To ask why people try to talk you out of BF?

[jcmayj]

Since finding out I was pregnant with DS I've said I want to try breastfeeding and will try to persevere at it, as I really want to do it.

I'm more than happy to move onto FF'ing if it doesn't work out and am happy to do whatever as long as he is being fed.

I've expressed my wishes to DM, MIL and other friends and family and all of them have tried to talk me out of it!

Comments such as "you won't like it", "it's difficult", "it's easier to formula feed him" have made me feel really disheartened.

AIBU for feeling like this?

I was disappointed at the time to not be able to continue BF but I knew it was the best thing as I was starting to worry about my mental health.

19 and 17 years later I don't give it a second thought.

Some shite comments. I have never had any issues BF and my marriage is very happy. My DH has never and will never say anything bad about. For him it's the most natural thing to witness me do.

See how it goes, you might not have any issues at all.

BF is a lovely thing. It releases oxytocin making you relaxed and calm. It can be hard to start with but it really gets much easier. My mum was horrible and made nasty comments but just ignored. It's free also so can save you money, you may lose weight and lots of health benefits also. Don't let them put you off.

So many people are arseholes to pregnant women and new mothers. Everyone has an opinion on you, your body, your baby, your choices. It’s fucking endless.

Ignore them and do what suits you.

I have a 4 week old and I’m exclusively breastfeeding him. It’s hard but also amazing.

The first few days were incredibly difficult. I’d strongly recommend doing a lot of research into understanding latch before you give birth. I wish I had.
I saw a breastfeeding support nurse around day 5 and the difference she made is probably what enabled me to continue. She showed me how to get a good latch and it reduced the pain so much.

Look on YouTube at videos for exaggerated latch, there’s one by an older American lady called Corky and she talks you through it step by step.

Also I found washable breastpads by cheeky wipes amazing, my nipples stuck to all the other ones I had so I was damaging them every time I took my bra off to feed. I put the smooth side to my skin.

Use loads of nipple cream, lansinoh is great.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Oh and if you need support you could contact La leche league if none of the women around you seem supportive, it can help a bit.

Well if they never even tried it what the hell would they know?!

I have no problem with people saying "this is what worked for me" but to criticise something they've NEVER even tried?! Ffs! That's ridiculous.

I found my mum and mil tried to talk me out of it because they wanted to be able to give a bottle. No one else cared. They got to give a bottle when I moved to ff at 6 months. Ignore and do your own thing.

I prepared for both eventualities. Had formula all ready and some bottles but also nipple cream and shields.

Its hard to start with, I had engorgement when dd was a week old so i went to a bf group and the lady sat with me and helped me get dd latched on and showed dh the right position so he could help me as well.

Our relationship is as strong as ever and he has a wonderful bond with dd.

I bf until she was about a year when she started biting. By that point It was only 2 feeds a day and I changed to bottles.

When it came to grandparents. I went out in the evening a few times when she was about 4 months. I expressed enough milk for an evening feed and also left formula just in case. Dd was fine and we had no issue with nipple confusion.

I didn't introduce dummies or bottles until 6 weeks to make sure we didn't get any confusion though.

Tell you mil to do one. I hate when the gps think you are giving birth to their next child. They seem to forget it yours.

Follow your instincts and do what feels right for you. In my circle of new mum friends some of us bf some ff. No one judged each other and we supported each other with needs. When we had get togethers Ladies would hand me my cup of tea while I bf. I would get them kettles of boiling water or clean bottles etc for them.

BFing is one those things people massively over think. Give it a go. If you like it continue. If you don't there are alternatives.

I tried it, liked it & did it for 8 months. No dramas. Equally friends tried it, didn't get on with it for whatever reason & FF. No biggie.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=7FJuBn2bgNk&list=PLdFq06OG32EvCZmWHQ-deBsA2G6zH2maE&index=2&t=0s

GREAT video on feeding position. Be quite strong when placing baby on to your breast.

I’ve found the opposite to be honest, people being judgemental about using formula.

I bf for a year each time. Always found it really hard for the first 6-8 weeks but I was determined to put the benefits to my baby first. Yes it's time consuming, yes it's a pain no one else can do it, yes it stops you having a social life for a bit but you can always introduce a bottle of formula once a day after several months. Also, as they begin to wean, feeding becomes less often anyway.
On the other hand, if it is a physical impossibility to bf, you shouldn't beat yourself up either.

I had 4 children and breastfed all 4. Two were straightforward, two less so. It did not destroy either my life or my marriage. Only one had sleep problems. If you want to breastfeed, tell these people to stfu and do what you want, it’s YOUR baby, and no one while know it as well as you do

Meh. Doesn’t matter if you BF or FF some cunt is always going to be offering their unsolicited opinion on how you feed.

Breastfed DS1, FF my premature DTs. Got shit for both, the lectures for FF were worse though.

I have 3 dc - youngest is 6 months. I've breast fed all 3 and currently feeding dc3.

With dc1 I didn't put any pressure on myself to do it. I just thought if I can do it I will. If I can't, I can't. And I could with no problems.

One particular friend who had a baby slightly older than ds couldn't stand that I was breastfeeding. She used to send me messages recommending certain formula to try instead. She just wouldn't drop it. So I unfriended her.

Dc2 had a tongue tie which wasn't detected for 3 weeks. I was so so sore, it hurt like hell to feed her and she was constantly miserable too (understandably). We didn't know it was a tongue tie but friends and family couldn't understand why I was persevering! Because I wanted too! I wasn't given up. We had the tongue tie sorted and I fed her for 14 months.

Dc3, not really any comments. I was always going to breast feed. But now I get 'oooo your doing well, 6 months and still feeling, when are you going to stop?'

I'll stop when me and baby are ready and not before!

Bottom line op - there's always going to be judgy people around you. Especially as it's your first time. Because people think just because they've been where you are, they know it all!

If you formula feed, you will be asked why you didn't breast feed.

If you give baby a dummy, I can guarantee you will get someone saying you shouldn't.

When you decide to wean, someone will say it's too early/too late.

It's crap but it's just the way of the world, full of know it alls!

Do what's right for you and your baby! Try breast feeding but if you find it too hard or it's not for you.....then so what. Go to formula :-) no biggie.

Breast feeding is tiring. And demanding. So so so demanding. Some people just don't like it. For me, it's all about the bond I get with my baby, it's like nothing else.

Good luck up, don't let the judgy arses bring you down. Do what's right for YOU and baby. At the end of the day.....as long as you feed your baby....you can't really go wrong! X

I think, and it's evident on this page, that breastfeeding is lauded as this amazing wonderful thing to do and no one who is pro bf will have a word said against it. I've seen a lot of friends struggle a lot with bf and sleep deprivation as a direct result of bf, it's also a concern when you return to work as a lot of bf babies won't take a bottle. I think the people you know are just saying it's not perfect (neither feeding option is perfect) and it's ok not to do it if you don't want to.

DM and MIL never even tried breastfeeding so their comments must come from feeling some sort of embarrassment 

Think you've hit the nail on the head there OP! I ff my baby and seriously regret not even giving bf'ing a go and do get embarrassed slightly because of it although I'd never judge another mother for doing the same, it's just my perception for myself.

All the very best OP and just do whatever you think is best x

The people who tried to talk me out of it, my mum & gm etc have not bf and so do not understand the benefits of bfeeding.

Personally its great, my lo is 1 in 3weeks time and iv never had to sterilise and clean bottles, i dont need to carry and prep to go out and nightfeeds are super quick since all i do is rollover and pop my boob in his mouth.

I now have same people mythering me that its time to stop....you would never believe it is so unsupportive from family members

Because you see your friends lives go down the pan once they start. And any equality they had in their marriage. It ruins lives

Are you sure you're not getting mixed up with crack cocaine?

Because people think that they have some right to pass judgement or comment about other people's parenting.... and bf vs ff is a hot topic in media.
OP do what you want to do, seek support and advice and I'm sure whatever happens you will ha e done the best for you and your baby.
As for the shitty comments about it ruining marriages etc. I bf both my children and am very happily married. Yes I'm tired but I doubt that is more to do with babies generally not sleeping loads than breastfeeding. My dh pulls his weight etc. Don't blame people's shitty partners or relationships on one small choice they make in parenting. Oh and both my sister's ff cause they wanted their partners to be involved. Both divorced. It had nothing to do with baby milk and lots to do with shitty situations.

Formula feeding isn't the arduous task some people would have you believe. It was very simple to do even 17 years ago.

I did find that friends who found it really easy to BF just couldn't understand why I couldn't and would say so.

I assumed I’d ff fed, bought all the gear bar the actual powder only planned on giving the first milk. Pink bottles the lot.

Skip to now and mines just over 3 months, I said if defo stop at 3, now I’m saying i’ll Stop at 6 😂🙈

At first it is hard, but use nipple cream and be prepared for it to be painful at first but it gets better (has for me) I have good days and bad but I’m still going. 👍🏻

My daughter is so strong, her skin glows and she’s got beautiful shiny hair, she could have all this regardless, but she’s never needed the doctors, never had any problems pooing or with wind ect, never sick so I can dress her in all cute outfits. So although Bf is hard I’ve found the rewards great.

Do what works for you. X

The happiest parents you'll see (well-rested, good marriage, good careers) use formula.

Words can't express how ridiculous that is

My experience:

Whilst you're pregnant, everyone pushes 'breastis best,' as soon as you start and encounter difficulties of any sort (which are totally normal for the first 6 weeks) everyone wants to hand you formula.

For various reasons, we had to combi feed our DS for the first three weeks. I had loads of issues and I felt there was quite a lot of pressure to quit.

Oddly perhaps, that pressure made me determined not to quit (and I'd been pretty so-so during pregnancy). Baby boy is 6 months and hasn't had formula since week 3. Fortunately, I did get support when I made it clear out wanted to keep going. I'm also lucky that my DH and DM have also been there for me.

Today, my baby boy pulled the nipple guard off (suggested by one of the lactation team at my health board) and latch directly on himself.

I am literally overjoyed!

OP, you do you. If you want to, you can. Just make sure you have support lined up (whatever you choose) ahead of time if you can. Especially of you are already experiencing pressure.

DH and I have a pretty good split on things too. When he's around all nappies are his domain to sort :)