To ask why people try to talk you out of BF?

[jcmayj]

Since finding out I was pregnant with DS I've said I want to try breastfeeding and will try to persevere at it, as I really want to do it.

I'm more than happy to move onto FF'ing if it doesn't work out and am happy to do whatever as long as he is being fed.

I've expressed my wishes to DM, MIL and other friends and family and all of them have tried to talk me out of it!

Comments such as "you won't like it", "it's difficult", "it's easier to formula feed him" have made me feel really disheartened.

AIBU for feeling like this?

My mum had issues, she BF me but couldn't with my DB and is the type to see other people doing things she couldn't as a personal insult to her capability.

I think whatever choices you make with DC some people see that as a judgement of their choices.

I BF DD to age 2 (night feed was the last to go), for the second year of that I was doing teacher training.

I found the first 8 weeks tough, after that it's so easy, portable, instant, and I never had any negativity beyond occasional naive ignorance (you'll have to stop when she gets teeth, etc.)

Good luck OP, give it a shot if you want to, give it up if it doesn't suit you, express or mix feed if that works for you, there are more options that just BF or just FF, it's not something you have to draw lines in the sand over.

"The happiest parents you'll see (well-rested, good marriage, good careers) use formula.

What a load of shit." Totally agree! Pile of shite!

Dd was born by emcs and was in scbu first week so tube fed initially but soon as she was out of scbu I started feeding her, took a little longer for milk to properly come in, and yes the first 6 weeks-Ish are the toughest because it's a new skill to you and baby and your body, but once you're "over the hump" I found it very easy and convenient. Unfortunately my milk dried at 9 months (medical condition) and had to switch quickly to ff. I managed it but I found ff a pita! Washing and sterilising all the bottles and bits, making up the formula, worrying if a bottle could still be used, if we went out anywhere had to bear in mind bottle hygiene/safety which I felt restricted how long we could be out for, waiting for it to warm up at night while dd screamed blue murder...

Whereas bf anytime, any place, no waiting, no faffing... Loved it!

Also loved how close it made dd and I.

Go for it. Be prepared for any possible difficulties (but not everyone has them, we didn't no tongue tie, no thrush).

Because you see your friends lives go down the pan once they start. And any equality they had in their marriage. It ruins lives. The happiest parents you'll see (well-rested, good marriage, good careers) use formula

What a load of crap.

I FF two of my DCs and BF the other two.
I can tell you that it really made no difference in terms of bonding or apparent health of the DCs. But BFing was a damn sight easier - no sterilising faff, no making bottles up, no panic while you get everything ready with a screaming baby etc. From a practical point of view, if nothing else, it's certainly worth giving your best shot.

I'm sorry you're experiencing this.

Feed your baby however you want to. Breastfeeding can take some perseverance (it did for me) but the benefits have by far outweighed the difficult early days.

Everyone wants to give their opinion on how you parent. Smile and nod and do it however you wish.

My DM and my family were horrified that I BF all my DC. I mean all my family including aunts and uncles. Even my nieces who have now had DC haven’t bothered to try. I have had 4 DC and BF them all. However they never told me not to by were just a little embarrassed by me BF. I found BF tough at times but I am pleased I did it. Don’t be put off and I would be suspicious of the motivation behind there comments. Are they keen to take the baby and have they got a nursery set up in there homes ready for the overnight stays?

Lol at life going down the pan if you breastfeed.

I found it very hard to get the hang,of it OP, it took about 2 months before I was fully confident but it was worth the effort. Once you acquire the skill it makes life so much simpler. And DH was all for it because it meant I did all the night feeds so he was rested for work. In return he did all the nappies when he was home!

Because they didn’t do it and have unresolved issues around that and misery loves company. They want you to fail.

It can be difficult but does that mean you can’t do it? No!

It's possible that they know that, despite all the guff talked about it, breastfeeding isn't always easy. OK, some mums and babies find it straightforward, but others really struggle with it. By all means try it if you want to, but don't fret about it if it doesn't work out: the long term difference between BF and FF is pretty negligible.

I think it Depends what they did.

Yup. A huge part of the low BFing rates in the UK are to do with this, as a new mum getting used to BFing in (semi) public and having questions about latch or volume or reflux or letdown or engorgement or whatever else can't benefit from the wisdom of the group around her.

If you want to give BFing a go, look up the La Leche league number and find details of your nearest BFing cafe.

DM and MIL never even tried breastfeeding so their comments must come from feeling some sort of embarrassment

Like a PP said, perhaps they're pissed off that they won't be able to babysit for long periods.

MIL is already getting on my nerves and expects to see baby at every chance and have him all the time, don't think she understands I want to spend those first few weeks with my baby concentrating on getting a good latch etc

The reason they say it, is because they think they are being helpful. There will be so many things that people have opinions on, you need to get a very thick skin for these kinds of things.

Personally, if it helps, I found breastfeeding to be a breeze, easy latch, no pain, milk came in on time and babies were always happy. No need for prep, as soon as they show they are hungry, they are fed.

I would assume it's well-meaning reassurance to counter the pressure to breastfeed from certain zealots. We all know the type, who try to make women feel like failures and terrible mothers if they use formula. They're probably just trying to tell you it's okay if it doesn't work out and formula is fine.

Or maybe they're some of those batshit relatives who want to pretend the baby is theirs and don't want it tied to you for breastfeeding.

Parenting is one sphere of life where, if you make choices that are different from the choices other parents made, they will take it as a personal affront. I don't know why; personally I've never been kept awake worrying about how other parents fed their babies. But judging by the reams of commentary on the internet, a lot do. SAHM -v- WOHM, FF -v- EBF; it's like an endless treadmill to nowhere.

I EBF for 6 months (at which point started baby-led weaning) and continued breastfeeding until 18 months. The first 12 weeks were hell on earth and I was nearly dropping from exhaustion. After that it gets far easier than FF: no bottles to heat in the middle of the night, no inconvenience when out and about; always hygienic, always the correct temperature. Hardest thing ever to establish but once there, it's a doddle.

BF is often scuppered by mixed feeding. In the early stages they feed constantly, so mums think the baby's always hungry and this must mean they're not producing enough milk. Not so (unless the baby isn't putting on enough weight); it's just nature's way of stimulating milk production. What they then do is introduce formula top ups, which then interferes with milk production, milk dries up and BF is sabotaged. This mistake is so common; I've often seen BF go wrong for friends and family because of this.

What then happens is the myth gets put about that 'I tried but couldn't' and then women think BF is going to be nigh-on impossible before they even start. And that can sabotage it too.

Formula's only been commonplace since the 60s: and of course if that's people's preferred method of feeding I have no criticism at all to make. But if BF were as inefficient a method of sustaining babies as so many people today make it sound, the human race would long ago have died out!

Congrats on your pregnancy, and make your own decisions despite any well-meaning 'advice!'

I would be a bit suspicious about listening to everyone. I heard some weird stuff from older members of my family before realising that they might have only breastfed kids for 1/2/3 months, used to give baby rice at a few weeks old, etc etc. Times have changed and breastfeeding and what we know about it has also changed. People mean well but stick to your guns and see how you get on.

I breastfed mine and I can honestly say I loved it, yes it’s something to get used to but here’s the pros...
1.no matter where you are you always have milk ready.

1. You have less to pack in your baby bag
2. A lead on from 2...no need to spend money on bottles, sterilizing stuff, or formula.
3. No need to get out of your bed at night to get a bottle

5.you get extra cuddles 6.you can NEVER overfeed a breastfed baby

1. Breast milk is great for everything, baby has a rash=put breast milk on it, baby has conjunctivitis=put breast milk in it, baby has a cold=your milk will change to help them fight it (no joke)
2. You can feed them for any reason, hunger, thirst, discomfort, tiredness, pain, they will nurse!
3. It’s a great excuse for when you want some quiet time 😂

10. It is better for them to do it for as long as you can, be that 2days, 2weeks, 2months or 2years. Ultimately your decision but Give it a good try before ruling it out. You’ll be surprised.

Honestly, I think it's a cultural thing -- the UK has such a terribly low rate of breastfeeding that it's self-perpetuating, and you're probably being told not to breastfeed by people who didn't breastfeed themselves.

Personally I loved breastfeeding, found it super-easy as you always have the food right with you and no need for sterilising or preparing anything... but the bit at the start can be a big challenge and you do need to be prepared for that. Because we have lost so much cultural knowledge, new mums aren't surrounded by older women who have breastfed before and can help them through the challenges of breastfeeding. So I would strongly recommend getting the contact details for your local breastfeeding groups (La Leche League is great) and national helpline numbers, as well as local IBCLC qualified "lactation consultants" in case you need help and advice at the start.

Personally I would say that the work you may need to put in during those first few weeks is 100% worth it later. Breastfeeding is easier, cheaper, reduces your risk of breast cancer, and is a lovely way of bonding with your baby and feeling close and loving. Plus, to be totally honest as a lazy person, avoiding bottle sterilising and getting up to "make up a bottle" is such a plus.

And any equality they had in their marriage. It ruins lives. The happiest parents you'll see (well-rested, good marriage, good careers) use formula

I thought this post was someone being funny but there's no at the end... Do people really think like this? Dear god no wonder the uk bf rates are so low.

I breastfed, still am, my life and marriage aren't ruined, we are happy and have good careers.

Please don't ever believe crap like this.

I would assume it's well-meaning reassurance to counter the pressure to breastfeed from certain zealots. We all know the type, who try to make women feel like failures and terrible mothers if they use formula. They're probably just trying to tell you it's okay if it doesn't work out and formula is fine

So why don’t they say that then? And has the OP mentioned any ‘zealots’ or are you making assumptions?

Lol @CarpetGate

DS is 20 months, still bf, and we have an extremely happy marriage, plenty of sex and, if I'm honest, bloody marvellous careers.

Don't blame your own insecurities or issues on bf/not bf.

OP, I suggest investing in a breast pump. It helps stimulate supply, you can get a break during the relentless early weeks, and baby will take a bottle. If you want him or her to do so you need to introduce it as soon as baby can latch without fussing (it takes a couple of weeks to perfect).

I adored breastfeeding. I found it really easy and natural. DS needed a shield at first due to being prem but no other issue. My marriage didn't collapse

I wish you could start BF later!

I wouldn't have survived the early days breastfeeding. I had awful PND, traumatic births and c sections and would have struggled immensely without DH taking the reins in those early days. DC3 is now 4 months old and I wish I could start breastfeeding now.

Hi I got the exact same comments and don't expect them to stop when you actually give birth and start BF. It used to get me really down and I felt very lonely and depressed but now 8 months in I'm so glad I persevered with it and I love BF. And the funny thing is the comments from ppl eventually stopped because they realised it didn't make a difference to me and I was going to carry on BF regardless. I also had a lot of support from my mum and my husband which helped. I just tried to ignore others.

Breastfeeding was one of the biggest disappointments of my life. I tried and failed with my first two and it affected my mental health and put a dampener on the newborn stage of their lives for me.

With my third, I wasn’t going to bother trying, but gave in under the immense pressure from the hospital staff. As usual, my milk didn’t come in properly and my baby’s latch was shallow and painful. I gave up soon after returning home (baby was getting fed up of my low supply anyway) and wished I hadn’t been pressured into something that simply doesn’t work for me.

I would say absolutely try breastfeeding. I honestly hope it works for you. But if, for whatever reason, it doesn’t, try not to feel terrible about using formula, as I did. The most important thing is that your baby is fed.

There does seem to be a perception amongst midwives and breastfeeding support groups that every pair of breasts works perfectly. That’s about as accurate as saying that every pair of eyes works perfectly.

I've done the whole shebang (FF DC1, BF DC2 until she was 2y 8m and DC3 was tube fed so I expressed milk for her)

Just see how it goes, see how you cope and don't be rigid. Also there is really no need to discuss your feeding choices..... if people are going to piss on your chips then stop talking to them about it!!