad asking me if I was breastfeeding (we aren't particularly close, his side of the family are very pro breast feeding) I was like umm no. I found it really odd lol.
Whatever you decide, do it because it's what you want for your baby!

I didn't RFFT but I think it's because they didn't do it, or did but didn't get on with it, quite often. And people often extrapolate from their own experience.

Extrapolating from mine, I did several times and only one baby drove me mad for a few weeks. Overall it was more than worth it.

The first 2-3 weeks had tough points with sore nipples, but the chemist has cream for that. After that it saved me all sorts of work and stress, and I'm glad of it now, even though they are adult (just).

And any equality they had in their marriage. It ruins lives. The happiest parents you'll see (well-rested, good marriage, good careers) use formula”

Do you work for a formula company?

Thanks all for your lovely comments! It's given me a lot of hope and confidence to know that BF can be successful

Buy lots of lansinoh nipple cream for the first couple of months @jcmayj, hopefully you'll enjoy breastfeeding.

Ignore them, they're from a generation where bf-ing was not promoted.

In educated, middle-class areas, literally everyone breastfeeds and you barely ever see a bottle. It doesn't come naturally to most people, but don't give up and keep preserving (and don't listen to your unhelpful relatives). Don't leave hospital until you've got a basic bf-ing technic and find out where your nearest drop in clinic is for advice, and go, you'll need to at least once.

If you can buy the Clare Byam-Cook breastfeeding book and dvd, or watch her clips on YouTube, I found her technique much easier than what the midwives told me.

You can do it OP.

@givemesteel thank you!!

Honestly, I think a lot of people who FF in previous generations and now see that all the world's health organisations now affirm that breastfeeding is best, feel retroactively guilty. And they don't want to be confronted with their choices by having a daughter/DIL who "does it the right way." They feel like it's rubbing it in their face.

I've BF my DCs for 15 months each, even when I went back to work. It was hard for the first few weeks and then it became very easy. DC2 is a really good sleeper and has been since birth, despite people saying BF babies don't sleep. I have no regrets.

If you want to be successful in BF it helps to have friends who also do it. Look for a local La Leche League or breastfeeding group with expectant/new mothers. Good to have a bitch on WhatsApp over some stupid comment from a relative.

Everyone h a s an opinion on this and you will never be right. If you want to you can. They think they're helping somehow and don't realise they're setting you back instead. Best of luck OP

Ignore them! Plan to bf your baby if at all possible .
Fed is best but breadfed is better .

Breast

Also be prepared to ignore them if they comment on how frequently baby is feeding and suggest it's that you don't have enough milk. Some newborns would stay on the boob 24/7 if they could, it doesn't usually mean they are starving.

God, this thread is bumming me out. I read those of you saying you breastfed and loved it and I’m so envious, and utterly bewildered as to how you made it work.

OP, that may be one reason people discourage you. For many of us who couldn’t make breastfeeding happen, it will always sting a bit to see other women succeed at it. It’s not rational, but there it is.

Breastfeeding IS hard work and can be painful . If you can make it to 8 weeks the rest is a breeze . Except for the lack of sleep , it’s a killer .
Formula feeding is so so much easier - I think that’s ultimately why so many either start with ff from the off or switch quite quickly . We don’t expect to struggle with anything nowadays and at the first sign of a hurdle we go for the easiest opinion.

@Livingoncake I feel the same way Every one of my friends who’ve successfully bf, a tiny part of me has hoped it wouldn’t work out so that just one of them might ff too and I wouldn’t be such an outlier. Even though I know how much it hurt me to feel like a failure and I don’t want any of them to feel that way. It’s definitely not rational. As someone above says, if you’re in a leafy middle class area, every bugger around you breastfeeds and I wasnt half ostracised with my bottles of formula .

Breastfeeding is not best for all families. The OP should of course be encouraged to try and given support, and she’ll most likely succeed.

@purpletigers has hit the nail on the head.

There will always be an exception where some women just can't breastfeed but many people just find it easier to ff as there does seem to be more of a routine for it. And they can leave baby for more than an hour without worrying.

Society has changed everyone to want things to be quick and easy. In the early days bf is neither of those things. I was lucky that dd was a quick feeder but even my mum who bf all her children questioned if dd got enough milk. But I could see the milk in her mouth and it squirting across the room (on her face) when she came off too soon. So I was confident enough to stand up for me and her and do what she needed me to do and when she wanted.

Even in the 70/80s bf women seem to think it should only be 4 hours but the bit of advice that always stuck with me was that when we are hungry or thirsty as adults we might grab a quick snack, a biscuit or a bit of fruit, glass of water or cup of tea .... babies are no different , sometimes they might want dinner (3 course meal with a bottle or wine) sometimes they might want elevensees or a light snack with that little drink. So they might sit down for an hour or 2 to get their full meal or they might pop on for 5 mins for that biscuit and tea.

I fed on demand because if I am hungry or thirsty i get something to quench that so I was not going to deny my baby the same privilege and it just so happened I was the source of that food/drink.

I bf both of mine until about 13months. Some people find it easy straight off. Some people find it very hard. Initially I was one of the latter. I needed lots of help to get it right. And I had to basically scream to get it. I was in a lot of pain too. After that it was then, to me, vastly easier than all the paraphernalia of formula. It helped getting my DS and DD to sleep and in comforting them when they were upset. I did though have a timetable and never fed “on demand”.

A friend of mine told me that “breastfeeding is the best thing, except when it isn’t - in which case it’s the worse thing”. So, if you want to bf, DO. Ignore the naysayers. If it works fine, wonderful. If you are prepared to work at if needed, wonderful. If you feel it’s not working out, and you feed formula, wonderful. Whatever, if your baby is fed and loved, you’ll be doing great.

Maybe your DM and DMIL want the baby on formula so they can babysit!

Since being pregnant, I have learnt that everyone will try and give you advice on what you should and shouldn't do, even if it contradicts what they do themselves.

Do what you want and ask them to stop giving you unrequested advice.

I have also had people try to talk me out of BF because it didn't work for them. That's fine and if it doesn't work then I will FF, just like they did. I won't jump straight to FF based on somebody else's experience.