To ask why people try to talk you out of BF?

[jcmayj]

Since finding out I was pregnant with DS I've said I want to try breastfeeding and will try to persevere at it, as I really want to do it.

I'm more than happy to move onto FF'ing if it doesn't work out and am happy to do whatever as long as he is being fed.

I've expressed my wishes to DM, MIL and other friends and family and all of them have tried to talk me out of it!

Comments such as "you won't like it", "it's difficult", "it's easier to formula feed him" have made me feel really disheartened.

AIBU for feeling like this?

Because you see your friends lives go down the pan once they start. And any equality they had in their marriage. It ruins lives

Breastfeeding ruins lives????!!!!!

Because you see your friends lives go down the pan once they start. And any equality they had in their marriage. It ruins lives. The happiest parents you'll see (well-rested, good marriage, good careers) use formula.

Well there's a steaming pile of horse shit, right there.

OP, are they perhaps trying to manage expectations? Or doing that thing people do where it's better to say something than nothing?

BF has it's pros and cons and FF has it's pros and cons, different methods work for different families and for different DC in the same family. It's good you're going into it with an open mind. I'd recommend finding a drop-in BF group locally for support, buy a big tube of Lansinoh, and remember that the first 6wks (+/-) are the hardest.

I found the opposite tbh. I failed at bf despite being surrounded by generations of successful breastfeeders who all banged on about how wonderful it was, and all of my friends bf, all of my NCT Group bf...to be honest I kind of wish I’d had a bit more negativity to balance it out so I hadn’t felt like such a massive failure when I had to stop. It’s equally as shit being the odd one out formula feeder as I’m sure it must be to breastfeed without any friends or family or peer experience of it.

CarpetGate what rubbish 😂.
I’m currently breastfeeding my third. My life and marriage are still going great thanks!
I haven’t personally experienced this, but I’m generally known as being fairly assertive so they probably knew that wouldn’t change my mind. I think for some, they feel like breastfeeding will exclude them from caring for the baby (which isn’t the case) and I think sometimes people who didn’t manage to breastfeed feel a bit defensive/put out when others do.

They do this because they didn't breastfeed. It's not you they're trying to convince of the benefits of FF, it's themselves. Ignore it. Most advice you will get is it actually about you, it's about the person giving the advice. Smile and change the subject if it's not helpful.

You do what you want to do. However, breastfeeding can be hard. You either need lots of support in that situation or to be a stubborn old bag, like me.

My mother was like this. Not sure why, since apparently she breastfed me and my siblings. I actually think it's because she was somehow embarrassed by it and didn't want it to be done in front of her.

I can understand supportive type comments such as 'Give it your best shot, but don't be downhearted if it doesn't work for you' but not actively trying to put people off like the OP says.

I did persevere, but it was painful to start with. That's the only thing - otherwise fabulous once the pain fades because as everyone says - milk on tap, no need for sterilising/boiling water/carrying all that around with you!

I had the same negativity from family but I wanted to breastfeed so didn't take any notice of them. I found breastfeeding really easy after the first couple of weeks so I'm glad I didn't listen.

I never wanted to BF and have always been really squeamish at the thought of it but wanted to try it for as long as possible (a month if I could make it). 7 months in and I love it. I haven't had a single problem doing it, it's so easy to soothe your baby instantly and I will miss it when I have to go back to work. It is tough in terms of sleep though as FF babies generally sleep longer and you can have more of a schedule in the daytime. Good luck with it!

Yes to embarrassment. I get the impression some family members would rather I didn't simply because they run away when I need to feed him and go and stand in the kitchen. I am perfectly happy to breastfeed in public, let alone at home with family!

My prude MIL was very embarrassed by breastfeeding and continually asked "but how do you know they're getting enough?!" She also preferred to try and move me to her bedroom when I was feeding "as FIL would be embarrassed" You couldn't tell I was feeding and FIL didn't give a shit...it was all her hang ups. Needless to say she bottle fed all 3 of hers and didn't entertain breastfeeding. I used to just ask her what she thought breasts were actually for?!

Good grief, how are there WOMEN telling other women that breastfeeding is unhealthy?!!
OP if you want to do it, give it a go. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, we are lucky enough to have a decent substitute readily available in for.
Also Carpetgate, I certainly don’t feel breastfeeding has ruined my life, I’m happily married and also working, whilst still feeding my toddler at night.

for=formula

I think because it's not as common as ff. It's becoming more and more popular and normalised now though. Op I'm sure you've noticed everyone has something to say when you are pregnant, from the shop keeper to the person at the bus stop. Just wait till you start getting the labour horror stories. Bf gets so easy after the first 8 to 12 weeks. You should start looking up Kellymom.com.It's a fantastic bf resource. There is a part about what to expect in the early days, you should give it a read. Congrats on your pregnancy!

my mum was very negative about me bf and always made negative comments.

I’m still breastfeeding my almost-15-month-old DD. I was happy to formula feed, and thought I would probably combination feed as I’m a single parent and suspected I’d want a hand from family, however for various reasons bottle/formula feeding did not work out for us. Breastfeeding was really, really tough for me in the beginning (oh I wanted so much to quit and did for almost 24 hours) but I kept going and it all clicked into place. It’s so easy. I love it, I love that my DD still loves it and hope we continue for a good while yet. So please don’t be out off OP - it’s your and your DS’s journey, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

I agree I think people want to affirm the choices they made for themselves.

And while breastfeeding can be hard in the early days I really struggle to see how it can ruin your life.

The happiest parents you'll see (well-rested, good marriage, good careers) use formula.

What a load of bollox!
We were happy because milk was on tap, at the right temperature and free!

I think it's often because they are worries they won't be able to feed the baby themselves , whereas if you use formula they can take over get involved

Ignore them ,they are being selfish , give it ago and you might take to it brilliantly !
I found it very hard and stopped at 6 weeks but I would always try again if I'm lucky enough to have another baby

It does mean the mum has to do all the night feeds but tbh you both wake up anyway even if the other partner gives a bottle.

Woah carpetgate is there something you want to talk about?? Ruins lives - I'm assuming we're not talking about the life of the tiny baby for whom breast milk is the best option?

People have such strong opinions on this OP. I bf both of mine for a year each and while family were supportive, that support had an expiry date of a few months, after which the pressure to wean was on, initially subtle but growing stronger. DH was great but my parents seemed to think going past 6 months was strange. As for friends, I found the ones who didn't bf would make comments not in favour of it. When I was pregnant with DS, a friend who was vocally against bf said 'you're not going to bf again are you??'

Do what feels right for you. Personally I loved bf, yes it made for a lot of sleepless nights but the benefits far outweighed any negatives. But if it isn't working for you and your baby, that's fine, trust your instincts and block out other people's opinions if you can. I do think people are wary of it, plus family members can often worry they won't get their chance to bond with the baby.

Even though you have to do all the night feeds yourself night breastfeeding is way easier, once the night poo stops you don't even have to get out of bed or turn on a light.

If you’d like to breastfeed try and find some other mums that also breastfeed. Having support around makes breastfeeding easier.
People give advices based on their own experience. And almost always that advice is because they care about you and want the best for you. It doesn’t mean you need to follow the advice.

Also, I did a 3 hour breastfeeding workshop when pregnant with No.1
and, statistically, you partner is most likely to encourage you to stop BFing.

We chose to inform ourselves and tell people our decision. Happy to have a discussion about it but wasn't going to change my mind. Fortunately for me the only person who put a (brief) dampener on it was my sister. By 3 months she'd shut up as she was only a losing battle. I just kept schtum!

I'm still bfing dd2 who is two next month. My mum just thought it was odd and then when dd1 was here her and my grandmother couldn't understand why I wasn't switching to formula after a couple of months. They were both of the era, I think, (50s & 80s)when formula was the done thing and it was more filling and vitamin filled than breast milk.

As for what a PP commented, I ama very happy parent and ina very happy marriage! I've also seen the price of formula - it would not make me happy.

If you want to try bfing OP then do. Its a personal thing and you do what feels right for you and your baby